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"All In The Family" (1971-1979), CBS Family Sit-Com Developed by Norman Lear


DonRocks

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We all remember "All In The Family's" opening theme song, with Archie and Edith Bunker singing in front of an old, slightly-out-of-tune spinet.

But there were a couple of words that I wasn't sure of (*), and when I got to thinking about it, I didn't quite know the lyrics. After a bit of investigation, I think I stumbled upon a theory as important, and as obscure, as this one or this one.

Here are the lyrics to the theme song - you can find numerous variations all over the internet. But one subtle importance is that I've seen several versions that use the phrase "And you knew who you were then," as opposed to, "And you knew where you were then."

That might not seem like much, but knowing a bit about Jean Stapleton (and having proudly seen her in the 1987 revival of "Arsenic And Old Lace" on Broadway <-- that was a humble brag), I suspect she might have taken the more severe lyrics, "who you were," and substituted the more digestible "where you were." Note that this is the part of the song where she goes into a screech, focusing the audience's attention on her singing style rather than the actual song.

Sadly, I thought it was, "And if you were human then." Honestly, for years, I did.

(*) Perhaps most importantly, does this take a plural or singular? I'm going singular here, but I'm not ruling anything out.

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Regarding the words to the opening theme, it always sounded like "where you were then" to me, and I really doubt that Jean Stapleton had much say in what words she sang. In the pilot, which I just found somewhere on youtube but didn't save the link, both O'Connor and Stapleton sing that line, and it's clearly "where". The big issue with the lyrics back at the time, in the first season and maybe the second, was the line "gee, our old LaSalle ran great", which nobody could understand. It sounded sort of like "G-R-O le saran grate". In later seasons they articulated it very distinctly, which they hadn't done before.

Some sit-coms from the sixties and seventies have worn pretty well, most notably the Dick van Dyke Show and the Mary Tyler Moore show, both, obviously, featuring Mary Tyler Moore, who had a lot to do with the quality of both shows. Others haven't, such as All in the Family. It's hard to watch it today, at least for me. For every funny line from Archie, there are twenty moments that make me cringe.

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It's 2:00 am and I'm wide awake, so I'll have a go.  Here's the song as I remember it:

boy, the way Glenn Miller played
songs that made the Hit Parade
guys like us, we had it made,
those were the days

and you knew who you was then
girls were girls and men were men
mister we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again

Didn't need no welfare state
ev'rybody pulled his weight
gee our old La Salle ran great
those were the days

I have no idea if that's correct, but it's what I remember.  If Steve weren't sitting here next to me trying to fix the internet I'd go find a clip on youtube and listen to it (he despised that show).

Jet lag sucks.

I have a memory for jingles.  Bum bum bumblebee, bumblebee tuna, I love bumblebee, bumblebee tuna...  Trying to remember the lyrics to "Laverne and Shirley" and I can't.

I really wish I could sleep now.

Don go ahead and delete this, it probably reads like delirious rambling.

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Jet lag sucks.

I have a memory for jingles.  Bum bum bumblebee, bumblebee tuna, I love bumblebee, bumblebee tuna...  Trying to remember the lyrics to "Laverne and Shirley" and I can't.

I really wish I could sleep now.

Don go ahead and delete this, it probably reads like delirious rambling.

It *was* delirious rambling, but you made that clear in the first sentence with your jet lag comment. It was also fun to read, and very stream of consciousness.

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Regarding the words to the opening theme, it always sounded like "where you were then" to me, and I really doubt that Jean Stapleton had much say in what words she sang. In the pilot, which I just found somewhere on youtube but didn't save the link, both O'Connor and Stapleton sing that line, and it's clearly "where". The big issue with the lyrics back at the time, in the first season and maybe the second, was the line "gee, our old LaSalle ran great", which nobody could understand. It sounded sort of like "G-R-O le saran grate". In later seasons they articulated it very distinctly, which they hadn't done before.

Some sit-coms from the sixties and seventies have worn pretty well, most notably the Dick van Dyke Show and the Mary Tyler Moore show, both, obviously, featuring Mary Tyler Moore, who had a lot to do with the quality of both shows. Others haven't, such as All in the Family. It's hard to watch it today, at least for me. For every funny line from Archie, there are twenty moments that make me cringe.

This may be an early season because I think it's this rendition that caused me to think she was singing, "And if you were human then" (I was only about ten years old, and it actually does sound like that if you listen for it).

I also thought the first line was, "Boy the week Glen Miller played."

After close scrutiny, it's clear she's singing "where" and not "who," but I had to really concentrate, and listen about five times for that first "w" sound (as opposed to an "h" sound).

And they definitely are not articulating the LaSalle line here (I've heard other renditions where they are). I had no idea what this line was, and even if you had told me, I wouldn't have known what a LaSalle was.

New information, and in the "strange but true" category: Carroll O'Connor is my fraternity brother (*) along with James Naismith and Dr. Seuss (how's *that* for fucked up?). I didn't make the list, yet, but it's coming along with the MacArthur Fellowship and the Beard Award and that snowball in hell.

In 1973, Mad Magazine ran a satire called ---> Offensive "Gall In The Family Fare" <--- Offensive that came with a cheap little vinyl record in it (that YouTube link is what's on the record (which is just a radio-show type reading of the comic - the comments on that YouTube page are actually interesting reading and thoughtful)). Less offensive, from what I remember, was "Star Blecch."

(*) At Clemson, you either joined a fraternity, or spent the weekends cow tipping.

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Season One - Season Directed by John Rich (13)

1. "Meet The Bunkers" - Jan 12, 1971: post-2-0-42009600-1442071783_thumb.png <--- "Gloria, you married the laziest white man I ever seen."

Written by Norman Lear

[Notes: Gloria (Sally Struthers) and Mike (Rob Reiner) throw Archie (Carroll O'Connor) and Edith (Jean Stapleton) a 22nd-aniversary party.]

2. "Writing The President" - Jan 19, 1971: post-2-0-59110900-1442071992_thumb.png <--- "Dear Mr. President, Your Honor, Sir ...."

Written by - Story: Lee Erwin and Fred Freiberger, Teleplay: Paul Harrison, Lennie Weinrib, and Norman Lear (2)

[Notes: Mike writes Richard Nixon, so Archie decides to write him also (wearing a coat and tie) - two very different letters, needless to say.]

3. "Archie's Aching Back" - Jan 26, 1971: post-2-0-97548400-1442072806_thumb.png <--- "C'mon Mr. Rabinowitz here, help yourself to some wine there, that's Morgan-David."

Written by Stanley Ralph Ross

[Notes: Archie gets rear-ended, fakes an injury, and gets a Jewish lawyer (Solomon Rabiniwitz (Salem Ludwig)), who folds when three nuns become witnesses.]

4. "Archie Gives Blood" - Feb 2, 1971: post-2-0-63818000-1442073967_thumb.png <--- "Is that mine?" "Not anymore." <Archie then faints.>

Written by Norman Lear (3)

[Notes: Mike talks Archie into giving blood, but Archie is insistent that only a Caucasian will receive it. Lionel toys with Archie, just like he always does.]

5. "Judging Books By Covers" - Feb 9, 1971: post-2-0-84812200-1442074740_thumb.png <--- "Arch, how long ya known me, 10, 12 years?" "Yeah?" "In all that time, did I ever mention a woman?"

Written by Burt Styler and Norman Lear (4)

[Notes: Archie chastises Mike's straight friend Roger (Anthony Geary) for being gay, and brags about his football-player friend/idol Steve (Philip Carey), who turns out to be gay.]

6. "Gloria Has A Bellyful" - Feb 16, 1971: post-2-0-01657400-1442082263_thumb.png <--- "I love you too, daddy."

Written by Jerry Mayer

[Notes: Gloria announces she's pregnant, to Archie's (and surprisingly, to Mike's) consternation, but she ends up losing the baby. A touching ending.]

7. "Mike's Hippie Friends Come To Visit" - Feb 23, 1971: post-2-0-52477600-1442081941_thumb.png <--- "Hey, what's happening, man?" "I'm havin' a stroke." "Far out, I can dig it."

Written by - Story: Philip Mishkin and Rob Reiner, Teleplay: Philip Mishkin, Rob Reiner, Don Nicholl, and Bryan Joseph

[Notes: Archie refuses to let Mike's unmarried hippie friends, Paul and (voluntarily mute) Robin, spend the night, so a third hippie, Jeff, comes to get them.]

8. "Lionel Moves Into The Neighborhood" - Mar 2, 1971: post-2-0-29753600-1442088931_thumb.png <--- "Good neighbors come in all colors." (A self-serving Vincent Gardenia in his 1st of 3 very different roles played.)

Written by Don Nicholl (2) and Bryan Joseph (2)

[Notes: Archie thinks Louise Jefferson (Isabel Sanford) is a maid, but the Jeffersons have bought Jim Bowman's house and moved into the neighborhood.]

9. "Edith Has Jury Duty" - Mar 9, 1971: post-2-0-07868800-1442090297_thumb.png <--- "Eleven of us say he's guilty." [Doris Singleton] "Well, I got a reasonable doubt."

Written by - Story: Susan Harris, Teleplay: Susan Harris, Don Nicholl (3), and Bryan Joseph (3)

[Notes: Edith gets assigned to a murder trial, and is the lone holdout. She is proven right, however, and ends up being a community heroine on the news.]

10. "Archie Is Worried About His Job" - Mar 16, 1971: post-2-0-59389200-1442089485_thumb.png <--- "Feeney [Burt Mustin], what did you find out?" "I'm trying to tell you."

Written by - Story: William Bickley, Jr., Teleplay: Norman Lear (5), Don Nicholl (4), and Bryan Joseph (4)

[Notes: Archie is worried sick over big layoffs coming to his company. After a motley slew of 3AM visitors, good news comes, and Archie's job is saved.]

11. "Gloria Discovers Women's Lib" - Mar 23, 1971: post-2-0-26732300-1442090506_thumb.png <--- "That equality can only come about when the female partner is willing to confess her total inferiority."

Written by Norman Lear (6) and Sandy Stern

[Notes: Gloria gets the Women's Lib bug and infects Edith, and both Archie and even open-minded Mike are miffed. This is also the famous "chair trick" episode.]

12. "Success Story" - Mar 30, 1971: post-2-0-80544200-1442090893_thumb.png <--- "Greg, don't hang up on me.".

Written by Burt Styler (2) - Burt Styler has written perhaps the two most penetrating episodes of Season One.

[Notes: Archie's WWII buddy, wildly successful Eddie Frazier (William Windom) turns out not to be as he's portrayed, but only Mike knows this.]

13. "First And Last Supper" - Apr 6, 1971: post-2-0-27339600-1442091072_thumb.png <--- "Well, if God *wasn't* black, then how come he built *us* so much better than *you*?"

Writen by Jerry Mayer (2)

[Notes: Edith invites the Jeffersons over for dinner. Archie is furious at her neighborly gesture, but Mr. Jefferson (Mel Stewart) turns the tables on him in the end.]

---

End of Season One, with highlights being episodes 5 (with superb acting by Anthony Geary) and 12 (which defines "pathos," and demonstrates the power of silence via Rob Reiner). An interesting thing is how much dialog between two characters is filmed by showing only one character at a time (as you can tell by some of my screen shots - I had to really hunt sometimes to get pictures with both characters in them).

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Season Two - Season Two Directed by John Rich (37)

 
1. "The Saga of Cousin Oscar" - Sep 18, 1971: post-2-0-30126100-1442680800_thumb.png <--- "Why didn't you wake Oscar up?!" "He's dead."
 
Written by - Story: Burt Styler (3), Teleplay: Burt Styler and Norman Lear (7)
[Notes: Archie's freeloading, unwanted visitor, "Cousin Oscar" (who is never seen), dies in his sleep. Archie must decide to have a funeral or a simple disposal.]
 
2. "Gloria Poses In The Nude" - Sep 25, 1971: post-2-0-39945300-1442685825_thumb.png "... the face of a *doll*, and the body of a ... of a *woman*!"

 
Written by Michael RossBernie West, and Norman Lear (8)
[Notes: Szabo (David Soul), A Hungarian artist friend, offers to paint Gloria nude, to Archie's skepticism. Mike, initially open-minded, tortures himself into suspicion.]

 
3. "Archie And The Lock-Up" - Oct 2, 1971: post-2-0-59117300-1442692941_thumb.png <--- [Archie in jail using nasal spray] "Hey, man! You're gonna blow your *mind* sniffing that stuff!"
 
Written by - Story: Paul Wayne, Teleplay: Paul Wayne, Michael Ross (2), and Bernie West (2)
[Notes: Mike goes to a Pentagon protest, and Archie goes to rescue him, getting locked up in the process, and, oops, calling the Polish Sergeant (Allan Melvin) a Pollack.]
 
4. "Edith Writes A Song" - Oct 9, 1971: post-2-0-09275400-1442693140_thumb.png <--- "I ain't no bigot. I'm the foist guy to say it ain't your fault that youse are colored."

 
Written by Lee Kalcheim
[Notes: With $30 in the "family pot," Edit submits lyrics to be set to music; Archie uses it for home defense. Two burglars (Cleavon Little and Demond Wilson) break in, and a great interplay occurs.]

 
5. "Flashback: Mike Meets Archie" - Oct 16, 1971: post-2-0-31307200-1442694193_thumb.png <--- "Lemme tell you something, Mr. Bunker ..." "No, lemme tell *you* something, Mr. Stivic: You are a Meathead."
 
Written by Philip Mishkin (2) and Rob Reiner (2)
[Notes: Guess who comes to dinner? Mike, in a flashback during their one-year anniversary party - and it was quite the disastrous first meeting, too.]

6. "The Election Story" - Oct 23, 1971: post-2-0-54903300-1442695277_thumb.png <--- "Now, you'd better stop runnin' for public office, and start runnin' after a husband, because I'm gonna tell you from where I sit, you got some runnin' to do."

 
Written by Michael Ross (3) and Bernie West (3)
[Notes: Gloria and Mike campaign left; Archie gets ticked off and counters by campaigning right. But Archie hasn't voted since 1960, and isn't registered.]

7. "Edith's Accident" Nov 6, 1971: post-2-0-28584600-1442695751_thumb.png <--- "I'm John Majeski." [pause] "You're kiddin'." "No, I'm Father John Majeski."

Written by - Story: Alfred Lewis Levitt and Helen Slote Levitt (credited as Tom and Helen August), Teleplay: Michael Ross (4) and Bernie West (4)
[Notes: Edith damages a car while buying cling peaches. John Majeski (Barnard Hughes) comes over after getting a $197 estimate, not at all what he seems to be.]

8. "The Blockbuster" - Nov 13, 1971: post-2-0-55344700-1442779039_thumb.png <--- "Archie, this guy's a blockbuster!"

Written by - Story: Austin Kalish and Irma Kalish, Teleplay by Michael Ross (5), Bernie West (5), Austin Kalish, and Irma Kalish
[Notes: Chester Byrd (Thalmus Rasulala) is a notorious "blockbuster," a black realtor who uses shady, racially charged tactics to buy and sell houses.]

9. "Mike's Problem" - Nov 20, 1971: post-2-0-49518900-1442779294_thumb.png <--- "Now, calmly. We have to discuss this openly, intelligently, and calmly." "You said calmly twice!" "Damn it! Would you let me finish?!"

Written by - Story: Alan J. Levitt (who I think is different than Alfred Lewis Levitt), Teleplay: Alan J. Levitt and Philip Mishkin (3)
[Notes: Mike is under a lot of stress at school, and has been having trouble performing his husbandly duties - he's so desperate that he turns to Archie for advice.]

10. "The Insurance Is Canceled" - Nov 27, 1971: post-2-0-71525800-1442779793_thumb.png <--- "The boundary for the high-risk neighborhood runs right along here, and ... here's your house!"

Written by Lee Kalcheim (2)
[Notes: The Bunkers have been rezoned, and their homeowners' insurance has been canceled; at the same time, Archie unfairly lays off Little Emanuel (Rafael Campos) in this parable.

11. "The Man In The Street" - Dec 4, 1971: post-2-0-40620400-1442780419_thumb.png <--- "I said Mr. Nixon is preservin' the spirit of competition and free enterprise." "Oh, really? How's he doing that, Arch?" "By keepin' out Jap moichandise and forcin' the public to buy American!"

Written by - Story: Paul Harrison (2) and Lennie Weinrib (2), Teleplay: Don Nicholl (5), Paul Harrison, and Lennie Weinrib
[Notes: Archie gets randomly interviewed as an "everyman worker" on the CBS Evening News with Walter Cronkite, panic sets in trying to find a working TV.]

12. Cousin Maude's Visit - Dec 11, 1971: post-2-0-22352300-1442780804_thumb.png <--- "This country was ruined by Franklin Delano Roosevelt!" [An obviously peeved Maude slowly turns towards Archie.] "You're fat."

Written by - Story: Philip Mishkin (4), Teleplay: Philip Mishkin, Michael Ross (6), and Bernie West (6)
[Notes: Everyone but Edith is down with the flu, so her cousin Maude Findlay (Beatrice Arthur) comes to take care of them (over Archie's flu-ridden body). The start of "Maude."

13. "Christmas Day At The Bunkers" - Dec 18, 1971: post-2-0-06955200-1445303297_thumb.png <--- "So you're supposed to be Santy Claus, are ya?" "Ho, Ho, Ho!" "You look more like a rabbi to me."

Written by Don Nicholl (6)
[Notes: Archie conceals that a mistake at work cost him his Christmas bonus. This episode truly is "A Day In The Life," with nothing extraordinary happening except the Jefferson's stopping by.]

14. "The Elevator Story" - Jan 1, 1972: 5417191985_666b633d0e.jpg <--- A young Latina (Edith Diaz, 2nd from left) has a baby on the elevator.

Written by Alan J. Levitt (2)
[Notes: Archie gets stuck in an elevator with a motley crew, including an upper-class gentleman of color, Hugh Victor Thompson III (Roscoe Lee Browne). A twist on the old psychology-class situation.]

15. "Edith's Problem" - Jan 8, 1972: screen-shot-2014-07-19-at-12-52-09-pm.pn <--- Edith subject to hormones

Written by - Story: Burt Styler (4) and Steve Zacharias, Teleplay: Burt Styler
[Notes: Edit is visited by menopause, and Hell's fury kicks in to everyone's surprise. Archie tries to be kind and patient, but ultimately the real man shines through, which oddly reassures Edith.]

16.  "Archie and the FBI" - Jan 16, 1972: Archie_and_the_FBI.jpg <--- Archie's "friend," Larry Grundy (Graham Jarvis)

Written by Michael Ross (7) and Bernie West (7) and Susan Harris
[Notes: An FBI agent is snooping around the neighborhood, asking questions to people about many neighbors. Archie seems content to rat out his friend despite their potential friendship.]

17. Mike's Mysterious Son - Jan 23, 1972: Mikes_Mysterious_Son.jpg <-- Mike's child, Stephen Manley

Written by Warren S. Murray
[Notes: A woman shows up, drops "Mike's child" off, and leaves, creating havoc at the Bunker's. She finally comes back and admits the child, Danny, isn't Mike's (she was having a bad moment)].

18. "Archie Sees A Mugging" - Jan 29, 1972: 5610.jpg <--- One's a cop, the other's a mobster: Tony Vicino (Jack Somack) and Ralph Sylvestri (Val Bisoglio)
 
Written by - Story: Henry Garson, Teleplay: Philip Mishkin (5) and Don Nicholl (7)
[Archie witnesses a mugging, and doesn't want to get involved, so he invents a story about the Mafia, only to be visited by two potentially menacing men - one a cop, and the other a robber.]
 
19. "Archie and Edith, Alone" - Feb 5, 1972: Arche_and_Edith_Alone.jpg <--- Everything except saying "I'm sorry"
 
Written by - Story: Tina Pine and Les Pine, Teleplay: Lee Kalcheim (3), Michael Ross (8), and Bernie West (8)
[Mike and Gloria go off camping, leaving Archie and Edith alone. Archie makes an insensitive remark and refuses to apologize, setting off a week of high tension between the two.]
 
20. "Edith Gets A Mink" - Feb 12, 1972: Edith_Gets_a_Mink.jpg <--- Oops.
 
Written by - Story: David Pollock and Elias Davis, Teleplay: David Pollock, Elias Davis, and Don Nicholl (8)
[Notes: Archie is angry that Edith accepted a mink from her cousin, but has a change of heart when it's damaged at the cleaners and they're getting cash instead.]
 
21. "Sammy's Visit" - Feb 19, 1972: amgyb_tne.jpg <--- Sammy Davis, Jr. takes a parting photo for the Bunkers.
 
Written by Bill Dana
[Notes: Sammy Davis, Jr. (as himself) leaves his suitcase in Archie's cab, and come over to get it. Chaos ensues, especially with the Jeffersons, and Archie spouts one of the great one-liners in TV history.]
 
22. "Edith The Judge" - Feb 26, 1972: mqdefault.jpg <--- Archie, appalled at Edith's honesty.

 
Written by Lee Kalcheim (4)
[Archie ruins a laundromat's best washing machine, and in the same process, his entire load of clothes. Both men blame each other, and agree to use Edith as an impartial judge.]
 
23. "Archie Is Jealous" - Mar 4, 1972: 5615.jpg <--- When Archie confides in Mike, you *know* he's in bad shape.
 
Written by Rod Parker
[Notes: Archie discovers Edith went away with a man on a weekend before they were married (nothing happened), and becomes insanely jealous in the process while trying not to show it.]
 
24. "Maude" - Mar 11, 1972: mqdefault.jpg <--- Walter Findlay (Bill Macy) is introduced, and daughter Carol Traynor (Marcia Rodd) makes her only appearance.
 
Written by Rod Parker (2)
[Notes: This season-ending episode was an obvious foil for a spin-off - too obvious. Maude's family is annoying and unlikable (as is Maude), and thank goodness for Adrienne Barbeau.]

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Season Three - Season Three Directed by John Rich (56) and Bob LaHendro (16) Except Where Noted

 
1. "Archie and the Editorial" - Sep 16, 1972: hqdefault.jpg <--- Archie airing his views on gun control on TV
 
Directed by Norman Campbell
Written by - Story: George Bloom, Teleplay: George Bloom and Don Nicholl (9)
[Notes: Archie, livid at a liberal TV-station owner's views on gun control, goes on to rebut the editorial, then turns out to be the surprise victim of his own beliefs.]
 
2. "Archie's Fraud" - Sep 23, 1972: 5618.jpg <--- The IRS Agent (James McEachin)
 
Directed by Norman Campbell (2)
Written by - Michael Ross (9) and Bernie West (9)
[Notes: Archie didn't report his income from driving Munson's cab, gets called into the IRA, and tries to bribe an IRS agent - it doesn't go over very well.]
 
3. "The Threat" - Sep 30, 1972: 7dcda4a7d2740736e14c00a05daa110c.jpg <--- The lovely and threatening Bobby Jo (Gloria LeRoy)
 
Directed by John Rich
Written by - Story: Bill ManhoffLila Garrett, and Michael Elias, Teleplay: Lila Garrett and Michael Elias
[Notes: Archie is taken off-guard by his army buddy's new, shapely wife, succumbing to her flirtatious, but honorable, personality, worrying Edith, and condemning the girl in the process.]
 
4. "Gloria and the Riddle" - Oct 7, 1972: 5620.jpg <--- Gloria's feminist friend, Tammy (Patricia Stich)
 
Directed by Bob LaHendro and Robert H. Livingston
Written by Don Nicholl (10)
[Notes: A definite feminist episode, Gloria's friend Tammy presents an unsolvable riddle to Archie which is figured out by Edith, demonstrating the bias that men show towards women.]
 
5. "Lionel Steps Out" - Oct 14, 1972: 280x157-66g.jpg <--- Dianne Hull plays Linda, Archie's niece who goes out dancing with Lionel.
 
Directed by John Rich 
Written by - Story: Terry Ryan, Michael Ross (10), and Bernie West (10), Teleplay: Michael Ross and Bernie West
[Notes: Archie has enjoyed the visit from his niece, Linda (Diane Hull), but is beside himself when he finds out that she has dancing with Lionel on her final evening as a guest.]
 
6. "Edith Flips Her Wig" - Oct 21, 1972: 0.jpg <--- Edith turns to Father Majeski for guidance.
 
Directed by Hal Cooper
Written by Sam LockeOlga Vallance, and Don Nicholl (11)
[Notes: Edith absent-mindedly leaves a department store wearing a wig, and begins to have anxiety about being a kleptomaniac. Father Majeski intervenes, and so does Archie.]
 
7. "The Bunkers and the Swingers" - Oct 28, 1972: 500px-Ruth_and_Curtis_Rempley.png <--- Rue McClanahan and Vincent Gardenia (his 2nd of 3 characters in the series)
 
Written by - Story: Norman Lear (9), Teleplay: Michael Ross (11), Bernie West (11), and Lee Kalchaim (5)
[Notes: Edith unwittingly answers an ad written by two swingers, who show up at the Bunkers bearing gifts, and hoping to bare a lot more than that in this wickedly fun episode.]
 
8."Mike Comes into Money" - Nov 4, 1972: post-2-0-29583200-1442071096_thumb.png <--- This was telecast three days before the Nixon-McGovern election.

 
Directed by John Rich
Written by Michael Ross (12) and Bernie West (12)
[Notes: Mike inherits $200, and donates it to the George McGovern campaign which infuriates Archie, who expects The Meathead to start paying for his room and board.]
 
9. "Flashback: Mike and Gloria's Wedding - Part One" - Nov 11, 1972: 0.jpg <--- Uncle Casimir (Michael Conrad)
 
Written by Rob Reiner (3) and Philip Mishkin (6)
[Notes: During their anniversary, Mike and Gloria reminisce about their wedding, the entire episode being a flashback which includes Mike's proud Polish uncle Casimir.]
 
10. "Flashback: Mike and Gloria's Wedding - Part Two" - Nov 18, 1972: hqdefault.jpg <--- I couldn't find a picture of the ceremony!
 
Written by Rob Reiner (4) and Philip Mishkin (7)
[Notes: Part two focuses on a conflict on who should conduct the wedding ceremony - the Bunkers want Protestant, Casimir wants Catholic, and Mike and Gloria want a judge.]
 
11. "Mike's Appendix" - Dec 2, 1972: hqdefault.jpg
 
Written by Michael Ross (13) and Bernie West (13)
[Notes: Mike has appendicitis, which is a MacGuffin for the deeper issue of whether or not surgeons should be women. One scene where he screams out is "I'll have what she's having" funny.]
 
12. "Edith's Winning Ticket" - Dec 9, 1972: 0.jpg <--- Archie talking some sense into Edith.
 
Written by Don Nicholl (12)
[Notes: Edith discovers she has a winning lottery ticket, to Archie's delight, but things get complicated and less fuzzy-happy when Louis Jefferson is introduced into the situation.]
 
13. "Archie and the Bowling Team" - Dec 16, 1972: 5630.jpg <--- Bowling captain Moose Hansen (Brad Logan)
 
Written by - Story: Don Nicholl (13), Teleplay: Allan Katz and Don Reo
[Notes: Archie is excited that he gets a chance to be on his neighborhood's championship bowling team, his only obstacle being that he must beat a talented black bowler for the final spot on the roster ...]
 
14. "The Locket" - Dec 23, 1972: f6cyb_tne.jpg <--- Archie phones in the devastating loss of Edith's locket.
 
Directed by Hal Cooper (2)
Written by Robert Fisher and Arthur Marx
[Notes: Edith loses her prized heirloom necklace, and Archie reports it to the insurance company to collect $200. Then, Edith finds her necklace, but Archie "forgets" to do one thing.]
 
15. "Archie in the Hospital" - Jan 6, 1973: rlb1.JPG <--- Rosco Lee Browne as Mr. Duval (his 2nd character in the series)
 
Written by Stanley Ralph Ross (2) and Martin Cohan
[Notes: Archie is in the hospital complaining of low back pain, and becomes friends with his French-accented roommate (who is separated by a divider).]
 
16. "Oh Say Can You See" - Jan 20, 1973: ls2.JPG <--- Larry Storch
 
Written by - Story: Jess Oppenheimer (as Joe Kerr), Teleplay: Michael Ross (14) and Bernie West (14)
[Notes: Archie is extremely insecure by his youthful high-school friend Bill Mulheron (Larry Storch), until he finds out that the beautiful woman he's with is a prostitute.]
 
17. "Archie Goes Too Far" - Jan 27, 1973: archie-edith.jpg <--- Edith insists on Archie saying he's sorry.
 
Written by Austin Kalish (2) and Irma Kalish (2)
[Notes: Archie goes too far in invading Mike's privacy, and even Edith thinkz so, refusing to forgive, of have a conversation with, Archie unless he apologizes to the people he injured.]
 
18. "Class Reunion" - Feb 10, 1973: 297074-1370536496-0.jpg <--- Edith at her finest, kindest self, seeing nothing but beauty in Buck Evans.
 
Written by - Story: Stanley Ralph Ross (3) and Don Nicholl (14), Teleplay: Don Nicholl
[Notes: Edith is excited to see heartthrob Buck Evans (Bernie Kuby), and Archie is clearly jealous - until he sees what Buck has turned into over the years (he married a gourmet cook).]
 
19. "Hot Watch" - Feb 17, 1973: 9b29e89165830f305fd39dcd58a38270.jpg <--- Wait a minute ... this watch is supposed to tick.

Written by Sam Locke (2) and Olga Vallance (2)

[Notes: Archie buys a "discount" $300 watch for $25, much to the consternation of Mike who knows full well what happened, but then Archie ultimately gets what he paid for.]

20. "Archie is Branded"- Feb 24, 1973: screen-shot-2014-07-26-at-10-34-44-am.pn <--- DON'T RESEARCH THIS EPISODE BEFORE WATCHING IT.

Written by Vincent Bogert

[Notes: Through the 20th All In The Family episode in the 3rd season, this is, without question, the single greatest. One of the very best, strongest, most memorable things you will ever see on TV.]

21. "Everybody Tells The Truth" - Mar 3, 1973: c6cyb_tne.jpg <--- Bob (Ken Lynch) and Jack (Ron Glass) as "the evil repairmen" (1 of 3 versions)

Written by Don Nicholl (15)

[Notes: As so often happens, a truly great episode is followed by a lesser one: Three different versions of a repairmen incident are told, side-by-side-by-side. This is clearly intended to be over-the-top, and is.]

22. "Archie Learns His Lesson" - Mar 10, 1973: hqdefault.jpg <--- Archie and Mike at the study table.

Written by - Story: John Christopher Strong III and Michael R. Stein, Teleplay: Michael Ross (15) and Bernie West (15)

[Notes: Archie furtively studies to get his high-school GED, embarrassed to let Michael and Gloria know what he's doing in order to get a promotion. A touching premise that has everyone pulling for Archie.]

23. "Gloria The Victim" - Mar 17, 1973: 5639.jpg <-- Charles Durning plays the harsh, realistic detective in this sobering episode.

Written by Austin Kalish (3), Irma Kalish (3), and Don Nicholl (16)

[Notes: Gloria is the victim of an attempted rape, and the police investigator gives her (and everyone else) a very harsh dose of reality in terms of what to expect in court.]

24. "The Battle Of The Month" - Mar 24, 1973: hqdefault.jpg

Written by Michael Ross (16) and Bernie West (16)

[Notes: Edith's famous "maple syrup" episode, in which she refuses to allow Gloria to paint her as a victim, as an object of male chauvinism, and as a sufferer of emotional abuse.]

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Season Three - Season Three Directed by John Rich (56) and Bob LaHendro (16) Except Where Noted

20. "Archie is Branded"- Feb 24, 1973: screen-shot-2014-07-26-at-10-34-44-am.pn <--- DON'T RESEARCH THIS EPISODE BEFORE WATCHING IT.

Written by Vincent Bogert

[Notes: Through the 20th All In The Family episode in the 3rd season, this is, without question, the single greatest. One of the very best, strongest, most memorable things you will ever see on TV.]

Any discussion (without spoilers, please, or with spoilers *** CLEARLY MARKED *** about one of the single greatest episodes in all of television history? I would suggest, if you're going to watch ---> SPOILERS "Archie is Branded," SPOILERS <--- which I've now watched about five times, certain parts more like twenty times, that you watch as many *other* episodes as you can, especially early episodes, to lay the groundwork for fully appreciating this masterpiece of television - one of the singularly great pieces of drama I have ever come across.

I have yet to find a good version of this, anywhere, that isn't 1) cropped 2) sped up (YouTube episodes shorter than 25 minutes are sped up) 3) clipped (and that includes Crackle, which you shouldn't watch), and/or 4) of low quality. Get it on DVD if you can.

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Season Three - Season Three Directed by John Rich (56) and Bob LaHendro (16) Except Where Noted

1. "Archie and the Editorial" - Sep 16, 1972: hqdefault.jpg <--- Archie airing his views on gun control on TV

Directed by Norman Campbell

Written by - Story: George Bloom, Teleplay: George Bloom and Don Nicholl (9)

[Notes: Archie, livid at a liberal TV-station owner's views on gun control, goes on to rebut the editorial, then turns out to be the surprise victim of his own beliefs.]

When fiction becomes truth: Start at 33:05 in this episode, and watch until 34:30.

I'm trying not to get political, but NRA's response to Sandy Hook ...

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15. "Edith's Problem" - Jan 8, 1972: screen-shot-2014-07-19-at-12-52-09-pm.pn <--- Edith subject to hormones

Written by - Story: Burt Styler (4) and Steve Zacharias, Teleplay: Burt Styler

[Notes: Edit is visited by menopause, and Hell's fury kicks in to everyone's surprise. Archie tries to be kind and patient, but ultimately the real man shines through, which oddly reassures Edith.]

I have fond memories of watching the menopause episode online at a hotel in suburban St. Louis, first with my mom, and again with her and my sister, and all of us laughing hysterically.

"Edith's Problem" is one of the only episodes in which Edith completely loses her cool. Jean Stapleton was really strong in this (you can see how strongly she played this role in the picture), and when she snapped back at Archie and told *him* to "Stifle!" it made the viewer either laugh out loud, or fall into stunned silence.

Archie: "Edith, if you're going to have the change of life, you've got to do it right now! I'm giving you just 30 seconds! Now come on! Change!"

I suspect this was the first sit-com to ever tackle the issue; I wonder what the first-ever television program was that mentioned it.

By the way, the only two episodes in the entire series that Steve Zacharias wrote were the only two (at least through Season 4, Episode 5) in which Edith got really ticked off, and I mean, *really* ticked off: this one ("Edith's Problem"), and "Archie The Gambler." It's interesting that Zacharias chose to portray Edith as a woman with anger, no, let's make that "fury," as one of her traits, rather than just as a smiling dingbat. These two episodes clearly stand out from others through the S4 E5 point in the series (there may be more in future shows, but I haven't gotten there yet).

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Season Four - Season Four Directed by John Rich (80) and Bob LaHendro (32) Except Where Noted

1. "We're Having A Heat Wave" - Sep 15, 1973: ss41.JPG <--- Sweltering, no A/C, and cranky

Written by Don Nicholl (17)

[Notes: There's an incessant heat wave in Queens, and Archie is relieved when the non-Puerto Rican Lorenzos (Frank Lorenzo is Vincent Gardenia's 3rd role in this series) might move into the neighborhood.]

 

2. "We're Still Having a Heat Wave" - Sep 22, 1973: hqdefault.jpg <--- Frank cooks the Bunkers a nice, cold Vichyssoise for dinner.

Written by Michael Ross (17) and Bernie West (17)

[Notes: The heat wave presses on, and Archie becomes more irritated at this odd Catholic couple, consisting of the cook, Frank (Vincent Gardenia), and his handyman wife, Irene (Betty Garrett).]

3. "Edith Finds an Old Man" - Sep 29, 1973: hqdefault.jpg <--- "At *my* age ...." became Mr. Quigley's signature line.

Written by Don Nicholl (18)

[Notes: Edith finds Justin Quigley (Bert Mustin, born in 1884!), who escaped from a retirement home, and brings him home with her. He dances the Turkey Trot, and is eventually picked up by his friend, Joe.]

4. "Archie and the Kiss" - Oct 6, 1973: 5644.jpg <--- Archie makes amends to Gloria by buying her a lovely statue to compensate for the removal of Rodin's "The Kiss."

Written by John Rappaport

[Notes: Irene gives Gloria Rodin's "The Kiss" which Archie finds pornographic. Forcing Frank to take it back, Archie receives the silent treatment from Gloria as payback.]

5. "Archie The Gambler" - Oct 13, 1973: hqdefault.jpg <--- Edith gets the news over the phone that Archie is betting on the horses.

Written by - Story: Steve Zacharias (2) and Michael LeesonTeleplay: Michael Ross (18) and Bernie West (18)

[Notes: Edith is divorce-level furious when she finds Archie is betting on the horse races, after he promised her twenty years ago that he'd never gamble on anything again.] 

6. Henry's Farewell - Oct 20, 1973: hqdefault.jpg <--- The final time we see Henry Jefferson (and the first episode we see George).

Written by - Don Nicholl (19), Original story by - Johnny Speight (from "Till Death Do Us Part")

[Notes: Henry Jefferson is moving to start his own dry-cleaning business. We meet his brother George for the first time at a party, where he gives a touching farewell toast to Henry.]

7. "Archie and the Computer" - Oct 27, 1973: hqdefault.jpg <--- Archie, dressed to go down to the VA, to tell them he's not dead

Written by - Lloyd Turner, Don Nicholl (20), and Gordon Mitchell

[Notes: A computer glitch sends Edith 25 cents every single day; when she tries to correct it, she gets more-and-more (to Archie's delight). Finally, another computer declares Archie being dead.]

8. "The Games Bunkers Play" - Nov 3, 1973: 5648.jpg <--- Mike, beginning to lose his cool.

Written by - Story: Susan Perkis HavenDan KleinMichael Ross (19), and Bernie West (19), Teleplay: Michael Ross and Bernie West

[Notes: Archie is roped into playing a board game called "Group Therapy," but it's Mike who ends up getting the short end of the stick, getting truly angry in the process.]

9. "Edith's Conversion" - Nov 10, 1973: 0.jpg <--- Archie, not mincing words with Father Majeski.

Written by Ray Taylor

[Notes: Edith is starting to attend Catholic service with Irene (just to learn), and Archie becomes worried that she's going to convert - he then goes down to express his concerns to Father Majeski.] 

10. "Archie in the Cellar" - Nov 17, 1973: hqdefault.jpg <--- Archie writing a note to slip through the door, asking for help.

Written by Don Nicholl (21)

[Notes: One of the doubled-over-funniest episodes, Archie gets locked in his basement over the weekend, and has something of a "religious conversion." An absolute must-watch episode!

11. "Black is the Color of my True Love's Wig" - No 24, 1973: mVbLcGVtwZDotSJIk7DfHVx6NMz.jpg <--- The unwilling object of Mike's deepest, darkest desires.

Written by Michael Morris

[Notes: Gloria buys a short, black wig that turns Michael turgid. She gets jealous, and accuses him of "cheating on her without really cheating on her," and mayhem ensues.]

12. "Second Honeymoon" - Dec 1, 1973: 5652.jpg <--- "The Seductress"

Written by - Story: Warren S. Murray (2), Teleplay: Warren S. Murray, Michael Ross (20), and Bernie West (20)

[Notes: Edith adamantly insists that Archie forego a Mets game to take her to Atlantic City for their 25th Wedding Anniversary. One of the best episodes of the series thus-far, and a must-see.]

13. "The Taxi Caper" - Dec 8, 1973: 5653.jpg <--- Al Stellone (standing) plays the Serpico-influenced Sergeant Chuck Blair.

Written by Dennis Klein

[Notes: Archie is robbed of $50 while moonlighting driving Munson's cab, gets greedy by negotiating with a corrupt attorney representing a politician's son, and pays the price for his greed.]

14. "Archie is Cursed" - Dec 15, 1973: All-in-the-Family-Archie-is-Cursed-2.png <--- This episode aired just weeks after the Bobby Riggs - Billie Jean King match.

Written by John Rappaport (2), Michael Ross (21), and Bernie West (21)

[Notes: Archie's boast about male superiority is met by Irene's challenge to a game of pool. Meanwhile, Frank puts a Sicilian "curse" on Archie, and Archie feigns a bad back to avoid losing.]

15. "Edith's Christmas Story" - Dec 22, 1973: edithgloria.jpg <--- Gloria doesn't understand what's bothering her mom (yet).

Written by - Story: Austin Kalish (4) and Irma Kalish (4), Teleplay: Austin Kalish, Irma Kalish, and Don Nicholl (22)

Directed by John Rich

[Notes: Edith's normally ebullient Christmas spirit is stifled when she finds a lump on her breast. Irene reveal a deeply personal secret to Edith that makes her feel much better.]

16. "Mike and Gloria Mix it Up" - Jan 5, 1974: hqdefault.jpg <--- Mike and Gloria don't know how to fight, but they're trying to learn.

Written by Michael Ross (22) and Bernie West (22)

Directed by John Rich

[Notes: Mainly a "Mike and Gloria" episode, Mike is agitated that Gloria has become the marital aggressor of late. They fight until both of them lie to each other, making each other jealous.]

17. "Archie Feels Left Out" - Jan 12, 1974: hqdefault.jpg <--- Archie drowns his sorrows at Kelsey's Bar

Written by Paul LichtmanHoward Storm, and Don Nicholl (23)

[Notes: Archie gets a surprise 50th birthday party, and is terribly upset because he thought he was turning 49 - he ends up at Kelsey's Bar, where Mr. Quigley comes to comfort him.]

18. "Et Tu, Archie?" - Jan 26, 1974: vt2.jpg <--- Vic is down on his luck, but Archie steps in.

Written by Mickey Rose and Lila Garrett

[Notes: Archie tries to help out his super-talented, but unemployed friend, Joe Tucker (Vic Tayback), and ends up helping him out more than he may actually want to.]

19. "Gloria's Boyfriend" - Feb 2, 1974: hqdefault.jpg <--- George (Richard Masur) has a huge crush on Gloria.

Written by Bud Wiser and Don Nicholl (24)

Directed by John Rich

[Notes: George, an impaired stockboy at Ferguson's Market, accidentally gets fired through Archie's actions, but gets another job instead, to Archie's surprise.]

20. "Lionel's Engagement" - Feb 9, 1974: hqdefault.jpg <--- George's reaction when he finds out about Jenny's family.

Written by Michael Ross (23) and Bernie West (23)

Directed by John Rich

[Notes: The Bunkers are invited to Lionel's engagement party to Jenny Willis (Lynne Moody), who is half-white. Archie revels with glee that this upsets George Jefferson so much.]

21. "Archie Eats and Runs" - Feb 16, 1974: hqdefault.jpg <--- Archie pleading his case to get admitted into the hospital.

Written by Paul Wayne (2) and George Burditt

Directed by John Rich

[Notes: Archie might have eaten some tainted mushrooms, and ultimately goes to the hospital convinced that he's one foot in the grave, and is forced to endure a painful shot.]

22. "Gloria Sings the Blues" - Mar 2, 1974: 0.jpg <--- The simple wisdom of dear, sweet Edith

Written by Michael Ross (24) and Bernie West (24)

Directed by John Rich

[Notes: Gloria falls into the doldrums, worried sick that she has fallen out of love with Mike. Edith steps in and saves the day, in one of her great "simple wisdom" moments.]

23. "Pay the Twenty Dollars" - Mar 9, 1974: 0.jpg <--- George and Archie haggle over a counterfeit $20 bill

Written by Robert L. Goodwin and Woody Kling

Directed by John Rich

[Notes: Archie accidentally pays George Jefferson with a counterfeit $20 bill. George demands repayment, and typical All In The Family shenanigans plays out during the episode.]

24. "Mike's Graduation" - Mar 16, 1974: hqdefault.jpg <--- Gloria soothes Mike, who is worried sick about his grades.

Written by Don Nicholl (25)

Directed by John Rich

[Notes: Mike is terrified about waiting for his final grades, and nobody is happier than Archie when he graduates (because he gets to move out!). But, something else happens ....]

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Two episodes emerged as "must-sees" in Season Four (see the post above this one), even for people not marathon-watching All In The Family:

#10, "Archie in the Cellar," and #12, "Second Honeymoon."

But I reiterate: Season 3, Episode 20, "Archie is Branded," is *the* episode of the entire series (and I'm now well into Season 6). Do yourself a favor, and watch it.

You can find them on YouTube, but make sure they're fully displayed - some of the ones there are too centered, to the point where you can't see the periphery. Choose wisely on YouTube.

Both of these episodes you'll really like if you know a little bit about All In The Family. You don't have to know a lot, but you have to know *something*, e.g., Archie is a bigot.

Speaking of which, this little PSA (I believe the only one Carroll O'Connor ever did in character) is 30-seconds long, and it's really wonderful:

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I know I'm behind in posting my season updates (I'm almost finished with Season 5), but these two guest stars are just unbelievable:

Season 6, Episode 16, "New Year's Wedding" - Billy Crystal in one if his very, very first TV roles

Season 7, Episode 4, "The Unemployment Story, Part 1" - F. Murray Abraham in his first TV role

Read these two again - these are both pretty awesome stars to catch on the rise, and unknowingly stumbling across them ("Oh my God! Is that ... ?") is just so interesting.

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One thing I've never cared for on TV shows is the "unexplained substitution." You know what I'm talking about - some which leap to mind are the show "The Mothers-In-Law" where one of the Fathers-In-Law, Roger Buell, was first played by Roger C. Carmel, then inexplicably replaced by Richard Deacon.

This happens (or used to happen) innumerable times, often when someone died (in real life) or had a contract dispute, and generally without explanation.

With "All in the Family", it happens a couple of times, most annoyingly with Tommy Kelcy of Kelcy's Bar - first, it was Bob Hastings, but then, in Season 8 (pretty late in the game), Frank Maxwell assumes the role.

Well, I don't like it, and this could easily be split into its own thread if anyone cared enough to do a bit of research. It would make for a fascinating thread, going through and exposing all the shows, characters, actors, and reasons behind the substitutions.

There have been *so many*, and they're always hard to deal with. I don't understand why they can't kill characters off, and explain the replacements (who would, of course, have a brand new name since they're different people). Makes perfect sense, does it not?

"All in the Family" also has the opposite problem of Vincent Gardenia playing *three* yes, three, separate, unrelated roles on the show. After his final appearance (as Frank Lorenzo), he just doesn't show up anymore, and his wife Irene is all alone - without any explanation, she starts mysteriously palling around with ... get this ... *Stretch Cunningham* (WTF?!) But then, Irene disappears, too! With no reason given! What the hell? And to top it all off, Stretch drops dead, and we find out at his funeral that he was Jewish. This is unacceptable.

I read once where a TV critic said Norman Lear was a "showman" and not a "genius" - I'm in that camp. I see precious little genius, and a ton of showmanship from Lear. I'm sorry, but despite the success (and arguably the greatness) of "All in the Family," Lear comes across to me as an impresario who knows how to give the audience what they want - someone I would put on a parallel with Neil Simon (being compared to Neil Simon is no insult, but Dostoyevsky they ain't). Carroll O'Connor was the genius, and Jean Stapleton wasn't far behind - the true talent of Stapleton emerged in later seasons.

I would value others' opinions on this - please read this carefully, think about it, and reply thoughtfully. I really want to hear what you all think.

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This website deserves its own thread, but for now I'll put it here because "All In The Family" has so many lines by Archie that are incomprehensible that it drives the viewer to the native script.

It's an odd website name to be sure, but it has every single line of dialog in every "All In The Family" episode, and (although I haven't plumbed the depths of it), I think it might go a lot deeper than just this.

If you ever come across a line in "All In The Family" that you simply don't understand, click on this link, and you can find it within seconds.

And once again, here's the Wikipedia list of every single episode.

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On 5/7/2015 at 7:58 AM, DonRocks said:

Season One - Season Directed by John Rich (13)

1. "Meet The Bunkers" - Jan 12, 1971: Screenshot 2015-09-12 at 11.42.30.png <--- "Gloria, you married the laziest white man I ever seen."

Written by Norman Lear

[Notes: Gloria (Sally Struthers) and Mike (Rob Reiner) throw Archie (Carroll O'Connor) and Edith (Jean Stapleton) a 22nd-aniversary party.]

I just rewatched "Meet The Bunkers," and ugh, I now realize that I'll never be able to rewrite all the TV episodes I've powered through in a standardized format, so we're stuck with an ugly series of threads.

The only other person in this episode (other than the four principals) was Mike Evans (Lionel Jefferson). It's a very coarsely acted episode, even by All In The Family standards, and you could tell the cast hadn't become comfortable with their roles yet. 

I'm almost tempted to go back and list the racial epithets used - it would be a pretty shocking set of over a dozen words, including coon, spade, yid, dago, and several others - pretty racy stuff for 1971 TV; this is in direct contrast to the opening theme song "Those Were The Days" with Archie and Edith sitting down at the piano, which led the viewers to think they were about to watch "yet another" corny family-oriented sit-com - they very quickly got a dose of anything but.

Trivia: The first character shown in the series is Gloria, and the first word mentioned in the series is also "Gloria" (by Mike, who walked into the room).

I'd love to have detailed discussions of all the TV series I've watched in recent years, down to the episode and character level, but I'm not sure if anyone else has ever seen them - anyway, please feel free: I'd love to analyze things at a minutiae-oriented level.

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