Arlington Magazine

[dcs]

There is a profile of some guy named Don Rockwell starting on page 67 of the May/June 2016 edition of Arlington Magazine.  What's up with that?

[dracisk]

Not online yet I assume? I looked briefly and didn't see it (also assume you would have included a link if it was online).

[dcs]

Not online yet I assume? I looked briefly and didn't see it (also assume you would have included a link if it was online).

They make you wait for the next issue to come out before putting all the stories online. This was not one of the two they chose to put up early. I guess they want people to buy the magazine. Go figure.

[dracisk]

That does sound like a pretty good strategy on their part.

[DonRocks]

Folks, I have a decision to make:

Tomorrow (Friday) is our 11th anniversary.

About a year ago, Jessica Strelitz - someone whom I knew only by reputation, and whom I now consider to be a friend - approached me, and asked to do an article about me and the website. I was extremely reluctant, pointing out that Kelly DiNardo and The Washington Post had written a hit piece about me, trying to ruin my reputation - if it weren't for some last-day "dealings" (that is a euphemism if ever there was one), there would have been some horrible things written about me - things which I didn't find out about until *one day before deadline* - the entire piece was a set-up - a ruse - and made me look terrible; it would have made me look a lot *more* terrible had I not stood up for myself against Joe Yonan.

Jessica showed great empathy, and won over my trust. Here was an intelligent, confident person who was going to write a fair and balanced piece about me and the website - a website which I built from the ground-up, and a website I monitor for over 100 hours a week. I told Jessica I didn't want a "puff piece" because I was confident enough in the product and the community for it to speak for itself, and I put no restrictions on what she could write, with obvious exceptions such as protecting our members' privacy.

There is something in my life that I have been trying to conceal from people for many years - I hinted at it here, and consider that to be one of the most important pieces I've ever written. This was six years ago, and since 2009, I have been hiding an injury from everyone so devastating that I cannot hide it any longer. I've had about 25 surgical procedures, 8 of which would be considered "major surgeries" by any doctor in the world. I told Jessica all about this, hoping to God I might finally get some help from some capable and competent physicians who might see the article - it was my last, best chance to get the help I needed so desperately. I trusted Jessica completely.

Yesterday, I got a copy of the magazine in my mailbox. I saw the cover, which said on it, "Tales of a Pseudo-Critic," and knew right away there was going to be trouble. I opened the magazine, looked at both pictures in the article to make sure the magazine concealed me as promised (they did). Then, I read the very first paragraph of the piece, which was two-sentences long ... and incorrect. Then I read the first sentence of the second paragraph, which was misleading, if not entirely wrong - three sentences into the piece, I feared this would not be the article that I desperately hoped it would be - the article that I desperately *needed* it to be. This time, there would be no "sabotage" or "set-up"; it would simply be an article riddled with inaccuracies, factual errors, and incorrect opinions. Then, by the middle of the third paragraph, I knew that this article wasn't going to paint even a remotely accurate picture of either me or the website, so I quickly turned to the end to see how long it was, turned back, skimmed it for about one minute, and tossed the magazine aside. What should have been the focal point of the entire article was a mere afterthought in the final paragraph. I had wasted an entire year of my life, banking on Jessica to come through with a fair article that explains everything about my situation, and it didn't happen.

Now, I am left not knowing what to do. It is, I believe, a given that I *should* write a rebuttal, but not just a partial rebuttal; a full-on, paragraph-by-paragraph, perhaps even sentence-by-sentence rewrite explaining why the article's contents are incorrect. But where do I find the time or the energy to do this? The article will come online in a few weeks, and the comments will justifiably ravage me.

A pseudo-critic. I understand that she didn't write that, but the overall tenure of the article was responsible for that being on the cover, and that's what people are going to remember. I have to decide whether or not it's worth it to fight to defend my reputation that I have worked so long and hard to cultivate, or simply to let it go entirely; right now, I don't think I have the energy to fight.

Last night, Jessica wrote me, asking me if I'd seen the article, and what I thought about it. I'm quite certain that Jessica honestly believes she wrote a fair and balanced presentation of who she thinks I am, and what she thinks this community is, so there are no hard feelings. What I didn't realize over the past year is that, despite what I was nearly certain of that I was *over*doing, I was actually *under*doing. My response to her is as follows:

---

I checked the pictures, read a couple paragraphs, and skimmed the rest. I know you think you painted an accurate picture of things in your mind, but I've set the magazine down for awhile. I'd be insulting you if I was anything less than honest: My initial impression is that this is a very harmful article. I knew there was going to be trouble when the cover called me a "pseudo critic." I spend over 100 hours a week at this, I've possibly been to more DC-area restaurants than anyone who has ever lived (and not by a little), our DC Dining Guide contains well over 3,000 area restaurants - each ranked within neighborhood - and I think I'm made to look incredibly mediocre, and not the best person, either - that will show up in the comments section. I'm trying not to think of it, because it's been bothering me, but I may have to rebut some facts, but it would ONLY be the words themselves; nothing about you. I consider you a friend.

 

Like I said, no matter what you write, we're still friends, and I meant it.

 

I also said if I get screwed, I'll find a way to forgive you, and I'll also never trust anyone again, and that's kind of where I am right now.

 

You asked! :-)

 

Peace,

Don

 

----

 

I have company coming into town tonight, I've had four hours of sleep, I am exhausted, I am injured more severely than you could possibly imagine - something that I have been concealing from you for seven years, my reputation has been all-but destroyed, because I built this community from scratch, have received almost *no* publicity from my "competitors," and the chance to explain *why* I haven't grown this community as I had hoped was the only reason I agreed to do the article in the first place - none of it is in there, and so in people's minds, I will forever be a "pseudo-critic" - a loser.

 

None of this is my fault, that much I know. The only thing I've done wrong is place too much trust in others - now, I need to decide if I want to keep going, or let it go. I have sacrificed the last eleven years of my life, trying to help others, and working to become the most competent restaurant critic that anyone could ever possibly be; I don't think I have anything left to give if this is the result of that sacrifice.

[Bart]

Don -
    I'm sure it's not as bad as you think, being as close as you are to the subject(!), and the rest of us will probably think it's fine as is.  My advice (is probably completely worthless since I haven't read it yet) would be to not to rebut it, and just keep doing what you're doing.  Famous people get misinterpreted, misquoted and downright lied about all the time and they just blow it all off and keep on with their lives.   It's not worth the mental energy or heartburn.
 
Part of the reason I'm responding here in this thread is to 1) say thank you for everything you do here, 2) cheer you up/cheer you on, and 3) mostly to highlight this quote from the now locked "Restaurant Poll #5 Thread":

<<<< Quote: DonRocks: Sorry, I had to take a day off - I've got so much to do, and writing reviews saps my energy - I've got several to write at this point, and I don't want to fall too far behind. >>>>>

This nearly blew me away.  My energy has been sapped at just trying to keep up with all the nominations, polls, votes, and reading the damn reviews!!  I can't imagine running all the back end stuff, then going out to all these places and then posting all these reviews.   I'm a simple observer and I'm worn out!   So don't worry about taking a day or two (at most!!!) off, some of us could use a breather!

[lion]

Don, you do a great service to the culinary community of Washington DC, but there is nothing more important than taking care of your health.

[farmer john]

I agree with Bart and lion. Ignore it and it will go away eventually. I have never dealt with the third estate and had things come out fully as I expected them regardless of how well-intentioned the writer was. Take care of yourself first and foremost. Those who actually know what you do appreciate what you do.

[DonRocks]

Don, you do a great service to the culinary community of Washington DC, but there is nothing more important than taking care of your health.

Nobody knows what my diagnosis is.

I tried to get a domain "WhatTheHellIsWrongWithMe.com" a few years ago, hoping somebody in the world might see it and give me some ideas, but it was taken. I would take me several *hundred* hours to type in my full medical history since 2009 at this point.

Three years ago, I wrote this thread. I tried, and tried to find someone, but nobody responded. NOTE: THE OFFER STILL STANDS.

Here is one of the myriad of emails I sent in my communications for this article (I had opened up almost completely out of desperation, and thought beyond any reasonable doubt that my injury was so clearly disastrous (I had originally typed "catastrophic," but that means "ending badly," and I don't want to go there just yet) that it would be a major focal point of the piece - it would *have* to be for the article to have any meaningful context whatsoever; I wish I had known it wasn't going to be, because I don't think I would have agreed to be interviewed (it was a year ago, and my memory is hazy). That said, I'm quite certain that I was promised nothing; I had merely made several incorrect assumptions. Maybe the fact that I had *no idea* what the article would contain (other than ten dishes in the Arlington area I recommend (and that was *before* Takumi, so I apologize, Jay), means that the author did her job correctly. It also means that nobody will ever interview me again unless I have some control over the article. People can write whatever they want - I can't stop people from writing about me - but nobody will ever have my cooperation again unless they work *with me directly* so the facts do not get distorted, and so no personal agenda gets interjected into the piece by someone who barely even knows me. Desperation can lead you to take chances you wouldn't normally take, and to do some really stupid things in the process.) The email:

---

You have NO idea how close to home this hits

 

http://www.sportsonearth.com/article/69647386/bill-walton-back-pain-ucla-portland-trail-blazers-boston-celtics

 

---

 

I even went so far as to write Bill Walton (I figured it was Walton 37, Rockwell 25), and yes, I am in touch with his doctors.

 

Six out of six orthopedic surgeons told me my hips were worn out from decades of over-exercise; they were all wrong. Well, they weren't wrong, but that's not was causing me my pain despite all six opinions to the contrary.

 

I again submit this allegory for your reading pleasure. 

[Bart]

Have you tried yoga?

Forgive me if that's frightening simplistic and totally misses the true nature of your issue, but years ago I took a 10 or 15 week yoga course from Fairfax County (much more than just your typical sessions at the gym) and the instructor had all sorts of stories of people with incurable neck, back, joint, etc problems who found tremendous relief if not a cure from doing yoga.  Admittedly, this is about as anecdotal as it gets from a biased source, but his basic message was by regular stretching and working the joints, and building muscle, you can prevent or cure a lot of the chronic incurable ailments that lots of people have.

It won't happen over night, and it might not happen at all, but who knows what you'll feel like a year from now if you did a half hour of yoga everyday.

Again, apologies if this is idiotically simplistic.

[Simul Parikh]

Same defense as above, like I might be saying something you have tried, but I think the best diagnosticians in the world are at Mayo Clinic Rochester. They have these executive, intensive work ups for mysterious illnesses. No one thought anything of JFKs "tan" until Mayo figured out he had Addidon's

[DonRocks]

Have you tried yoga?

Forgive me if that's frightening simplistic and totally misses the true nature of your issue, but years ago I took a 10 or 15 week yoga course from Fairfax County (much more than just your typical sessions at the gym) and the instructor had all sorts of stories of people with incurable neck, back, joint, etc problems who found tremendous relief if not a cure from doing yoga.  Admittedly, this is about as anecdotal as it gets from a biased source, but his basic message was by regular stretching and working the joints, and building muscle, you can prevent or cure a lot of the chronic incurable ailments that lots of people have.

It won't happen over night, and it might not happen at all, but who knows what you'll feel like a year from now if you did a half hour of yoga everyday.

Again, apologies if this is idiotically simplistic.

Not "official" yoga, but yes, yoga-like things, which I will continue doing for the rest of my life. All it takes to cause nerve compression is millimeters. My advice to *every* young athlete is to stretch, stretch, stretch; not just the muscles, but the joints as well. I believe that my condition is caused mostly by chronic muscle tightness on top of a slight congenital malformation - over the decades, it snowballed into something horrible. I was an *idiot* for not stretching more when I was in my 20's. I grew up having a "no pain, no gain" mentality, and that is a very harmful way of thinking - certain types of pain can be worked through, but injury? No.

Same defense as above, like I might be saying something you have tried, but I think the best diagnosticians in the world are at Mayo Clinic Rochester. They have these executive, intensive work ups for mysterious illnesses. No one thought anything of JFKs "tan" until Mayo figured out he had Addidon's

I've tried to get into Mayo twice, the first time didn't work because they felt the work-up would be redundant; this time there's a communication problem that I need to tend to. I am fully prepared to go there for as long as they want me to. I spent the entire month of Apr, 2014 in LA being worked up at Cedars-Sinai and UCLA - it's the last time I was pain-free, but it only lasted for about 4 hours. I no longer have any memory of what it's like not to be in pain. There have been 2-3 times in the past 7 years when an injection worked - totally, completely - for about 4 hours, but that's about it.

Well, at least you all know why I started the Fine Arts Forum!

Anyway, I haven't wanted to bother people with my personal problems, but I'm *sick* of living like a hermit and being ashamed of what I've turned into - I know that it's not my fault. People think I'm stand-offish and aloof, but it's only because they don't know what has been going on with me.

[ktmoomau]

Don,

I have clients who see and hear other people's thoughts about them all the time, and even things that aren't so bad, client's really dwell on and angst over. No one ever writes about me, but I am sure I would feel the same way!!!  I haven't read the article yet, but I would say, take a deep breath, put the magazine down and go enjoy the lovely weekend we are going to have, call your son- tell him you love him and just try to relax.  This too shall pass- we will likely get some new members out of it on the bright side.

[reedm]

The article is now on line: http://www.arlingtonmagazine.com/May-June-2016/Getting-to-Know-Don-Rockwell/

Although I've never been the subject of a magazine article, (and hopefully never will), I think it's a good piece. Of course, I don't personally know you, but I understand your comments about accuracy, or lack thereof, regarding some of the facts mentioned in the story. 

I'm a regular reader, and I think the piece presents a fairly good representation of your website. As mentioned upthread, perhaps the article will attract more contributors. Undoubtedly, more will be able to see your updated site. 

Finally, I'm very sorry about your chronic pain, and pray you find relief soon. 

[Simul Parikh]

I thought it was really great! Seriously. I must be missing something in its reading that bothered you so much, but I thought it painted a great picture of you, and it made me like you more. Unlike the goddamn disaster of a number that The Post did with me. 

[DonRocks]

I just needed to cool down for a day or two - Jessica and I are on fine terms:

https://www.facebook.com/jstrelitz/posts/10154283142476383

It's just that I had hoped for the primary emphasis of the piece to be my injury, and for it to explain why I haven't gotten more done here. I don't think I've gotten through to people just how painful and disabling this injury has been - it has altered the course of my life.

Note to young athletes: STRETCH EVERY DAY, GIVE YOUR BODY SOME REST, and DON'T ASSUME YOU'RE INVINCIBLE. Take it from someone who learned the hard way, and is paying one hell of a price for it.

[Sundae in the Park]

Ah, I can see how, if you wanted it to emphasize your injury, the's last-paragraph insta-wrap up/mention would be less than satisfactory. I thought, however, it was a neat piece, if somewhat shorter than I'd imagined. There's lots of short detail bombs that just beg follow-up, instead of ending paragraphs, if this is to be character piece. On the other hand, it can't be infinitely long, so these details just make you more interesting. If I were a reader just being introduced to DonRockwell, I'd want to search out the site and find out what it is all about! I actually liked the "quasi-critic" line (though I'm glad it's not in the title of the online article); even if it's not an accurate quote from you, it's presenting you favorably compared with Yelp (which she does again earlier in the piece). Since that the food review site with which most readers would be immediately familiar, I think that's great! I hope it drives lots of traffic to the site!!

I'm so sorry to hear about your pain, and hope an answer and solution is just around the corner. Especially considering, it's amazing how much you do for all of us!! Thank you!!!

[lion]

Seems like a fairly innocuous piece however I can see how you would have preferred the piece to focus on your health issues and your quality of life. 

 

[DonRocks]

If there are any orthopedic surgeons or neurologists out there: Why haven't I had a study performed of my sacral spine? How rare are osteophytes or stenosis at the foramina there? This is the only thing left on me that hasn't been looked at (coccyx also, but that can't possibly be wreaking this much havoc), and a diagnostic injection at the right SI joint did nothing, so that's probably ruled out - I want to examine the sacrum itself. You can talk to me in medical terms - believe me, I've spent more hours studying anatomy, orthopedics, and neurology than I have restaurants these past seven years, and am well-versed in the language. I'm going to teach myself how to read an MRI because I'm *sick* of not having a diagnosis, and nobody is helping me. I have a history of osteophytes, and unless I have some rare disease, very little else could explain my symptoms. My lumbar studies always mention L5 S1, but never any lower than that.

Someone please help me - I'm desperate.