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I'm very pleased to announce that as of a few days ago, I am now Contributing Editor at Foodshed Magazine. Lots of exciting changes have happened, now that the re-boot from Flavor is complete. Foodshed is now a non-profit benefit corporation and is expanding its reach and coverage to the entire Mid-Atlantic foodshed, up through and including New York City and environs. Check out Foodshed's mission statement, and consider subscribing.

 

(My picture and bio aren't yet up on the site, and I haven't gotten business cards or an email account yet--it'll feel more official when I have those, but I attended my first staff meeting yesterday and I have to say that I am really looking forward to collaborating with such an energetic, erudite and talented group of people.)

[My goals here are straightforward – First, I wanted to put together a primer on Middle Eastern food so that Rockwellians don’t walk into a Middle Eastern restaurant and scratch their head like I do when I walk into a Chinese or Korean or Thai or Martian restaurant.  May you all place your orders in a slightly more informed manner from this day forward.  Second, I wanted to encourage the rest of our experts to do the same in each of the cuisines they happen to be experts in, so that this site can have a respectable ethnic food guide.  Please pile on.]

 

The topic of Middle Eastern food is as broad as the topic of Asian food.  There are regions to be discussed, then countries within regions, and then localities within countries, all of which bring differences and nuances to the discussion.  To frame it properly, I’m going to focus on the 20 Arab countries across North Africa (the Magreb), the Levant and Mesopotamia, and the Arabian Peninsula or Gulf States.  I will also touch on but not dwell on the related cuisines of Iran and Turkey, although each has a sophistication and complexity that requires its own treatment.  In passing, I will touch on Kurdestan and Armenia, although they no longer exist as geopolitical entities.  I will generally avoid Israeli food except for Palestinian food and the food of Yemeni and Moroccan Jews who came to Israel in the past 70 years or so.  But the rest of Israeli food that was imported from Eastern Europe will not be addressed.

 

And up front, if you like pork you won’t be satisfied at most Middle Eastern restaurants.  Islamic Halal and Jewish Kosher laws prohibit pork.  And if you want alcohol with your meal, you can also avoid Halal restaurants like Mount of Lebanon.  However, a very good alcohol enjoyed by the Christians of the Middle East is Arak – Raki in Turkey, Ouzo in Greece.  The best Arak available to us is the Lebanese Al-Massaya, an almost artisanal version available on the Web (and in my liquor cabinet).

 

Next, consider the geography and history of the region.  It sits at the crossroads of Asia, Africa and Europe, and therefore has sent traders and conquering armies to all of those regions, and in return received traders and conquering armies from all of those regions.  As a result, refined cuisine like Lebanese reflects the influences of Byzantine raiders, Crusaders, Ottomans and French.  Similarly, the Turkish meat sandwich Doner is as prevalent in Germany as Bratwurst, and Couscous with a spicy sausage called Merguez was recently voted one of the most popular foods in France.

 

Any discussion has to begin with bread, the staple of the Middle East. The Arabs claim that they cannot taste other foods without bread and the bread types they have to choose from are numerous and varied. Arab bread comes in many textures, sizes, and shapes. Without question, the mother of all these Middle Eastern breads is pita — by far, the most popularly found in the Middle East. Called Khubz Arabee among the Arabs in that part of the world and once called flatbread or Syrian bread in the United States — until Syria became a country of dubious political behavior — it is now widely known as Pita Bread — a Greek name. Pita bread, like all types of Middle Eastern breads, is usually soft and pliable — perfect for the Arab way of eating. One of the greatest advantages of this type of bread is picking up meat, vegetables, and salads and as a scoop for sauces, dips, yogurt, and just about anything else. When the loaf is cut into two, the top and bottom of the loaf separate easily and the halves form pockets that can be filled with hot falafel, shawarma (barbecued meats), kafta (the Arab version of hamburgers), kebabs and/or salads to make delicious sandwiches.  There are other Middle Eastern breads as well – Yemeni bread, Bedouin bread (Chubab), Injera (more around the Horn of Africa) and Lavash.  The point is that you’ll have bread with every meal you order in a Middle Eastern restaurant and it will probably be fresh, warm and good.

 

For some regional distinction, consider that the northern African countries use Couscous, which is actually a pasta, as the most common carb.  In the Levant – Syria, Lebanon, Jordan, Palestine and what would be Armenia and part of Iraq – the common carb is cracked wheat, or Bulgur.  In the Arabian peninsula and around the Gulf, rice is the carb of choice.  Of course, that rule is general and you’ll find plenty of rice dishes in the Levant and plenty of Bulgur dishes in Egypt and Tunisia.  However, the spices will be different depending on the region.

 

Which brings me to a dish like Mujaddarah (Arabic for “smallpox” because it looks like the effects of smallpox).  It is the rice and legume dish of the Levant, with plenty of fried onions on top.  In Syria and Lebanon, brown lentils with rice is the base of the dish.  In Jordan and Palestine, red lentils with Bulgur define the dish.  And the version you’ll find in Egypt is Koshary, the national dish.  Mujaddarah and Koshary, in all of their variations, also reveal another feature of Middle Eastern cuisine – you can eat quite well on the Vegan side of the menu.

 

Speaking of national dishes, they are widely varied, and often differ within localities in the same country.  My grandparents were Syrian immigrants, and my moniker reflects the national dish of Syria and Lebanon, Kibbeh.  Kibbeh Nayeh (colloquially pronounced Kibbee Nayee in northern Syria) is the raw and most delicious version, my death row meal.  Our best on-the-menu versions around the DC area are at Mount of Lebanon and Me Jana.  The best order-ahead version is available from Mediterranean Gourmet Market, although Layalina has been known to prepare a very good version as well.  [My son gave me a Christmas present of 2 lbs. of Kibbeh Nayeh from Mediterranean Gourmet Market, and it was gone in about an hour!]

 

Mansaf is the national dish of Jordan, made of lamb cooked in fermented and dried yogurt, served over flatbread, and topped with rice and pine nuts.  A variation is Mansaf made with fish in the southern part of Jordan around Aqaba.  The national dish of Saudi Arabia is Kabsa, which is a hodge-podge of rice, beef, chicken, vegetables, raisins and nuts – the Saudis eat more chicken per capita than just about any place in the world.  Maqluba is the national dish of Palestine, an upside down rice and eggplant casserole with lamb and lots of yogurt.  Machboos is the national dish of Kuwait, which is nicely flavored mutton, chicken, and/or fish (variations depend on whether you live near the gulf or inland towards the desert), over rice.  The Egyptian national dish is Koshary, a hearty carb-loaded dish of chick peas, lentils, rice, macaroni, tomato sauce and fried onion, followed closely by Ful Madames, which is fava beans in olive oil with parsley, garlic, onions and lemon juice.  Cairo Café in Lincolnia provides some of the better Egyptian dishes in our area.  Iraq’s national dish is Maskuf, which is an impaled trout dish.  Across northern Africa, the national dish is each country’s version of Couscous, although Tagine and Pidgeon Pastilla share the honor in Morocco.  Tagine is named for the conical clay braising pot that produces tender, juicy stews.  The Moroccan version of Coucous is “Fez style” with seven vegetables plus lamb shanks.  Tunisian Couscous is considered the best, cooked in a couscoussiere and consisting of a mound of Couscous covered in steamed onions, garlic, potatoes, tomatoes, chickpeas, chili pepper, harissa, celery, cinnamon, black peppercorn, carrots, turnips and squash, then topped with meat such as mutton or chicken. But in the areas close to the Mediterranean, bass or red snapper is used.

 

And if you’re thinking about having 100 Bedouins over for dinner, the Arab version of turducken is a whole camel stuffed with four lambs and 20 chickens!  I’m not making that up!

 

Now I’ll focus in on the Middle Eastern foods and restaurants in our area and what to order when you step into one.  The sequence generally flows from Mezze to Mains to Sweets, with detours to sandwiches and pizzas or tarts along the way.

 

Mezze – You can either fill your table up with an assortment of these small plates – consider them the Tapas of the Middle East – or you can order a few as appetizers before the rest of the meal.  Remember, it all starts with Pita Bread, sometimes with olive oil and za’atar as a dipping sauce.  The vegan side of the menu is an incredible combination of flavor, satisfaction and good health.  Try Tabouleh (parsley salad), Hummus (chick pea and tahini dip), Baba Ghanouj (eggplant and tahini dip), stuffed grape leaves (the vegan version has rice and pine nuts or chick peas in them, and the meat version has a nicely flavored rice and meat stuffing), Labneh (strained yogurt with olive oil and garlic), Lubieh (green beans) bil Zeit and Bamieh (okra) bil Zeit (either one, stewed in garlic and tomatoes), Ful Madames (fava beans) and Fattoush (salad served over toasted Pita Bread).  The meat dishes include some amazing flavors and textures.  Try Hummus topped with Shawarma and Pine Nuts, Soujouk (spicy sausage), Ma’anek (mild beef and lamb sausage), Kibbeh (shaped like footballs, stuffed with meat and nuts and then fried, or if you’re lucky, raw Kibbeh Nayeh), and Warak Enab (grape leaves stuffed with rice and meat). Also, most places offer combination Mezze Platters, which are usually good deals. Don’t forget accompaniments like olives and pickled turnips, which are standard. The Lebanese serve a whipped paste of garlic with dishes like Kibbeh Nayeh. These are the highlights – pay attention to any daily specials, because they are likely to be good. And at places with their own butcher connections like Mount of Lebanon, try the Lamb Brains or the Lamb Testicles.  Trust me.

 

Mains – Here is where the dilemma lies.  I can easily order Mezze and be satisfied at just about any Middle Eastern restaurant.  Alternatively, I can go with a sandwich or a few meat pies.  But the main courses in Middle Eastern restaurants are rib-sticking comfort food with incredible flavors.  You can start with Shish (“skewer” in Turkish) Kebab (“meat” in Turkish), flavorful grilled meats – lamb, beef, chicken, or mixed – over rice pilaf.  You can argue all day long over whose Kebabs are best between the Arabs, Turks, Persians, Afghanis and Pakistanis, but they’re all good.  Kafta is the ground meat version, formed over the skewers and grilled the same way, considered the hamburger of the Middle East.  Lamb is probably the most common meat in the Middle East, so ordering it in any of a variety of ways – Lamb Shish Kebab, Lamb Chops, Lamb Shanks (braised), Lamb Shawarma (see sandwiches, below), Lamb Ouzi (rice and lamb platter), Lamb Stew, Lamb Feteh (lamb with yogurt sauce), and on and on.  Also, the Arabs are damned good at stuffing things (“mahshi” in Arabic and “dolmas” in Turkish), so when you see stuffed grape leaves, stuffed squash or stuffed cabbage/eggplant/peppers/onions, just order it and you will also be stuffed!  Stuffed Cabbage, or Malfouf Mahshi, was my father’s favorite.  The closest I’ve found to it in this area was at Kazan, the Turkish restaurant in McLean.

 

Sandwiches, Pies and Pizzas – Think about it, if Pita Bread is the staple of the Middle East, and if they’ve been making it for many millennia, you would think they have developed a few tricks to turn it into a meal, right?  Shawarma is by far the most popular (“Doner” in Turkish), similar to the Greek Gyro (but with different seasonings and bread).  It’s strips of lamb, skewered with seasonings and herbs in between layers, and then placed on a skewer to rotate upright against a heat source.  The best version I ever had in my life was in East Jerusalem about 20 years ago.  And then there’s anything you can stuff into a Pita, including Soujok, Ma’anek, Kafta and Falafel.  Yes, Falafel is Arabic street food, and probably originated in Egypt.  All of these Pita sandwiches include lots of veggies and usually a tahini or yogurt sauce, and are served wrapped in foil to keep the yummy juices in.  As for Pies, meat, spinach, yogurt and cheese, mixed with spices or vegetables, are variously baked inside small open-face pastries or closed dumplings.  If you see Sambousik, it’s a fried Lebanese lamb dumpling.  The Mediterranean Gourmet Market makes the best and most varied versions, as they do Lebanese Pizza – Lahmeh B’Ajeen (baked with beef, onions, tomatoes and herbs), Manakish bel Za’atar (my favorite pizza on the planet!), Spinach Manakish, Manakish bil Jibneh (various cheeses). 

 

Sweets – You probably didn’t know that Syria consumes more sugar per capita then any other country.  This part of the meal starts with Turkish coffee – the Ottomans ruled the Middle East for four centuries, until World War I – and almost always includes Baklava.  In this case, the Greek version is far inferior, too heavy-laden with honey.  The Syrian and Lebanese versions are washed in a simple syrup cut with cinnamon and rose water, and it is the perfect end to the feast. Kataifi is a shredded wheat version of Baklava, and Ma’amoul is a nice shortbread and almond cookie stuffed with dates, pistachios and/or walnuts.

 

And now, Kibbee Nayee’s first-ever ranking of Middle Eastern restaurants in the Washington DC Metropolitan area:

 

1. Mediterranean Gourmet Market in Franconia – More of a mini grocery with a few tables, but George and Lilian turn out the best Lebanese dishes in the area. This is my go-to Lebanese restaurant.
2. Me Jana – Climbing my list because of consistent quality. The food is good, but they reach for general patronage with Calamari, Chilean Sea Bass, and Crab Cakes, but they deserve special credit for Potato Kibbeh, a Lenten version of Kibbeh.
3. Mount of Lebanon – No alcohol, but the best Kibbee Nayee at the best price in the DC area. Whenever I’m missing, you can probably find me here.
4. Lebanese Taverna – The original on Washington Blvd. in Arlington is still turning out quality food, but the rest of the kitchens are lagging behind.  However, I had a few good meals at the Tysons Corner location in the past year.
5. Mediterranean Bakery in Alexandria – A nice but over-priced grocery, with the area’s best Pita breads fresh out of the oven, and the best selection of olives anywhere in the DC area.  The food that comes out of the back is good, and the Za’atar Bread is first-class.
6. Jerusalem Restaurant in Falls Church – Frustrating service, but pretty good food with somewhat of an emphasis on Palestine.
7. Layalina – The only place that actually advertises that it serves Syrian food, with the area’s best selection of Hummus (Hummus bil Flay-Flay is a spicy version with Aleppo peppers, and it’s really good) and some of the best lamb shanks in the area.
8. Cairo Café in Lincolnia – One of the only places where you can get real Koshary, so it has to be on the list by default.
9. Shamshiry – I don’t want to ignore the Iranians here.  Their food is really good, but just a little bit different than some of the Arabic dishes.
10. Zaytinya – Lower on the list because it lacks some authenticity and throws in Greek and Turkish to make it seem like “Middle Eastern fusion” cuisine, but let’s face it, this is a good restaurant.
11. Mama Ayesha’s – This place has its ups and downs, but it’s been around for a long time and its daily specials are damned good.
12. Cedar Café in Burke – Serviceable neighborhood Middle Eastern lunch counter.

Consider this a once-over, to be updated as the mood or new information strikes me.  Hopefully, the members of our community who shy away from Middle Eastern food because they don't understand it will now partake with some confidence.  May you have your meal with gladness and health! (bil-hanā' wa ash-shifā') بالهناء والشفاء / بالهنا والشفا

 

Many times we sit down and reflect on people, places or moments that have made us who we are. The substance of our beings come from these people or places, we embody their ideas, their essence permeates us in one way or another. In the best of us, we are able to see something worth knowing. We are drawn to good people because of what they encompass, we want to have that sense of calm or that unerring ability to do the right thing. In some cases, in the best cases I would say, we are drawn together by love. We spend so much time rushing from place to place, from item to item that we forget that love might be the best quality of all. To find motivation in love, to find a sense of purpose in all this darkness, to find peace is what we all search for. I always saw peace in my Grandaddy's eyes. A knowledge and a serenity gained through seeing the worst in the world and the best. 

Today I tip my hat and make a toast to my Grandfather, Luther Burrell. In all I do, may I pass on a glimpse of what I saw in you. I love you Granddaddy.

I want to thank everyone for the support they have shown over the past several months. Its unfortunate that Suna is no more, there are a lot of reasons why the decision was made to close, and in the near future once the dust settles Id be more then happy to share. I couldnt be happier with the food and the experience we created at the restaurant. Seeing the space grow from start to finish and being so invloved in every aspect of its development is something that I am so grateful for. As of right now I have no concrete plans, this was a decision not made lightly so just letting it all settle in before I jump into another project. But whatever that next step may be, Im happy to know that Ill have everyone on DonRocks behind me.

A couple of weeks ago I finally made it here. Now seems like a good time to share some thoughts.

 

 Little Serow is serving a seven-course tasting menu based on northern Thai cuisine,

The “seven course tasting menu” is a clever way to get (non-Thai) Americans to eat this type of food (in its proper context, i.e several dishes with varying textures and flavors, lots of (sticky) rice and mounds of raw and blanched vegetables).  I realize everybody is hung up on courses, as it is Johnny Monis (and it’s next door to Komi). It is not “based upon” Thai food but actually is Thai food. Our menu was a mix of Northern Thai (Lanna) as well as some Northeast Thai (Issan) with one central Thai dish as well.

 

The normal eating arrangement for Thai food (and Southeast Asian food in general) is to have a large number of dishes all at once at room temperature. It is important to have many things to nibble with large helpings of rice. I imagine Chef Monis’ concept for Little Serow probably occurred while eating and drinking in Thailand at a restaurant and having food delivered to the table one dish at a time. This happens because a typical traditional Thai kitchen has only one or two burners. Since food is eaten at room temperature there is no need to have every dish ready at once so it’s not a problem to cook one thing at a time. Each item is sent to the table as it is ready. At home, everything would be put out on the table and then everyone would sit down to eat. At a restaurant dishes would come out as they are ready. There is no need to finish each dish before the next arrives. In fact, dishes can be mixed together on the plate by the individual diner to create novel flavors and textures (this mixing is called klook in Thai).

 

The brilliance of the tasting menu conceit is that you are not overwhelmed with a table of unfamiliar food and you don’t have to choose dishes off a menu yourself, dishes with strange names and unhelpful descriptions. Because they arrive in sequence you try everything.  Thai people would spend a large amount of time debating which dishes to get and would use their understanding of the food to decide which dishes to order. Considerations would include taste, but also texture and heat levels. Many dishes go together and there are broad categories (i.e. You don’t want too many Yum (salads) dishes unless you are drinking a lot of alcohol, you need a dense fried dish to offset the soupiness of a curry, you must have a nam prik with vegetables, but which nam prik will depend on which other dishes are selected). Little Serow takes the guesswork out of selecting unfamiliar food and gives you a properly composed set of Thai dishes.

I really enjoyed my meal here. The servers are extremely knowledgeable about the food and can speak about it in depth. We enjoyed a bottle of Brasserie Dupont Cervesia a really nice Belgian Saison. I appreciated the variety of raw herbs and vegetables (they refilled our basket three times) and the nam prik (nam prik narok i.e. chilli sauce from hell). I have had hotter versions of this nam prik but this was hot enough to be enjoyable. In my dreams I wish I could go to a Thai restaurant here in the U.S. and get nam prik and raw vegetables. I think Thai restaurants learned long ago that nam prik is too strong and hot for the western palette and that Americans don’t eat vegetables, so they don’t even put this on the menu. Andy Ricker made the observation that when Thai people eat at Pok Pok they eat all the veggies and ask for more, while (non-Thai) Americans leave them on the plate and eat everything else. I like that at Little Serow people are eating their veggies (and nam prik!). They are an important part of the meal. In fact, veggies, rice and nam prik are all you need for a Thai meal. Everything else is extra. Also, the grilled fish is ground to a paste with everything else in nam prik narok. The dishes at Little Serow were normal size, not tiny “tastings”. Incidentally, in Thailand at a shared meal, soup is generally served in one big bowl for all diners to share, even Tom Yum and Tom Kha . The Thai concept of “soup” is different, as the word for soup and curry is the same (gaeng). Soup is just another thing to put on rice (or dip rice into, in the case of sticky rice). That being said, my two companions and I were served the Tom Kha Het (coconut milk galangal mushroom soup) in individual serving bowls, one for each of us. 

 

Other highlights were green mango salad with snakehead fish (pla chawn lom kwan or yum mamuang sai pla chawn), and “slop on a plate ” Nam ngeow. Nam ngeow is usually served with kanom jeen (thin rice noodles). It includes cubes of pork blood (blood tofu!) and pork ribs, ground pork, cherry tomatoes, garlic, shallots, shrimp paste and/or tua nuao (fermented soybean) lard or oil, with garnishes of bean sprouts, limes, chilli oil, and maybe mustard pickle. Here is a photo from photographer Austin Bush. 

 

 

The version at Little Serow was without the noodles and ribs and garnishes, but this does not mean it was inauthentic. This version was served to one of the chefs on their last visit to Northern Thailand, to be eaten with sticky rice as a curry. In this incarnation it is almost the same as Nam Prik Ong. I enjoyed it quite a bit. It was full of rich porkyness.

Chef Monis’s take on neam khao tord was interesting. The salad itself had great flavor. Naem is a type of fermented ground pork (sausage). It is cured with cooked sticky rice, garlic and julienned cooked pork skin for about 4 or five days. It usually congeals into a solid mass. For this salad it is broken up by hand (it looks like this).

 

 

It is eaten raw (usually). Little Serow’s naem was cubed cooked pork without any pork skin. The texture was crumbly, not dense. The fried rice balls (khao tord) were intact, instead of the usual crushed up. They had a texture similar to tater tots (and thus were awesome).

 

I made this salad for the last Don Rockwell picnic. Maybe you remember.

 

 

I have also had Duangrat’s version (takeout at the back of the grocery), but not Bangkok Golden’s (yet). While this version was interesting, I like mine the best so far, but it’s a matter of personal preference. I can cook it the way I like it. I have high expectations for Chef Seng’s version.

 

The stir-fry was good (radish cakes and bean sprouts). The ribs were tasty and meaty. Overall the food was about a 4 or 5 on the Thai heat scale of 1-10, nothing too serious, but hot enough to be traditional. It was fun and strange to eat Thai food in a restaurant the way I eat at home and the way I learned to eat at the Thai temple. We consumed much sticky rice (one basket each). I found the rice a little tacky, perhaps because it was steamed a little too long or because it was too warm when put into the baskets. It stuck to my hand a little when picked up. I prefer it to stay intact for easier forming and dipping (sorry to nitpick). The beer went great with the food. I drink mostly Belgian ales with my Thai food at home, so it was also very familiar, but I have not had the Cervesia before and I really enjoyed it. I am a fan of Brasserie Dupont.  

I have to commend what they are doing here. I’m glad people are enjoying the food. Chef Monis deserves credit for bringing this type of food here and creating a context that allows people to eat it properly (by tricking them into thinking of courses and tastings). The cooking was at very high level. This food, however, is not chef invented, but traditional everyday fare passed down through generations of Thai women (and men). This is Thai grandma food. I am biased in that I love this type of food so much that I eat this way at home almost daily. I also enjoy cooking more than eating, so there may be something wrong with me. Also, the pork rinds were nice and crisp and airy. I might go back soon because northern style laap is back on the menu. You won't find that anywhere else AFAIK.

With respect to survival of the genes, someone has to live long enough to take care of the baby until it can fend for itself.  Doesn't need to be the parents, true, but most of the time, a close family member, so survival of the genes requires some longevity in the rearers.

 

With respect to caries, what I meant was the acid etching of the teech caused by bacteria which live on carbohydrates.  Blunt trauma and wearing away tooth enamel by chewing rough matter is not the same thing.

 

Mesolithic hunter-gatherers who did not eat grain did not get plaque, periodontal disease, or cavities.

http://www.abc.net.a.../18/3691558.htm

 

 

Point one.  True.  Assuming puberty of women at 18, we need someone to live to their mid-thirties for the species to persist, also assuming it takes until one is 18 to learn to fend for oneself.  Personally, I want to go a little longer than that.

 

Point two.  Paleoanthropologists and dentists who have studied fossils know what caries are, and the Broken Hill specimen has them. 

 

Point three.  If they didn't have plaque, how is it that the scientists "extracted DNA from dental plaque from 34 prehistoric northern European human skeletons."   The study is from a single population, and the findings are this group had "a lot lower frequencies of any of the disease-associated bacteria."  Lower is not equal to none.  There is also an assumption of no grain because they are pre-agricultural.  New studies of residues from teeth are turning this idea of late grain use on its head.  I would love to see someone look at these specimens for starch grain residues to find out what they were really eating.  Until we have direct evidence, assessment of diet is speculative. 

 

Point four.  Did I mention confirmation bias? 

 

Edited to say, I'm an academic, so I know sometimes I can come across as being harsh while arguing my point.  That's really not my intention.  I study ancient diet, and I find it frustrating that the public would rather believe a pop-culture diet book than the actual scientific data.  Maybe I can start a support group with the climate scientists.

     It started yesterday, with two blackened, ripe bananas that were beyond slicing onto cereal. I was going to pitch them in the trash. J said: "I like banana bread. I don't get nearly enough of it." Today, the snow storm's a bust. We're unlikely to lose our power, which would knock out the oven. So, I checked a few cookbooks for banana bread recipes, settling on the one in Cook's Illustrated's baking book, which doesn't require creaming butter and sugar, thus no need for hauling out the Kitchenaid.

     I was cleaning up the kitchen, clearing the decks for the baking project, when J announced that he wanted to help, a very rare offer. (He was supposed to go to work today, but his office follows the federal government weather guidelines, and so he was at home.) Ordinarily, he avoids the kitchen, and hot dogs, Bubba burgers and scrambled eggs are pretty much the only things he ever cooks for himself. A couple of times a year, he makes baked beans from a Cook's Illustrated recipe, which provides strict instructions and amounts, down to 1/8 teaspoon of pepper, and comes out perfectly, albeit a bit sweet for my taste. Late last year, he announced that he wanted to try to cook a few more things, so I bought him a Cook's Illustrated cookbook, and found the CI baking book at a rummage sale. He'd looked at them, but hadn't yet taken the plunge.

     My using "his" recipe book to make the banana bread was probably what propelled him away from his laptop and into the kitchen to help. Those of you who know me, know that I am an experienced cook, and can assume that I know my way around the kitchen. But on the rare occasions when he wants to help me, J, who doesn't know anything about cooking if he isn't slavishly following a simple recipe, feels compelled to advise me about how I should do things, warns me urgently about things he believes are about to go wrong, and generally resists any instruction from me, and often argues with me when I try to tell or show him how to do something differently than he wants to do it. This is not the ideal sort of help one wants, to put it mildly. But we plunged ahead.

     First, a few ground rules: "Please don't argue with me." HA! Like that would work. "Don't expect me to slavishly follow the recipe, I may want to add some flavors that they don't call for." A grudging okay to that, as long as it wasn't citrus. Which was a good thing, because the recipe called for three large bananas (1 1/2 cups) and we had only two medium ones (3/4 cup). We could cut down the recipe, or substitute canned pumpkin puree or bake a sweet potato to replace the missing volume of banana. Pumpkin, he decides. And the recipe called for walnuts, which I can't eat due to an allergy. I suggested almonds or hazelnuts. He wanted pecans. Okay, pecans. After that things went fairly smoothly. I wanted him to sift the flour, salt and baking soda together with cardamom and nutmeg, which were my additions. He resisted, because the recipe said only to whisk them together. We had a bit of a tussle about my replacing part of the sugar with Sucanat (raw sugar). He argued with me about pureeing the eggs, bananas, pumpkin, melted butter and yogurt in the blender, because the recipe said to stir them together. He went out of the room for a minute and I added a few drops of tangerine oil, despite his ban on citrus. Finally, it went into the oven.

      We had some with coffee a little while ago. I thought it was just right, not too sweet. He thought it could have been a bit sweeter. In hindsight, I should have bumped up the sugar because I'd used canned pumpkin for half the volume of the banana pulp that was supposed to be there. But then I would have found it too sweet.

      Snapshot portrait of a very long-term relationship.

I took Lady KN to Monty's tonight, and I continue to be impressed with this place. Monty's was packed on a Saturday evening, so I'm happy that they're drawing the kind of crowds that should keep them in business for a while.

 

We began with appetizers that were absolutely delicious. The combination salmon and sea bass appetizer was well executed. Two chunks each of salmon and sea bass, perfectly seared and succulent. I was really shocked by how well I enjoyed this appetizer. We also shared the tuna tartare, which was one of the better renditions I've had. A nice tower of immaculate tuna dices, tomatoes, avocados and onion, accompanied by croutons. 'Spectacular' would an understatement for this dish. All appetizers are available in individual portions, which is what we ordered, or 'to share' portions. I think I can actually come into this restuarant and stick to the appetizer menu and have a really nice meal. Don mentioned the hot spinach and artichoke dip during his visit, and I saw some really mouth-watering calamari and smoked salmon appetizers flying out of the kitchen. And the appetizer menu includes many more items, like shrimp escargot. I definitely need to plow through these appetizers at some point.

 

For our mains, Lady KN enjoyed the salmon special, which included impeccable scallops with a filet of salmon encrusted in pastry. I had a bite and it was really good. The scallops themselves were amazing. My bone-in filet mignon was cooked to a perfect medium rare, and tasted about as great as I expected. My accompaniment was the sauteed mushrooms, which came with the entree (two sides are included with each entree, and I chose a double order of mushrooms).

 

All of this, plus a bottle of wine plus another glass, plus tax and tip, came to under $100 per person. Not bad. Not bad at all.

 

Service was a bit slow, but on a crowded Saturday night in the suburbs, about as expected. I repeat, in the general contiguous geographic suburban sprawl defined by Springfield, Burke, Lorton, Franconia, Fairfax Station and south Alexandria, this is the best restaurant by far.

 

To top it off, I chose this venue for Lady KN to receive a nice diamond for her ring finger. At some point in the near future, she will be known as Mrs. KN.

The Chef Geoff's customer is different from the Fiola or Joe's Noodle customer.

Unless it's me, in which case he's exactly the same.

For all the talk of "delicious, fairly priced and memorable" and "the stupid, ill-informed, unsophisticated, masses," there is often much to be said for a convenient, decent, civilized place perhaps not to "dine," but to "eat.'

Sometimes I feel as though the urge to dump on places like Cheff Geoff's or any Spike Mendelsson spot reveals a certain insecurity, as if we have to assert our sophistication to convince ourselves of it.  I'm speaking here more to the grand pronouncements of the last few posts as opposed to the "I ate there and didn't really like it" analyses earlier on.

"Since this is primarily a dining website, in search of artistry, I can't say that Chef Geoff's has culinary merit."  Oh, ick.  Does this mean we can't talk about Tater Tots and rotisserie chicken any more?

I always thought it was a website for people who like to eat and I get all nervous when people start dividing restaurants into the "worthy" and the "unworthy."

For what it's worth, I find CG's somewhere in the middle ground between truly loathsome places like Magianos and truly decent neighborhood places like Maple.  I think it's a shade pricy for what they deliver, but if there was one in Columbia Heights, I'd eat there every now and again because it's decent and close.

As someone whose girlfriend is vegan, this is kind of nice. I'm surprised they can't figure out any vegan breakfast items though. I mean, tofu scramble isn't that hard.

 

Black coffee and regret are both vegan. The latter is particularly popular at the Clarendon location on Saturday and Sunday mornings.

Exactly. You bill yourself as a steakhouse then the steaks better be the star, period. I am happy to hear that there are many other dishes worth ordering.

And since Khash is posting here, where do you get your beef, local farms? Do you do the dry aging in house and for how long?

 

The steaks are the star. Ironically, Todd Kliman's review just came out in the Mayissue of The Washingtonian with a different caption. It will be posted online at some point, but the headline reads, "OLD MEET NEW". I feel Todd's review does Monty's justice, whereas Tom seems to like almost everything about us except the steaks.

In a recent post, Todd makes a good point on one of his blogs in response to why his & Tom's reviews vary. Tom said, "As for two people having differing opinions on the place — why is that so surprising? Happens all the time in theater, with books, with music."

With regard to our beef supplier, A.M. Briggs is our beef supplier and we use their facility (only because we do not have the necessary "foot print" to dry-age in-house). We age the beef 21-28 days, then hand trim and cut our own portions in-house. Their source consists of some 200 local/family farms, with a foot print from New Jersey, Ohio and South Carolina. None of the farms use animal feed, and the like, to raise their cattle.

 

I'm not fond of "name dropping", but Bobby Van's in DC, Greenbrier Resort in WV, and the Homestead are all dry-aged in the same facility. So, Tom 'implied' that the beef is not dry-aged. He did not assert it. His inability to distinguish between dry-aged and non is surprising, but not offensive to us.

Most important, I think, as I explained to my sons who love basketball, no player in the NBA "sucks". Fans may be thoughtless in their comments of them, but only a finite number of players qualify to be in the NBA. Therefore, the worst player in the NBA is better than the best player who didn't make it.

Monty's, a startup founded on principals instilled in my sister and me by our parents, is being compared with some of the finest restaurants in the area...indeed outside of the area as well. Regardless of the ratings, we know who we are. We know who we serve. We will continue to "under promise, over deliver".

 

We appreciate Don Rockwell and all of the other fine friends we are making along the way. Posts from the community are what make Monty’s special. National recognition feeds the ego, yes. But a supportive community, employing unemployed community members, being considered an extension of our diner’s homes….that’s the stuff that builds communities.

Long story short, Tuesday night we arrived at Orso, my wife 3 days past her due date.  No signs of contractions.  

 

I ask Chef Will to create a baby buster chef's tasting menu. 5 beautiful courses, 4 perfect pizzas, and 10 hours later contractions had started.

 

20 hours after stepping foot into Orso, we were holding our new baby boy.

 

Will Artley, ladies and gentlemen, fetus whisperer.     

More than you wanted to know about Thai noodle dishes (ก๋วยเตี๋ยว).

 

     Thai noodle dishes are of Chinese origin and are relatively recent additions to the Thai culinary universe. Traditionally, Thai people prepared and ate food at home.  When large groups of Chinese laborers arrived, they brought their own cuisine and street vendors who sold prepared food for the mostly Chinese clientele. This happened throughout Southeast Asia, and “street food” owes much to Chinese migration. The Chinese brought new cooking techniques to Thailand, which were quickly incorporated into Thai cuisine. These include stir-frying and deep frying. In Thai, the word for stir-fry is Pad (or Phat ผัด, pronounced closer to the name Pat but with a long a, rather than the word pad as in “notepad”). Thai dishes with the name Pad (Phat) in them are of Chinese origin, even Pad Thai. One of the Thai words for rice noodle, the kind of rice noodle used in Pad dishes (not all Pad dishes are noodle dishes, most are not) is Kuaitdiow or Guai-tiaw or Gu-tiaw (ก๋วยเตี๋ยว) a word of Chinese origin. There are several types of rice noodles distinguished by size, i.e. Guai-tiaw sen lek is small cut, Guai-tiaw sen yai is wide cut.

    

Thai people make another type of rice noodle that has a much longer history in Thai cuisine. These are thin round strands of fresh rice noodle usually folded into small nests. Confusingly, the Thai name for this noodle in Kanom Cheen (ขนมจิ้ม). Kanom means snack or sweet, and Cheen (sometimes written jin) means Chinese, so the Thai name for these noodles translates to Chinese snack. These are usually served with curries, especially Nam Ya, a fish curry, and green curry (gaeng kiew wan).

 

Confused? Ok, back to Guai-tiaw.

     The four most popular Guai-tiaw dishes in American Thai restaurants are Guai-tiaw Pad Thai, Guai-tiaw Pad See Ew, Guai-tiaw Lad Na (also transliterated Rad Na, or Lard Na or Rat Na, all are pronounced the same) and Guai-tiaw Pad kee Mao. As you have probably figured, most Thai menus drop the Guai-tiaw as it is difficult to pronounce and transliterate. In the cases of Pad Thai, Pad See Ew and Lard Na, with the Guai-tiaw dropped, noodles are still implied. This is not necessarily the case for Pad Kee Mao, which can be prepared without noodles. Lets go ahead and break down each of these.

 

Guai-tiaw Pad See Ew, Guai-tiaw (rice noodles, in this case wide rice noodles, Sen Yai) Pad (stir fry) See Ew (soy sauce). That’s right. Noodles stir-fried with soy sauce, definitely a dish of Chinese origin. Ingredients are oil or lard, garlic (but no ginger, Thai cooks do not use ginger in the same way Chinese cooks do), sliced meat, egg, Chinese broccoli or similar green leafy vegetable, and a seasoning combination of any or all of the following; dark soy sauce (a must for this dish, See Ew), regular soy sauce or golden mountain sauce (a kind of Thai version of Soy sauce/maggi sauce), oyster sauce, sugar, sweet dark soy sauce, fish sauce, MSG, and white pepper. You could just use dark sweet soy (aka kecap manis in Indonesian) or a combination of some of the above listed ingredients. Each cook has her own formula, but obviously some form of soy sauce is a must in this dish. Here is a video of a nice young Thai lady teaching you how to make it.     

 

Guai-tiaw Lad Na. I actually have no idea what Lad Na (Rat Na, Lard Na, Lat Na) means. This dish is also super Chinese. It is very similar to Pad See Ew but is distinguished by a “gravy” or sauce, and the noodles are browned in a dry hot wok. Ingredients are almost the same as Pad see ew, but no egg, and the sauce is thickened by a slurry of starch at the end, usually tapioca starch, but corn starch or potato starch could also be used. This is the only Thai-Chinese dish I can think of that uses this thickening technique, a technique used in many (most?) Chinese stir-fries.  So, noodles (again Guai-tiaw Sen Yai or fresh wide rice noodles) are browned in scorching hot wok, usually without oil, till they darken at the edges, and are then set aside. This is the “hard” part. You need very fresh noodles and a very well seasoned very hot wok or you get a sticky burnt mess. Then lots of garlic is stir fried with sliced meat. Greens are added, usually Chinese broccoli. This dish uses similar seasonings as in Pad See Ew above, but this time dow jiow (fermented soy beans, aka Chinese miso) could also be added. Some stock or water is added and then thickened with starch. The result is poured over the waiting browned noodles.

 

Now my favorite, Guai-tiaw Pad kee Mao. Guai-tiaw (again Sen Yai, wide fresh rice noodles) Pad (stir fry) Kee Mao (a drunk person is called a Kee Mao, kinda sort of translates to shit (kee) faced (mao), but Kee Mao is not a state of being, but a type of a person, a drunkard, or lush) thus this is noodle stir-fry for a drunk person. The menu at Po Siam used to say “noodles of the drunks”. I always liked that. As I am a Kee Mao, I enjoy Guai-tiaw Pad kee Mao very much. As this a dish for drunks (which can also be made without noodles and served with rice) anything goes as far as what vegetables and stuff that can go into it.  The way I like it is pretty much Pad Grapao (holy basil stir fry) with noodles and cherry tomatoes, but finding it like this in the States is fairly impossible because holy basil does not grow that well all year long (only in the summer) and is highly perishable. In this dish, again garlic is used, but also lots and lots of Prik kee Nu Chilies (Prik=pepper or chili, kee= shit, Nu=mouse, so mouse poop peppers). I like to use about 20 of these hot little bastards, if it’s too hot to eat it’s perfect. Some cooks grind the garlic and chilies to a paste in a mortar and pestle, and may even add some fermented shrimp paste (kapi, shrimp miso). This resulting paste is fried in hot oil and some meat is added (either sliced or coarsely ground, I prefer the latter). Almost any vegetable is fair game it seams, bean sprouts, baby corn, whatever, who cares, they’re drunk, bell pepper, onion, I hate that shit, bell pepper sucks in Thai food, leave that shit out, and no onion either, but sliced shallots are ok. My vegetable of choice is holy basil, a big ass handful. Most Thai restaurants only throw in a few leaves cause their cheap bastards and your drunk and farang and it’s the wrong kind of basil anyway. It’s usually Bai Horopa (Bai= leaf, horopa = “Thai Basil”) which is ok, but really not the same at all. I like cherry tomatoes in this. In general, central Thais (Bangkok area) do not like tomato, especially cooked tomato. However, northern Thais (Lanna) use it quite a bit cooked, also northeastern Thais (Issan) like to roast tomatoes for one of many types of dipping sauces called jeaw. Seasoning is also kinda whatever, a combination of salty condiments as in the dishes above. Sometimes just fish sauce and palm sugar will do the trick, but oyster sauce is very trendy nowadays. I’ve heard of some cooks adding whiskey, but remember, it is the diner who is drunk, not the noodles.

 

Guai-tiaw Pad Thai, literally stir fried noodles Thai style. The word “Thai” is a qualifier that indicates that this is not a Chinese style Pad (Phat). My understanding is that this dish was invented (by a contest) in the 1920s during a fit of Thai nationalism (i.e anti-Chinese sentiment). The flavor profile of this dish is very different from the above in that there is no soy sauce, oyster sauce, fermented bean paste or any other seasoning of Chinese origin. The very Thai sweet and sour seasoning is usually Tamarind, palm sugar, and fish sauce. The ingredients, however, are all Chinese, rice noodles (sen lek this time, thinner cut), dried radish, pressed tofu, chives etc. Leela of Shesimmers.com has way more info about this dish and I encourage you to read all five posts of her Pad Thai series.

 

 Condiments. In Thailand, noodle dishes are always served with condiments. The condiments come in what is call a Khrueng Puang (เครื่องพวง) or ring of spices. Usually this is four or five containers with little spoons arranged in a metal holder. Ask for it if you don’t see it on the table. Each container had a different condiment, usually white sugar, crushed hot pepper (prik pon, made from dried prik ee nu), fresh green sliced chilies in vinegar (prik chee fah, milder bigger chilies or finger hots), fish sauce or fish sauce with chilies, and crushed roasted peanuts. Each diner is expected to season his or her own noodle dish to their liking. Here is some quick advice. Chilies in vinegar is a must for Pad See Ew and Lard Na, crushed dried chili (prik pon) is a must for Pad Thai (along with a squeeze of lime). Everything else is up to you.

 

Thai noodle dishes are not part of a regular Thai meal. They are some of the few Thai dishes that are meant to be eaten alone. They are considered one-dish meals. They are usually eaten for breakfast or lunch and are not usually shared. Consider them as we do sandwiches. Now, do you judge an fine Italian restaurant by its subs? Do you order a sandwich as part of your multi-course meal? Generally no, but that is what you are doing when you order your Thai noodle dish along with your curry and soup and other dishes. Thai noodles are specialty foods made by vendors with special equipment who usually specialize in only one or two dishes (like a deli or pizza parlor). Thai restaurants in Thailand (that don’t cater to tourists) don’t usually have Pad Thai or other noodle dishes, because you buy those from street vendor specialists.  A regular Thai meal however, is always multiple dishes, never in courses, but all at once and shared “family style”. It is called ahan kap khao, or just kap khao. Ahan means “food”, kap is “with” and khao is “rice”. Variety and contrast is very important to the Thai diner. There must be an array of flavors as well as textures and different dishes balance one another. But noodles have a place outside this type of meal and are dishes unto themselves.

 

By all means eat Thai food however you like, eat noodles with your other dishes if you want. I hope I have added some context and understanding that will add to your enjoyment of Thai noodle dishes. BTW there are many many more delightful Thai noodle dishes and more being invented everyday. Feel free to ask me questions, argue or disagree. I haven't even mentioned boat noodles.

Jonathan, thank you soooooooo much for clarifying!  This easily was the highest point of my life, not serving Thomas Keller, Michel Roux, and Heston Blumenthal at the same time, not being invited to cook at the James Beard House, and certainly not losing my virginity.  Sacking Michael Vick. Twice.  Surpasses all of these by far!! -I can't wait to prank call your purveyors from the west coast.  When you receive 10 cases of bananas, you'll know who to thank.   Don, thank you so much for the kind words.  It's hard to leave DC but I believe that an opportunity where I can drive across this awesome country, stage and eat in some of it's best restaurants on the way and then spend a summer working in wilderness lodge (that doesn't have a road leading to it) foraging from the sea and land, harvesting oysters from the bay it's connected to, and receiving fish the day it is caught- is a very rare opportunity.  Especially when it's for a max of 16 people!  Thank all of you for your continued support and passion for food, this website/message board is always a great read especially because it's so focused on cuisine and what the actual diners think of it!  LOVE TO ALL THE DONROCKWELLIANS! p.s. remember when my Dad posted on here a few years back, man that was weird!

Cochon 555 DC 2013 (speechwriter for the Range administration). 

 

Prosciutto Cotto & Mortadella

Asparagus in blood aspic

and chicories in a smoked ham-hock vinaigrette.

-∞∞∞-

Leverpostej

Danish-style liver terrine wrapped in cured belly.

Salted and cured anchovies, a couple of marinated capers.

-∞∞∞-

Pâté en Croûte

It’s heart, tongue, kidney, fatback, pistachios and a few figs.

Some pickled rhubarb and mushrooms.

-∞∞∞-

Pork Belly Pojarski

Breaded and fried

Ramp gribiche.

-∞∞∞-

L’Astet

Loins roasted with spring garlic

Warm confit potatoes and 4-spice rillettes.

-∞∞∞-

Saucisson en Brioche

Clothbound cheddar sausage baked in a leaf lard brioche

And cracklin’ whipped lard.

 

 

Pâté en Croûte with pistachio inlay.

 

Prosciutto Cotto, Mortadella, Spalla Cotta, Saucisson en brioche.

1^st three courses

Asparagus in blood aspic (stock from bones,  skin & beets; clarified with blood), pâté en croute, liver terrine.

Cheddar saucisson en brioche (baker Ben Arnold), pork belly Pojarski, smoked lard & pretzel truffles (pastry chef John Miele),  roasted loin & tenderloin-within with potato and rillettes.  (Max Flatow photography)

Volt, L'Auberge Provençale, Antrim 1844, or Inn at Little Washington if money is no object.

 

My biggest concern about Inn at Little Washington is how unlikely it would be to make it onto the proper side of my Keller Line.

 

There is a lot of on the menu thats available at A&J.  Cross reference is to the A&J menu item number.

Left side of menu
Chinese kimchi (not spicy but sour) $2.95 #5213
Cold cucumber salad $3.95 #5203 but the version here may not be spicy
Cold seaweed salad $2.95 #5211 but the version here does not specify bean sprouts
Peanuts $2.95 (not sure how it's prepared)
Cold snow cabbage w/ edamame salad $3.95 #5207
1,000 yr. old egg with soft tofu $4.95 #5201
Cold firm tofu salad $3.95 #5209
Cold drunken chicken $4.95
Shanghai veggie imitation chicken $4.95
Vegetarian stuff that I cant translate (bean curd related) $4.95 #5208
Cold spicy and numbing beef tendon $6.95
Cold duck in Shanghai sauce $6.95
Cold Shanghai smoked fish $5.95
5 Spice beef $6.95
Salt and pepper little dragon fish $5.95
Cold jellyfish salad with scallion and oil $6.95
Husband/wife lung slices (spicy beef, tendon, tripe) $6.95
***
all dishes above are served cold, all dishes below are served warm/hot
* available only on weekends
 
* Traditional wrap for you tiao $1.95
* You tiao (long fried dough) $1.55
* Sweet soy milk $1.85
* Savory soy milk $1.95
Steamed bun with red bean paste (sweet) $2.95
Scallion pancake $2.95
Steamed bun with meigan cai (mustard green, commonly prepared with pork belly) $2.95
Steamed bun with pork and greens $2.95
Pastry stuffed with leeks ($2.95
*Rice ball (maybe arancini is a better description because this is big, doesnt specify sweet or savory) $3.95
Pastry stuffed with pumpkin $2.95
Malaysia cake (sponge type cake) $2.95
Pan fried dumpling stuffed with leeks (with jiaozi-like wrap) $4.95
Char siu pastry $2.95
Yellow crab shell pastry (stuffed with scallion, no actual crab) $2.95
Red bean pastry with pine nuts? $2.95 #6301
Pastry with shredded daikon $2.95 #4110
Half moon shaped pastry stuffed with ground meat (probably pork) $3.5
Spicy oil mixed with wontons  $3.95 #2102
Pastry stuffed with ground beef $4.95
Sticky rice siu mai $3.95
Japanese siu mai $3.95
Vegetarian pot stickers $4.95
 
I'll do the right side later

 

INAUGURATION FEVER

 

Guess what? I have a fever and the only prescription is more cow. And more Obama.

 

In what may well be the final paroxysms of ecstatic cathartic release bringing to a close the cycle of madness that was begun here in these pages over 4 1/2 years ago, we will be honoring and celebrating the Inauguration in the most fitting way possible--in one great Song of the He-Goat.

 

On Sunday, January 20, 2013 (the Private Swearing In) we will be offering 2013 Li'l Devils with Vermont Cheddar Cheese and Tomato (Dijon Optional) and a small side (changing throughout the day, no guarantees) AT ABSOLUTELY NO COST. Free. Gratis (Bottled sodas/water $2--cash only).

 

Crazy? Mad? Insane?

 

Well, on Monday, January 21, 2013, we will be doing the very same thing! 2013 Li'l Devils with Cheddar and Tomato. Cheeseburgers. Free. Or as I like to call them, sorry I can't help myself, dithyramburgers.

 

The catch? We request that for each burger a $5 donation be made (checks are cool), which we will turn over to the Boys and Girls Club in its entirety. Sunday will go to the Boys and Girls Club in North East for their after school meals program (often the only meal of the day outside of the school free lunch program for many of these kids). Monday will go to the Boys and Girls Club of Alexandria where many of my employees were members as kids and whose own kids are clients today.

 

I'll make up the difference for any cheapskates out there out of pocket, guarantying each day's take to be $10,065, hopefully more.

 

My only request? That the line proceed a strictly anapestic manner at all times, with no exceptions. Enforcers will be on hand.

 

Caveats: Burgers will be cooked to medium (and may well lose pinkness to carry-over cooking, affecting color but not juiciness). Special orders, outside of no cheese for those who can't take it off themselves, most likely to not be possible or honored, at least not pleasantly, depending on length of line. One per person physically present (exceptions made for the elderly,  the infirm, or children--who will all die if you use them to lie in order to score extra dithyramburgers).

 

Final caveat: While no doubt hamartia will abound and exhibit freely, no anagnorisis is implied or guaranteed in this offer.

 

Location: Ray's To The Third, 1650 Wilson Boulevard. (Unfortunately, the original Hell-Burger locations are jammed up in litigation right now and are not available for this celebration as originally planned).

 

Time: 11:30 AM until the last burger is given away, both days. (Regular menu will not be available at The Third, but Ray's The Steaks and Retro Ray's will be open as (ab?)normal. Reservations highly recommended for both days).

 

I put my pants on the same way the rest of you do--one leg at a time. Except when my pants are on I make great cheeseburgers.

 

Don, you may retire the thread now.

We happened into Black Fox very early Saturday evening because their windows were open and we wanted to enjoy the last of the warm air. Soon after we ordered drinks, an elderly man entered and sat at the bar. He was stooped, moving slowly, but was elegantly dressed and clearly at ease with being solo. He ordered a drink and asked for a menu.

When the giant cheesburger arrived, he dismantled it. He piled the raw onion and tomato on the top bun. He added a generous shake of salt and pepper, and ate this element first. He then ate every french fry, carefully dipping each in ketchup. Finally, he used a knife and fork to eat every bit of the cheesburger and bottom bun. It was both adorable and life-affirming to watch him so clearly enjoying his own experience, displaying courtly manners and gusto at the same time. He then asked for black coffee, which he sipped while he read one of the papers piled at the end of the bar. He paid with cash, and handed the tip to the bartender, looking directly at him while saying, "this is for you."

Perhaps he reminded me of my own father, of similar age, less stooped and also slighly less elegant, who has taken to enjoying an occasional solo weekday lunch while my Mom is otherwise occupied.  His friends his own age are all deceased and He can't drive at night. I know how much he enjoys a meal "his way," and how sweet he is to servers who treat him as the gentleman he is. So maybe I was overcome with a wave of stupid sentimentality thinking about my Dad, but watching this lovely man practically made me weepy. For this, I will always have a soft spot for the Black Fox.

Oh, and the bartender was super friendly and interesting, and the burger looked delicious. This place may be a poser douche parade later at night, but on a warm, breezy early spring evening it was as welcoming as could be.

The next step. Stop in for some bistro spirit. http://www.bastillerestaurant.com/

 

 

http://www.washingto...g-out-gurus-alt