IM Wombat

[mktye]

Another issue was service-related and it took me until this morning to figure out what really bothered me about it. My husband and I have different last names, so occasionally one of us (usually me) will get called by the other's last name. Throughout the meal, the waiter referred to my husband as Mr. my-last-name. My husband didn't mind, and we kind of shrugged it off. It seemed like an awkward thing to make a point of (and I never realized before we got married how many complications having different names would cause).

I make all the restaurant reservations and have an ambiguous name, so it's understandable why it would happen. It was only well after the fact that I realized that the waiter only addressed him by name. He assumed that he was the the person who made the reservation. I could have been his wife, mistress, sister, or anything else, so he didn't have a name to call me. (I understand: How embarrassing to call me Mrs. my-last-name if I turned out not to be his wife.)

It left me wondering if I should change my open table account to use more my feminine full first name as opposed to the nickname I always use. I'm not bringing this up to criticize this restaurant, because it has happened before. It's, I guess, a matter of managing to maintain some kind of traditional etiquette and formality in a world where people have ambiguous names. And, in the end, my husband was the one who paid the check.

So, I'm throwing this out as a question rather than a criticism: Should I make it more explicit that I am female when I make reservations? Should I use my husband's name? Is it not worth fussing about? Is there a non-awkward way to bring it up with a server when something like this happens? I understand that people in the hospitality business are trying to be as hospitable as possible, and I'm not trying to make it any harder.

When rwtye was out of town for business last December, I had a very nice dinner with a few other DR.com folks at a DC fine dining establishment. I had made the reservation in my name and for some reason (because we arrived together?) they called mdt "Mr. Tye" all evening. I don't know about mdt, but I thought it added a whole other of layer of amusement to the dinner (and rwtye thought it hilarious once he heard about it) and never felt it was worth clarifying.

As someone with what apparently is a difficult-to-pronounce/remember name, I gave up long ago letting such things bother me. I usually only correct people on my name if it is someone I know I'll be seeing again. So if you plan to return to the restaurant with regularity, it might worth a bit of discomfort to correct the person so your hubbie is not forever known there as Mr. my-last-name.

However, if I were you, I would've been very tempted to simply tell the waiter "Oh, he's not Mr. my-last-name..." with a smirk, the raising of one eyebrow and a naughty twinkle in my eye.

[Barbara]

I second mktye's reply. When I answer the phone and the caller asks "Mrs. Johnson?" I know it's isn't a friend and probably someone I DON'T want to talk to.

Dame Edna has long been used to being called "Mr. Heil."

[porcupine]

Should I make it more explicit that I am female when I make reservations? Should I use my husband's name?

I have two friends, a married couple, who get a lot of mileage out of introducing themselves: "hi! We're Chris and Pat", and waiting to see if anyone gets it. [for the record, Christopher and Patricia, not Christina and Patrick]

[Waitman]

I find stuff like that annoying on general principle -- my instinct is always to reply "I don't believe we've been introduced." More marketing-driven faux "service." The waiters and the chefs who actually know and pretend to like me call me "Charles," and not "Mr. Sweeney."

[DanielK]

I have two friends, a married couple, who get a lot of mileage out of introducing themselves: "hi! We're Chris and Pat", and waiting to see if anyone gets it. [for the record, Christopher and Patricia, not Christina and Patrick]

My best friends are "Cary" and "Jo" (short for JoAnna), which most people incorrectly interpret as "Carrie" and "Joe". Definitely fun to see them stretch it out for far longer than should be necessary.

[mdt]

My best friends are "Cary" and "Jo" (short for JoAnna), which most people incorrectly interpret as "Carrie" and "Joe". Definitely fun to see them stretch it out for far longer than should be necessary.

And there is no effort made to identify either during introductions? Seems to me that folks like to have fun with seeing how people are going to guess.

[DanielK]

And there is no effort made to identify either during introductions? Seems to me that folks like to have fun with seeing how people are going to guess.

I think there's an element of that, sometimes. They do usually identify themselves while making a joke about their gender-neutral (and in their case, almost gender-reversed) names.

[Pat]

I decided it best to change my opentable profile to use my fuller name. I don't know if that will take care of it, but it should take care of most instances of it. Otherwise, I'll try not to worry about it.

The thing that occurs to me that is especially funny is that my husband has a name that is relatively unfamiliar to most people (though more familiar than it once was) : Liam. For decades now, when we order pizza or give our names to hold a table, he gives the name Pat, since giving his name almost always results in confusion. Even spelling it out is a pain, then whoever calls us later doesn't know how to pronounce it, except for those who decide it's William (so we miss it completely, since he's not a William).

[jm chen]

When I place a order at a counter, my name is Jill.

It's just not worth the hassle.

[JPW]

Since neither Mrs JPW nor I changed our names when we got married, I'm used to being called by her last name.

The only correction I ever make is "That's Dr. George to you."

[Heather]

This is amusing. I did change my name, and I'm currently mulling over changing it back - except for dinner reservations. My original name is Johnson, which is about as generic as it gets, and before my name change I always used something less common when making reservations.