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"The Picky Eater Files," by Annie Groer


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The Picky Eater Files

Interesting article, but pretty light on any deep insights into what makes us all tick gustatorily. I've made peace with my picky friends; we only ever go out for drinks and snacks, and from past experience they know that they might go hungry in any dining venue I choose. Ordering plate after plate of patatas bravas at Jaleo can't be a comfortable way to pass an evening, especially when other acquaintances at the table are urging you to try this or that: "But you HAVE to try the pulpo, it's delicious!!"

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Finicky eaters make me angry. Quirks and affectations in general upset me. I've just never been able to stand people who insist on things a certain way but with no logical or practical reason behind their aversion or preference.

I know someone who won't eat anything that has a name "they don't think sounds good, like guacamole."

I know someone who won't eat seafood. They don't dislike it, they just refuse to eat on. Period. No grounds for their aversion.

I need to go do something else before my blood boils over.

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Finicky eaters make me angry. Quirks and affectations in general upset me.

Wow, you must have a pretty small circle of friends! :)

Kidding, of course, but almost everybody has quirks or strong dislikes. I'm a I'll-try-anything-once kind of person, but I'm tolerant of those who aren't. It's actually the people who DO state a reason for food avoidance that piss me off because it's usually a lame front for something else. If you don't like tomatoes, fine, say so. I won't judge you (in public :) ). Don't trot out a "tomato allergy" excuse while at the same time putting ketchup on your hamburger; it happened two or three times a year when I was waiting tables. Even worse are the folks who use it to cover up eating disorders; I feel sorry for them because they need real help, but god help them if they sit down to dinner with me. Taking 5 minutes to assemble your own personal entree out of menu-listed ingredients (pissing off not only your busy waitperson but also the entire BOH) and then barely picking at it for 30 minutes when it arrives will ensure that you never sit down to dinner with me again. Even a lame, "I ate before we came", is better than wasting food and putting a black cloud over other diners' evenings.

The folks in the article seem fully aware of their quirks and neuroses and have managed to cope with them. I'd bet that the lack of adventurousness exists in other aspects of their lives. Face it: most people in this country don't like change or real excitement. Chain fast food restaurants stocked with formulaic and repeatable food have not invaded every part of this country for no reason, and reality shows do so well because most people would rather live their lives vicariously from the safe comfort of their living rooms.

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Finicky eaters make me angry. Quirks and affectations in general upset me. I've just never been able to stand people who insist on things a certain way but with no logical or practical reason behind their aversion or preference.

Ahem.

Tolerance is good for the digestion.

I myself can taste coconut at a 1 part per billion dispersion and will not eat anything containing it. Coconut milk, I can do. Go figure.

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I found the article thought-provoking. There are many different theories of causality, and they are probably all correct. The article suggests that picky-eater parents create picky-eater children. This is so obvious as to be a tautology, but it is not the only cause and it is not always the case. There's lots of emotional baggage associated with food likes and dislikes--one doesn't need to have had a parent who was a picky eater. My father was a fairly adventurous eater, but would not eat any fish other than broiled salmon, because he grew up with a mean stepmother who made pots of stew with fish heads in them, and they had to dig out the fish cheeks to eat. Salmon was too expensive and too special, so he never got to eat it when he was young. Any other fish became a powerful, emotional reminder of the past, even though he was aware that his aversion was completely irrational.

My family ate lots of different ethnic foods, spicy food, all over the map. My brother was a picky eater, while I was adventurous and would eat pretty much anything. There were only a few things my brother would eat--beef, chicken, canned corn and green onions was about it. And dessert. He took kosher salami sandwiches for lunch every day for all the years he went to elementary school, junior high and high school. My father used to make malted milkshakes with ice cream for him every night, so that he would get sufficient calories and protein. That finally changed when he was an adult and started travelling in Europe and Asia on business, often entertaining clients in restaurants.

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As someone who is borderline OCD I refuse to condemn the people in the article. A lot of that behaviour is not just "being picky." I know several people who literally gag at some food textures. The guy who doesn't let his food touch? That was me to a lesser degree until I was in my 20s, although I had no problem with stews because that food was supposed to be together.

And you might not believe it, but being unadventurous while dining does not signal a lack of adventure in other areas, at least in my experience.

Some picky eaters might be supertasters. If you can taste (or smell) the smallest degree of bitterness & decay, it takes a long time to learn to appreciate stinky cheese, or wine, or escarole.

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Quirks and affectations in general upset me.
So we all should be vanilla? :)

I generally fall into the "like to keep things seperate" camp, but I'm not obsessive about it most of the time. It's one thing if a plate is designed to have things go together, quite another when they don't. My standard operating procedure when having a diner breakfast is to prop one edge of my plate on a teaspoon so I can prevent the syrup poured over pancakes or french toast from contaminating my bacon or sausage. I like syrup. I like breakfast meat. I just don't think that the two should go together. Don't get me started on what happens if I get syrup in my eggs!

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My standard operating procedure when having a diner breakfast is to prop one edge of my plate on a teaspoon so I can prevent the syrup poured over pancakes or french toast from contaminating my bacon or sausage.
:) Why did I never think of that? I've been asking for the pancakes on a seperate plate for all these years.
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So we all should be vanilla? :)

I generally fall into the "like to keep things seperate" camp, but I'm not obsessive about it most of the time. It's one thing if a plate is designed to have things go together, quite another when they don't. My standard operating procedure when having a diner breakfast is to prop one edge of my plate on a teaspoon so I can prevent the syrup poured over pancakes or french toast from contaminating my bacon or sausage. I like syrup. I like breakfast meat. I just don't think that the two should go together. Don't get me started on what happens if I get syrup in my eggs!

Damn, that is one of my favorite diner breakfast combos!

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Alright, I'll admit it! I don't care for tripe. There, I said it. <phew>

Me, too, Mark. Regardless of whether it is in menudo or a la mode du Caen, I don't like it. Tripe and alfalfa sprouts are pretty much the only things I don't like. Oh, yeah. Smelly tofu. I'll take a pass on that after I tasted/smelled it at Bob's 66. I did try it, though.

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Damn, that is one of my favorite diner breakfast combos!
Me too. If I get only sausage, I put maple syrup on it. It's a carryover from the pancake syrup getting on the sausages when I was a child. I loved the flavor combination. I don't put syrup on bacon--and I prefer ketchup to syrup on scrapple--but getting syrup on any breakfast meat would be okay. It's the same with ketchup. I put it on scrapple and potatoes, but if it gets on my eggs, that's okay. I don't really seek to put ketchup on eggs, but it doesn't ruin them for me either.
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Wow. I thought Dame Edna was the only person who thinks coconut is inedible. He won't even tolerate coconut milk.
Personally, I say if they can't eat soup with a big ball of solidified cow's blood in the middle, let 'em go hungry. (a Korean hangover remedy but I'm not sure any hangover is THAT bad).
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I would've liked to read more on how people get this way, too. I may be limited in my understanding of OCD, but I can't help but think overly indulgent parents are responsible for this behavior. I didn't really like fish until I was 10 or so, but it was always on my plate if that's what was for dinner and I'd take a few bites. On the other hand, I have an aunt who let my cousin eat nothing but hot dogs for 15 years. Even if the kids got a special meal, like pizza, he got a hot dog.

On yet another hand, I don't have kids so what do I know. :)

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I would've liked to read more on how people get this way, too. I may be limited in my understanding of OCD, but I can't help but think overly indulgent parents are responsible for this behavior.
OCD has nothing to do with discipline.

I have two kids, raised on the same food. One is picky and the other is not. You just gotta hope that one day they will snap out of it.

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I would've liked to read more on how people get this way, too. I may be limited in my understanding of OCD, but I can't help but think overly indulgent parents are responsible for this behavior. I didn't really like fish until I was 10 or so, but it was always on my plate if that's what was for dinner and I'd take a few bites. On the other hand, I have an aunt who let my cousin eat nothing but hot dogs for 15 years. Even if the kids got a special meal, like pizza, he got a hot dog.

On yet another hand, I don't have kids so what do I know. :)

Given that last Sunday I had to threaten my two teens with a Laguiole splenectomy just to get them to eat a single bite of what I will say was a very tasty 5-spice duck with a honey-red wine reduction, and that I have have been similarly forcing cuisines of many cultures down their throats since their births to indifferent success, I am loathe to hang one more sin at the parents' doors. Sometimes people don't like stuff.

I did notice that as soon as my son started started chasing girls and hanging with a hipper crowd (that move from Catholic School to the Yuppie Academy brought with it a vastly more wordly peer group) his palate broadened dramatically. He still won't eat duck, but he's developed a craving for sushi, among other things.

Kind of how I learned to love Thai Food and Sushi so my girlfriend (now the estimable Mrs. B ) wouldn't think I was a dork.

Peer pressure and hormones: a cure for picky eating.

QUOTE(Waitman @ Sep 26 2006, 11:52 AM) *

Ahem.

I myself can taste coconut at a 1 part per billion dispersion and will not eat anything containing it. Coconut milk, I can do. Go figure.

Wow. I thought Dame Edna was the only person who thinks coconut is inedible. He won't even tolerate coconut milk.

I don't do melon, either. Watermelon, musk-melon, cantaloupe, casssab, honeydews. None of 'em.

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Peer pressure and hormones: a cure for picky eating.
A guy that I really liked loved Thai, Chinese, and sushi so I learned to like all three. :)
I don't do melon, either. Watermelon, musk-melon, cantaloupe, casssab, honeydews. None of 'em.
I am almost positive I've seen you eat melon. You hide your dislike well.
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A guy that I really liked loved Thai, Chinese, and sushi so I learned to like all three. :) I am almost positive I've seen you eat melon.

I have eaten melon as a guest in other people's homes and, once, at a restaurant/hotel in France because the waiter and owners were so delightful that I wanted to be polite.

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We had a houseguest last week who has OCD. For him, discrete foods (such as cookies, ravioli, appetizers) must be eaten in quantities of either three, five, or seven (I didn't ask about nine or up). However, he did manage to devour all four of his scallops when we had dinner at Corduroy. :)

I don't do melon, either. Watermelon, musk-melon, cantaloupe, casssab, honeydews. None of 'em.
I'm with you on the melons (although I can tolerate watermelon if it is salted).
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i must say that my food issues are relatively minor in comparison to the people in that article, but they are issues nonetheless. i too prefer that my food not touch each other, and i eat one thing on my plate at a time. based on observations in my own family (my mother's side mainly), it appears to be something inherent- that is, my mother's father, one of my mother's brothers, me and a cousin on my mothers side all eat in the same pattern without food touching one another and one thing at a time.

i do not touch the condiments- plain bagel, plain hot dog (unless its a polish with onions and peppers), plain cheeseburger (but with mayo cause it helps keep things in their place, and pickles- love pickles, but only those pickle chips, not spears); i also don't like salad dressing. . .stuff like that.

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I am a ridiculously picky eater. I consider it a character flaw and part of my charm. :)

I am actively working to change that but still have my limits. I do everything I can not to let that impact dining experiences with friends and family. There are things I don't care for but can manage to get down if I need to for social settings. There are other things I just can't do. My limits are partly taste, partly texture.

I happily make a meal out of whatever I can. I'm out in Washington for a meeting and yesterday's lunch break was a salmon barbecue. Doesn't matter that this was fresh local salmon cooked by the guy who caught it, I don't like salmon. The alternate dish for vegetarians was grilled portobellos with cheese. I don't like mushrooms and I don't like many cheeses. My lunch was the salad, roll, and fruit from the snack stash. No harm, no foul. It irritates me immensely when picky eaters make a stink about situations like that as if people are supposed to magically know your quirks. And for meetings like this I would never make my quirks known.

I've gone to dr.com dinners without knowing the menu banking that over the course of the night I will still have plenty to eat and enjoy the experience even if I don't eat every dish. I've been grateful when chefs have made accomodations but always insist on making sure it isn't a big deal for them and give them ample opportunity to say no without receiving any hard feelings.

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Umm...I might be alone here, but don't most of us (more enlightened ones at least) not enjoy "chewy meats, gritty berries, rubbery cheese or mushy tomatoes"?

As for picky eaters, whatevah. If they want to be weird, they're missing out!

I have a friend who seems to live on canned tuna, crystal light and the odd chicken breast. She also happens to be 5'11" and about 120 pounds.

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I have eaten melon as a guest in other people's homes and, once, at a restaurant/hotel in France because the waiter and owners were so delightful that I wanted to be polite.

Charles, I don't blame you. There is a tiny window during the year when melons are utterly delicious. Outside that window, screw it. BTW, tell your kid: there's duck, and then there's Peking duck. Woo hoo!! Who could hate Peking duck?

But have you had Cathal Armstrong's tripe? I'm not a big fan of tripe, but that was probably the best thing I ate last year. I ordered it because I could tell from the menu that he wanted me to.

Tripe is tripe, and I'm sure Cathal's tripe is top shelf. I just don't like the way it looks, tastes or smells. Trust me, I've worked for some great chefs and had some really weird things shoved in my mouth to taste: raw coxcombs, gooseneck barnacles, lamprey eels, duck testicles. Shall I continue? :)

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Tripe is tripe, and I'm sure Cathal's tripe is top shelf. I just don't like the way it looks, tastes or smells. Trust me, I've worked for some great chefs and had some really weird things shoved in my mouth to taste: raw coxcombs, gooseneck barnacles, lamprey eels, duck testicles. Shall I continue? :)
Oooo! What do barnacles taste like???
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Umm...I might be alone here, but don't most of us (more enlightened ones at least) not enjoy "chewy meats, gritty berries, rubbery cheese or mushy tomatoes"?

There's a big difference between rejecting food of poor quality and having food prejudices. Why waste the calories eating bad food? Unless you are starving, of course. But to the picky, finicky eaters out there, I would like to say this: perhaps it would be a good idea to question irrational beliefs, confront your fears, and work to change habits of eating developed in childhood that limit your enjoyment of life as an adult. Change is possible. It doesn't mean that you will love every food equally, or even like absolutely everything. There is a world of deliciousness to discover out there, and you are letting your fears prevent you from experiencing a lot of pleasure.

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Alright, I'll admit it! I don't care for tripe. There, I said it. <phew>
Until Cathal Armstrong put a plate of it in front of me one evening, I would have said the same thing. Now my position is: "I don't like tripe, unless it was prepared by Cathal Armstrong." No bad smell, doesn't look funny, accompanied by a great sauce and other accompaniments.
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As for picky eaters, whatevah. If they want to be weird, they're missing out!

I have a friend who seems to live on canned tuna, crystal light and the odd chicken breast. She also happens to be 5'11" and about 120 pounds.

You know Ann Coulter?!? Can you ask her what the deal is with the Adam's Apple?

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Picky eaters are really no big deal to me. Sure, I find it baffling and puzzling, and possibly a bit annoying. But who cares? Let them eat what they want. They just probably won't get an invite over to my place for dinner (or at least a not repeat-invite). :)

Another thing to point out is that some people with food issues may have very real phobias associated that cause them their points of view. So, by all means, they should 'go with their gut' and only eat what feels/sounds good to them.

Me? I eat almost anything.

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Mostly, I'm fine with weird dining habits. Even if they want to hassle the waiter, OK. When the phobics

wrest control of the restaurant choosing process, then I am miffed. And usually over-ruled.

In family situations, anything can happen --- my wife's uncle once brought a can of his favorite gravy

to a Thanksgiving dinner and demanded that it be heated up and served to him. It worked.

A friend ordered a martini, no olive , It arrived with an olive. They took it back, then returned

with a "new" martini. Was it a "new" martini?(good), or the same martini with the olive removed? (very bad).

People who get in someone else's kitchen and mess with process (that roast beef needs at least 20 more minutes!)... don't get me started.

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I can't stand blueberries, green bell peppers and figs. Thats about it. Fish yeballs, whil not a favorite have ben eaten when face needed to be saved. Same thing with crab sinovial fluid (I am not sur that is what it actually is but it is the lubricating juices in the shell coagulated... the gloppy white stuff!). Don't ask.

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I like what I like and don't like what I don't like. Sometimes I'll try somthing I've never eaten before, sometimes I won't--depends on a whole host of things. Since I'm no longer a child, I don't think it's polite to tell me 'how good something is if only I would try it' or insist that 'I'll like it this time in this particular preparation.' Nor am I interested in some dinner time exploration of my psyche, childhood experiences, fears/insecurities and how they relate to what I eat now.

I'm sort of surprised that guests don't get invited back if they don't eat something you presented them with (regardless of the reason). If they're a good friend, I'll invite them back. I know enough not to serve them the same thing I did last time, and I'll probably try to get some info on what they will/won't eat. I'm probably just too grumpy, but there are too few people I like in the world. When I start eliminating dinner guests (who are friends) based on their food preferences, the circle of friends around me becomes altogether too small.

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I like what I like and don't like what I don't like. Sometimes I'll try somthing I've never eaten before, sometimes I won't--depends on a whole host of things. Since I'm no longer a child, I don't think it's polite to tell me 'how good something is if only I would try it' or insist that 'I'll like it this time in this particular preparation.' Nor am I interested in some dinner time exploration of my psyche, childhood experiences, fears/insecurities and how they relate to what I eat now.

I'm sort of surprised that guests don't get invited back if they don't eat something you presented them with (regardless of the reason). If they're a good friend, I'll invite them back. I know enough not to serve them the same thing I did last time, and I'll probably try to get some info on what they will/won't eat. I'm probably just too grumpy, but there are too few people I like in the world. When I start eliminating dinner guests (who are friends) based on their food preferences, the circle of friends around me becomes altogether too small.

Thinking about and exploring the possible historical roots of one's behavior, whether about food or anything else, is not something to undertake as if it were social dinnertable chit-chat. Sometimes a good friend can be the right person to listen and give cogent feedback, sometimes it is best done alone, or with the help of a professional. Personal growth works only when change is desired by the person in question, rarely when compelled from outside. But I read in at least one of the posts above, someone aware that they were trying to manage a number of food issues and still be able to participate in a DR tasting meal. I had a discussion about this today with someone who travelled in Europe with food-phobic family members, and what an ordeal it had been to find places where they were willing to eat--unlikely that he will ever repeat the experience.

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I grew up a horribly finicky eater -- if it wasn't Velveeta or PB&J, I wasn't eating it. I really thought I'd stay that way forever, until my first date with a guy I was totally swooning over. He took me to a sushi place -- and ordered RAW EEL!!! I forced myself to swallow it down because I didn't want him to know just how crazy I was. He eventually clued in, but it wasn't the sushi that did me in... :)

Today, I still spend a lot of my time with a jar of Peter Pan in my hand, but I've expanded my range to Indian, even wilder sushi, and cheese that doesn't come in a box (along with a lot of other things). I still hate tomatoes (but love ketchup), thing mushrooms belong in a forest, not on my plate and, horror of horrors, avoid truffle like the plague. But I've tried all of those things -- I just don't like them. I find lots of ways to enjoy other foods and have learned to lovegreat cooking. I'd never let my weirdness dictate someone elses restaurant choices and when I eat at a friends's I'll try everything. Because they shouldn't know how crazy I am either...

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...I'm sort of surprised that guests don't get invited back if they don't eat something you presented them with (regardless of the reason). If they're a good friend, I'll invite them back. I know enough not to serve them the same thing I did last time, and I'll probably try to get some info on what they will/won't eat. I'm probably just too grumpy, but there are too few people I like in the world. When I start eliminating dinner guests (who are friends) based on their food preferences, the circle of friends around me becomes altogether too small.
I suppose this was a reply back to me....

It's not that I won't invite these folks over again ever (well, sometimes). It really depends. Imagine how difficult it would be to manage a dinner party if you have, say, 8 guests, all with more than a few food issues? Do you get a list from everyone attending to say what they won't eat (ever) if they attend? And then try to cross-reference the list to accommadate everyone?

Sorry, that is way too much of a pain in the ass to deal with. Friends with food issues might not get a dinner party invite for that reason (I guess it depends on how many food issue friends I do or don't want over for a given event), but they're certainly still my friends and will get invited over for other things where food issues ae less important. Maybe I'm just a "dinner party nazi", but there is an art (and a science) to hosting a great dinner gathering for friends....

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Nah, not singling you out (I think (?) others have made very similar comments).

I probably have smaller dinner parties than you, so I'm not playing the logic puzzle game of, "If he doesn't eat that and she doesn't eat this and they don't touch that, this entire type of ethnic food won't work, which means my planned appetizer won't work, so I need to rethink the menu along these lines, but those things aren't in season now, etc., etc.".

I generally try to get a sense of the "I just won't touch that" list from my guests. Maybe I'm overly accommodating?

I think some of this is a difference between a one off comment "Person X just wouldn't eat Y and hence never received another invitation from me," vs. "It's too hard to accommodate multiple people with multiple, significant food issues."

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My husband and I love seafood, my kids won't eat it.

I think it's weird, but my dad loves seafood and my mother hates it, and her mother loved seafood while her father hated it, so I figure maybe they are tasting something I can't taste.

My favorite picky eater story is about my younger sister, who refused to eat sandwiches after she took a bite out of them, because they were "broken." (She outgrew it.)

I'll eat anything but brains, blood, and liver. I've tried but not liked duck feet and duck tongues. Tripe is yummy, especially in menudo and pho. A nice calve's tongue is something I occasionally crave, with raisin sauce. I live for coconut ice cream.

For dinner parties, I tell guests in advance what I am serving and ask if they have a problem with it. If they do, I add something they can eat. There are vegetarians and meatatarians, and no-seafood-atarians, and no-red-meat-atarians, and no-green-things-atarians, and no-chicken-skin-atarians. Fine by me, I just make something extra.

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I generally try to get a sense of the "I just won't touch that" list from my guests. Maybe I'm overly accommodating?
I hadn't really thought about it, but I guess I tend to know the preferences of people we invite over, and I usually make so much food that someone not eating a particular thing is not a problem. It's funny, but I've had few problems with kids being being picky eaters at all. We don't have kids, so those kinds of issues aren't at the forefront of my mind. I know kids go through stages and figure with enough food, there's something they'll eat.

The biggest objection I recall from a young dinner guest was to poppy seeds on homemade bread. We wiped them off. I remember one Easter when a friend brought her friends and their son, who was about 7, to dinner and I was serving lamb. The little boy said he'd never had it before, and I realized with a jolt that lamb is one of those foods that some people absolutely don't like. I started thinking of an alternative for him in my mind, but it was unnecessary. He wolfed down platesful of the lamb, more than any of the adults! :) The last time we had friends over, the 12-13 year old raved about the salmon, saying it was much better than the yucky way Daddy prepares it :wub::) . That was a little uncomfortable. I think I got caught in the middle of a family battle there...

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I was a fairly picky eater as a kid. I think I had issues with the texture of some foods- I would sit there and chew chicken for like 5 solid minutes before I felt it was manageable enough to swallow.

Nowadays, it's the toal opposite- I'm curious enough that I have to try just about anything I get the chance to. Did any of you have a similar turnaround?

I lived in Spain for a while and my Spanish roommates and I traded off cooking dinner for everyone. One night I sat down and started eating a strange side dish.

"What is this? It's pretty good."

"Blood."

"Blood what?"

"You know, chicken blood!" Boiled and molded into a slab, then chilled and served with sauteed onions on top.

Don't have qualms about too much anymore.

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