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A Plea to Servers and FOH Managers


porcupine

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Recently my husband and I went out to dinner with two relatives who we don't see very often.  I don't think it too unusual that, although we were at a nice restaurant, our purpose was to enjoy each others' company.  The setting and food were ancillary.

I lost track of how many times we were interrupted during our three-course meal.  Just during appetizers, we were visited by the waiter twice, and also by three different managers.  And someone refilling water glasses three times.  One course, eight interruptions to our conversation.  Eight!

So here's my plea, and really it's for all restaurants:

While I appreciate that you were just trying to do your jobs and be attentive, it sure would be nice if you would learn to read body language.  Please.  When four people are leaning into the table and talking intently, that's what we call a "clue".  I have decent peripheral vision; I know you were hovering there.  I was ignoring you, deliberately.  Don't shove yourself in to our conversation ask how we're enjoying things.  Couldn't you see that we were enjoying things just fine?  By the fourth iteration, I was sorely tempted to reply "we would be enjoying things just fine if you'd fucking leave us alone."  By about the sixth iteration, our guests were looking mightily pissed-off.  Their faces were getting quite expressive.  Can't you read facial expressions, either?

Likewise, when four people are sitting back from the table, utensils down, and at least two of them are looking around the entire space, that is also a clue.  It means that now we would like some attention.  Don't leave us hanging for fifteen minutes.

Look, I've worked in customer service.  I know there's a small space between being attentive and being overbearing. Learning to find that space and operate within it is key to good service.  It's a job made harder by the fact that the size and shape of that space differs for every customer.  But learning to judge that space is not so difficult.  All it takes is a little attention to detail and some empathy.

My apologies for sounding pissy.  If it were just Mr. P and me, we would have been chuckling at the ridiculous situation.  But these well-meaning people seriously irritated our guests, who I am sure will never return, and frankly damaged our reputation as "the ones who always know the good places to dine".  And we probably won't return either, which is a shame because this used to be one of our standby restaurants.

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I feel your pain, and perhaps I'm being too narrow-minded, but I question whether problems like this will be solved by expecting service folks to accurately read and act on body language clues.  It will happen occasionally, but as a general rule, not so much.  I think there's not much practical alternative but for the customer to be more forthright and speak up.  Always answering "fine" to those "is everything alright" queries exemplifies the problem.  If everything isn't alright, the customer should say so, but most of us don't most of the time.  Remember that old expression "I'm not a mind-reader."  If they're there asking, tell them.  If they don't show up, send up a flare, with flair.

Just my 2¢.

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A couple of my other things that go towards wrecking a good meal..... #1  "Are you still working on that? "   No you numbnuts, I am not working, I bust my ass all week at my job so I can pleasurably eat a nice meal in peace.  Work is not eating...... although Ive had some meals that can only be described as a struggle..... #2  "Can I get that out of the way for you? " while the schmuck is grabbing your half eaten dinner, part of which you are chewing in your mouth while you try not to choke saying HEY PUT THAT BACK IM NOT DONE YET!

All of which has made me realize I would rather have a hot dog with good service than a steak dinner served tortuously by Nimrod.   Jus sayin...... :blink:

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I feel your pain, and perhaps I'm being too narrow-minded, but I question whether problems like this will be solved by expecting service folks to accurately read and act on body language clues.  It will happen occasionally, but as a general rule, not so much.  I think there's not much practical alternative but for the customer to be more forthright and speak up.  Always answering "fine" to those "is everything alright" queries exemplifies the problem.  If everything isn't alright, the customer should say so, but most of us don't most of the time.  Remember that old expression "I'm not a mind-reader."  If they're there asking, tell them.  If they don't show up, send up a flare, with flair.

Just my 2¢.

It's a fair point, and a worthy two cents.  I have a hard time imaging myself saying "please leave us alone" in a polite way, but I'll keep it in mind for next time.

Really the problem is mine; I love the food at this place but I know that their business model is predicated on obsequious service.  I won't be able to change that, so I should just stop dining there.  I hate that there are people in this world who enjoy being sucked up to, and I hate that there are people willing to do the sucking up for profit.

A couple of my other things that go towards wrecking a good meal..... #1  "Are you still working on that? "   No you numbnuts, I am not working, I bust my ass all week at my job so I can pleasurably eat a nice meal in peace.  Work is not eating...... although Ive had some meals that can only be described as a struggle..... #2  "Can I get that out of the way for you? " while the schmuck is grabbing your half eaten dinner, part of which you are chewing in your mouth while you try not to choke saying HEY PUT THAT BACK IM NOT DONE YET!

All of which has made me realize I would rather have a hot dog with good service than a steak dinner served tortuously by Nimrod.   Jus sayin...... :blink:

Over-eager bussers is a peeve of mine, too.  Another one of my favorite restaurants has staff who are almost predatory that way; they circle around the room like hawks, looking for nearly-empty plates, and when they see them they swoop in and snatch them away.

Agreed about the hotdog.

What constitutes good service, anyway?  And why is it so difficult?

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I think that the problem is that perceptions of "good" service are infinitely variable.  To get it right, for over 50% of the individuals that a staff member would encounter in a week, requires a serious skill set and it is probably a skill set that is better compensated in other industries.

Just one example: we had dinner the other night at a restaurant that gets great reviews on DR and elsewhere, but I really don't like the food.  (M_____ P____ in Adams Morgan).  And again I didn't like the food.  Yet I walked away happy with the evening, because the waiter had hit it just right with me.  And I was watching, and his schtick was similar with every other table, and I feel confident that a substantial number of people would have walked away thinking the service was awful.  He was very "touchy" - practically every sentence he said to me, he touched my shoulder, and culminated the evening with a two-hand touch.  He pretty clearly forgot to order one dish, and came back with an elaborate explanation about how it was someone else's fault.  But there was something about the overall vibe that was very positive, so I was happy.  As I say, others would have walked away grumbling or yelping or Sietsema chatting.

tl/dr: it's hard work!

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It's a fair point, and a worthy two cents.  I have a hard time imaging myself saying "please leave us alone" in a polite way, but I'll keep it in mind for next time.

Really the problem is mine; I love the food at this place but I know that their business model is predicated on obsequious service.  I won't be able to change that, so I should just stop dining there.  I hate that there are people in this world who enjoy being sucked up to, and I hate that there are people willing to do the sucking up for profit.

Over-eager bussers is a peeve of mine, too.  Another one of my favorite restaurants has staff who are almost predatory that way; they circle around the room like hawks, looking for nearly-empty plates, and when they see them they swoop in and snatch them away.

...................................

What constitutes good service, anyway?  And why is it so difficult?

I find that kind of service terribly annoying.  If I go to such a place twice and it happens twice I stop going.  Obviously there are many who love it.  I too am not one of them.  I just hate it.

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