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Dress Codes


bilrus

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I can assure you that no one wants to have sex with Ms. Versace.
Don't be too sure :D
Now one could argue that the other example another person gave where a guy walks in to a restaurant with a nice jacket and really expensive designer blue jeans. Technically against the dress code of the restaurant? Sure. The degree of this person and someone walking in with say, really lousy looking jeans -- say they are clean, but really worn, or maybe they are out of fashion or whatever. And this other person is not wearing a jacket. Clearly there is a difference between the degrees of against a given dress code or policy or implied dress code vibe of the place of these two examples.
That was me. I clealy remember the encounter and how he looked because at that moment I had a decision to make. Do I not follow the rule and decide "you look good enough" and seat him. Or do I follow the rule and turn him away, thereby relieving myself of making decisions on guests attire that some could view as arbitrary. I eventually got rid of the rule altogether, with nary a customer complaint. In my years manning the front of upscales restaurants, there was no shortage of perfectly atrocious attire that fell within the guidelines of the dress code. And there were many instances where guests were turned away, despite looking clean, polished, or presentable, because they were in violation of the "rule". My decision to lessen the dress code requirements was because (1) I found the hard and fast rules to be constrictive, (2) the rule was were detrimental to my business, (3) I thought the restaurant should strive to be inclusive, rather than exclusive.

It was a nice restaurant, and 99% of the guests STILL chose to dress up. I honestly cannot remeber a guest complaining about the attire of another guest in the five years after the rule was removed.

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Why is it OK and acceptable for ladies to be able to wear sandals in some places and it's not ok for gents to do the same? I'm not talking about nasty old or casual sandals, but nice man sandals. What's the deal?
....because man sandals are just prehistoric Crocs.
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Here's a conundrum. Why is it OK and acceptable for ladies to be able to wear sandals in some places and it's not ok for gents to do the same? I'm not talking about nasty old or casual sandals, but nice man sandals. What's the deal?

And big giant über colorful sneakers. Why are these allowed anywhere? Some of them are the size of small moons. ;-p

Shall we also discuss hiking boots?

Carry on!

Because society feels man feet are disgusting, while lady feet are very appealing. You don't hear about many women who have foot fetishes do you? Yet I have seen an advertisement on TV for the bachelorette where there is even one on TV. No one wants to see big, ugly, hairy man feet, especially because the majority of men don't take care of their feet or nails. Although I have to admit hubby has very attractive feet, but he won't wear nice man sandals only flip flops (he lives in Arlington, at least they aren't brown flip flops) so he wouldn't get the privilege of wearing sandals out to dinner anyway (or any nice place). And maybe you do too, but alas society is too scared of big ugly man feet so you lose.

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Although I have to admit hubby has very attractive feet, but he won't wear nice man sandals only flip flops (he lives in Arlington, at least they aren't brown flip flops) so he wouldn't get the privilege of wearing sandals out to dinner anyway (or any nice place).

Maybe he should come into the city and see what the boys are wearing this season. Hint: not sandals.

Man-sandals that cover most of the foot (I've seen better) go spectacularly with decent lightweight trousers for fine summer dining, particularly if there is a breeze blowing off the Med.

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Not so much, but these are badass:

Click

Mrs. B is sufficiently badass that she bought me a pair of Barker Blacks for Christmas. Captoes, instead of the loafers linked to above, they lack the crossed femur motif across the vamp, but they do have the brass tacks outlining, Seurat-like, a skull and crossbones on the bottoms (look close) and another skull and crossbones punched into the medallions on the toes.

Just to keep this on topic I'll mention that I first wore them at a post-Christmas dinner with parents and kids, jacketed and dressed all (despite the apparent laxity in dress code expressed upthread) to Vidalia.

Food and shoes. This is the best thread ever!

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How do you feel about Top-Siders? More appropriate than sandals like these?
100%. Didn't know there were so many (relatively speaking) Barker Black lovers here. I have two pairs of wingtips that are my favorite shoes - also with the same design on the sole that waitman has...
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How do you feel about Top-Siders? More appropriate than sandals like these?

Top-Siders are slightly more acceptable because they are a whole shoe, although because they are intrinsically tied to boating and the ocean, they are probably more appropriate for al fresco dining within a 3-mile radius of the beach or a lake.

Barker Blacks are sick. I almost bought a pair of the jodhpur boots they had on sale recently on Gilt, but I couldn't bring myself to drop that kind of cash, even on a discount. Arguably, Barker Blacks are greatly preferred to Top-Siders because they are a more traditional dress shoe, even if they are a little bit funky.

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I'm not sure whether to laugh or be horrified by this. I'm leaning toward hee-hawing though...

Tom Power, the chef-owner at Corduroy across from the Washington Convention Center, says dress codes set the tone for restaurants.

Corduroy does not allow shorts or hats and maintains a "jackets preferred" standard for its patrons. The biggest problem Power has had is with customers, mostly women, who arrive in shorts at his upscale dining room. That's why he stocks chef-style "loaner" black pants in three sizes for men and dark wraparound skirts for women.

He recently had to buy more of the garments. "People steal them," Power says.

(emphasis added)

Clothes Encounters

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One question as I anticipate my visit: is there a dress code I should know about?

Has anyone every been kicked out or denyed entry to resturant in the DC area for wearing Jeans? Me, I have never seen it happen, and I have never heard of it happening. I have been to numerous high end places and have seen people in Jeans eating. ( sorry if it is too much off topic).

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Wonderful dinner at Elisir last night. Both wife and I enjoyed the tasting menu (which we both thought was a good value), with a few exceptional dishes (foie gras custard; squash/amaretti soup) and otherwise everything very good. Excellent wine pairings as well. Found the service polished and attentive, but not overbearing, and very personable. I thought the tv's were a bit much, and at least from where we were sitting didn't add much b/c they're inadequate to be able to figure out what you're looking at; just seemed an unnecessary affectation and distraction. Overall, a great experience all around, though quite struck by the dress of many of the guests -- blue jeans, untucked shirts, one guy in leather pants and a motorcycle-themed t-shirt. Is this really where we're at now? Worried I'm starting to sound like my parents, but just seemed insulting to the chef and the restaurant (and obviously bugged me as well) that people can't see fit to clean it up a bit for a Saturday night out at what I would probably consider one of the top 10 or so fine dining destinations in DC at the moment.

How does the dress of a patron insult the chef?

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How does the dress of a patron insult the chef?

If I show up at your wedding wearing shorts and flip-flops and the invitation specified formal attire, am I insulting you? I suspect most people would think that's extremely rude, far more rude than eating somewhere else as opposed to the food served at the wedding. I'm curious to know why you don't think it's disrespectful to show up wearing jeans when the restaurant has a dress code, which for purposes of this discussion let's say is business casual (but according to Open Table, the dress code is "smart casual," which means jeans are fine to me).

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I think mdt asked a legitimate question that probably didn't need some daggery-words added; especially in light of the fact that in one post, you wrote that "It's unfortunate that restaurants won't enforce their own dress code," but then you followed up with " (but according to Open Table, the dress code is "smart casual," which means jeans are fine to me)." Plus, mdt was asking the OP of the concern.

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From OpenTable

- Business Casual

From khakis, collars and button-downs to suits, separates and dresses, business casual refers to the attire of the lunching professional. Men should not wear open-toed shoes or tank tops, and regardless of gender, athletic shoes, T-shirts, flip-flops and shorts are definite no-no's.

Looks like Jeans are in a grey area... not specifically ruled out but I would think need to be nice jeans with a dressier top. Wikipedia, says pressed jeans okay if paired with a jacket.

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From OpenTable

- Business Casual

From khakis, collars and button-downs to suits, separates and dresses, business casual refers to the attire of the lunching professional. Men should not wear open-toed shoes or tank tops, and regardless of gender, athletic shoes, T-shirts, flip-flops and shorts are definite no-no's.

Looks like Jeans are in a grey area... not specifically ruled out but I would think need to be nice jeans with a dressier top. Wikipedia, says pressed jeans okay if paired with a jacket.

But Elisir doesn't say it's business casual, it says (on open table) "smart casual," a term that I don't see defined anywhere on open table but a term that seems to imply (to me at least) a level more casual than business casual. If the restaurant wants to be more uptight about dress than that, they can be, but it is probably an intentional decision not to be.

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I think mdt asked a legitimate question that probably didn't need some daggery-words added; especially in light of the fact that in one post, you wrote that "It's unfortunate that restaurants won't enforce their own dress code," but then you followed up with " (but according to Open Table, the dress code is "smart casual," which means jeans are fine to me)." Plus, mdt was asking the OP of the concern.

Why do you take it upon yourself to police my posts? There's absolutely nothing in my post that can be interpreted as discourteous. In addition, since when are people not allowed to courteously respond to a post simply because it was directed at someone else? It is true that many restaurants prescribe "busines casual" as their dress code but do not enforce it. I think people disrespect the restaurant when they don't comply with the dress code. I think those people are also inconsiderate of their fellow patrons. I do not disgaree that MDT asked a legitimate question, and I gave a polite and legitimate response - I simply provided a situation where being underdressed is clearly disrespectful. However, in Elisir's case, their dress code is only "smart casual," so I would think it is okay to wear jeans to Elisir. Under those facts, I don't believe it's insulting to wear jeans to Elisir. I then asked whether MDT would feel differently if Elisir had a "business casual" dress code.

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I don't take it upon myself to police your posts - I try to point out when members are crossing the line - feel free to view my contents and you can see that you are not the only one I've asked to calm down. If you feel that you are "policed" then maybe you should reevaluate how you come across in your writing. My goal is, like others, to make this place a happy medium to talk and discuss matters.

DonRocks has called me out, just as you or others have called other members when they, or I, have crossed the line.

IF you thought I misread your post, you could have politely point it out as such, instead of writing what you just wrote. I was merely pointing out that you wrote an inconsistent observation.

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Impolite, maybe, but breaking a (IMHO stupid) rule on dress code is not really an insult to the chef. I am pretty sure there is a thread on this board about how it is heresy for a chef to refuse changes to a dish upon request from a diner. The argument was something along the lines of if I am paying for it I should get it the way I want. How is it that I modifying a dish that the chef worked hard on creating not an insult while wearing jeans is a travesty to chef and other diners?

BTW, I hope nobody will be offended or insulted when I arrive at Fiola on Friday wearing jeans. Hmm, maybe if I pair it with my tuxedo t-shirt that will be ok. ;)

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I don't take it upon myself to police your posts - I try to point out when members are crossing the line

I call that policing.

If you feel that you are "policed" then maybe you should reevaluate how you come across in your writing. My goal is, like others, to make this place a happy medium to talk and discuss matters.

I need to write in a way that doesn't "seem" daggery to you? I was happingly discussing a matter with MDT until you rudely interposed with your off topic "policing." How ironic.

IF you thought I misread your post, you could have politely point it out as such, instead of writing what you just wrote. I was merely pointing out that you wrote an inconsistent observation.

I was being polite and I'm being polite. I would've used different language if wasn't being polite.

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Impolite, maybe, but breaking a (IMHO stupid) rule on dress code is not really an insult to the chef. I am pretty sure there is a thread on this board about how it is heresy for a chef to refuse changes to a dish upon request from a diner.

There's also a thread on dress code, IIRC. I suppose I like rules or codes to be enforced (consistently and without discrimination), otherwise why have them?

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I call that policing.

I need to write in a way that doesn't "seem" daggery to you? I was happingly discussing a matter with MDT until you rudely interposed with your off topic "policing." How ironic.

I get the feeling that you write what you want to write anyway, so it doesn't matter what I feel. I just point out when you (or anyone else is/might be) are crossing lines. If you call that "policing," so be it. It's good that you're happy. I ain't your guardian, police, mom, etc..

Um, aren't you calling the kettle pot black? Off-topic, indeed. "How ironic." :lol:

By the way, you've done some "policing" (your words, not mine) here and here (you were very nice on the latter post).

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To take this one level less meta, and back to dress codes -

I had a very nice dinner at Bistro Bis the other day. I showed up in probably slightly shabby but presentable comfortable clothes and denim jacket, and was pleased to be treated just as nicely as the 90+ percent of other patrons who were coming from their suit-wearing jobs. The percentage of people in the city who have the $ and inclination to spend lots of money at dinner is not so great. I think it is smart for restaurants - all but the very most formal and old-fashioned few, who are mining a particular formal and old-fashioned vein - to welcome everybody in that demographic, even those of us who don't wear nice clothes for a living. I think it is smart for other patrons to recognize also that wearing a particular costume is not the sine qua non of respectfulness.

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Impolite, maybe, but breaking a (IMHO stupid) rule on dress code is not really an insult to the chef. I am pretty sure there is a thread on this board about how it is heresy for a chef to refuse changes to a dish upon request from a diner. The argument was something along the lines of if I am paying for it I should get it the way I want. How is it that I modifying a dish that the chef worked hard on creating not an insult while wearing jeans is a travesty to chef and other diners?

BTW, I hope nobody will be offended or insulted when I arrive at Fiola on Friday wearing jeans. Hmm, maybe if I pair it with my tuxedo t-shirt that will be ok. ;)

I don't know about the bar area but the dining room of Fiola will have as high a percentage of men wearing suits or sport coats any restaurants in the D. C. area that does not require a jacket, I think perhaps it has become a "power" restaurant with so many coming directly from the office. Again, I am only talking about the dining room.

FWIW, last Saturday we had dinner at the MIchelin starred Terrine in Munich and everyone of the 16 men in the dining room had a jacket (I counted) and on Thursday evening Barestovino (which does not have a star but our favorite restaurant of the trip) was similar. I passionately agree that you show respect to the chef and the restaurant by how you dress. You also show respect to others in the dining room. I marvel at men who think they can dress "sloppy" casual while escorting a woman who dresses well. I've often wondered if they ever had another date. Of course I am one of those who have refused to return to a restaurant which DOES NOT ENFORCE ITS DRESS CODE.

I also admit to being old......er.

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I don't know about the bar area but the dining room of Fiola will have as high a percentage of men wearing suits or sport coats any restaurants in the D. C. area that does not require a jacket, I think perhaps it has become a "power" restaurant with so many coming directly from the office. Again, I am only talking about the dining room.

FWIW, last Saturday we had dinner at the MIchelin starred Terrine in Munich and everyone of the 16 men in the dining room had a jacket (I counted) and on Thursday evening Barestovino (which does not have a star but our favorite restaurant of the trip) was similar. I passionately agree that you show respect to the chef and the restaurant by how you dress. You also show respect to others in the dining room. I marvel at men who think they can dress "sloppy" casual while escorting a woman who dresses well. I've often wondered if they ever had another date. Of course I am one of those who have refused to return to a restaurant which DOES NOT ENFORCE ITS DRESS CODE.

I also admit to being old......er.

I really am not intending to pick a fight, and I will try to make sure that my tone is right here, to make that clear ... but if I fail in my tone, again please understand that I am not trying to stir things up

I suggest that:

a) To say that a man's style of dress shows respect to the chef and the restaurant, is to overemphasize a very limited view of how one can show respect to the chef and the restaurant. If I show up in lesser dress, but treat every staff member with a smile, order somewhat more food than I might really need, ask questions in order to learn, tip well, and leave promptly when I am done - then I sure would hope that the chef and owners would feel much more respected, than if I had shown up dressed "right" but neglected to do some of the other things. In my admittedly biased view, I think that those who dress "right" are at least as likely to neglect those other things, as are people who dress somewhat down-market as I do.

b. It is possible to get multiple dates, in various styles of dress. Really.

c) I think that those who are concerned about what other diners wear are, mostly, concerned with other people's clothes as a demonstration of respect not to "the chef," "the restaurant," "the date," etc., but to themselves as fellow customers - or with having a certain feeling of poshness as they eat. I'm not saying that this makes the preference illegitimate, but I think that is what the preference is.

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I wish people would dress up more because dressing up is nice. It makes an everyday excursion into a special occasion. People seem to act more politely when they're decked out, and yes, I think it shows respect to the host. I almost wept when I saw my first (and sadly not last) track suit at the opera. Put in a little effort, people.

But at the same time, I understand the business imperative that might make restaurants reticent to enforce a code. Especially around Penn Quarter where tourists make up an enormous proportion of patrons, they're probably not looking too fancy after walking the Mall all day. I'm not proud of it, but I've done it myself: if I've spent a day at the museums and my options are #1 going straight to a Penn Quarter restaurant, #2 going all the way home to change and then coming back to Penn Quarter, or #3 going home to change and going out in my neighborhood... well, #1 or #3 are going to win every time. And I'm guessing that restaurants prefer #1 to #3.

Incidentally, "smart casual" is a bullshit designation. It doesn't mean anything AT ALL. You want to tell the guy in leather pants and a motorcycle shirt that he isn't dressed "smart casual"? I'm guessing he'd laugh his ass off--I know I would.

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Hopefully, we can have this discussion with respect for both viewpoints.

In fact, I *do* have respect for both viewpoints. I constantly feel guilty for underdressing in restaurants, and in fact it often influences where I'll dine - the reason is that I don't dress up much, and my lifestyle and wardrobe isn't set up to be based around laundered shirts, dry cleaners, coat and tie, etc.

Back in 1989, I took a tour of the State Opera House in Vienna. The one thing I remember from the tour is when the guide said that the people who come and stand in the back row, often not dressed as well as others, are the ones the singers respect the most because they're the greatest opera lovers of all. Indeed, I worked with a gentleman for many years who fits this description - it could be downright embarrassing to be at the Kennedy Center with him - yet, nobody I know respects opera more than he.

To me, it's obvious there are two separate and distinct issues here: dress, and manners - with some overlap between the two. One reason the 14 UP (isn't this annoying?) restaurants are so popular is because people don't have to dress up to go there - same with Clarendon (of course they're also residential areas). I'm something of a hypocrite because I do believe there aren't enough old-school courtesies left in this world, and yes, I do think dressing appropriately is a sign of respect; yet, I often find myself on the lower end of the spectrum for the reasons stated above. "I should care more, I should care more," I keep saying to myself. And perhaps one day (soon) I will.

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Long ago, I was maitre d' of a restaurant that had a dress code. It was my job to enforce said dress code. So I turned away men and women, who had reservations, that were wearing jeans, shorts, etc. People got upset. I was yelled at, and belittled, but our rule was our rule and we chose to enforce it, regardless of the potential economic loss from turning away a patron and leaving the table empty.

I have also been a guest at a restaurant that had a coat and tie provision. Did not know in advance we were dining at said restaurant. I was in a suit with a lovely, patterned plaid French Cuff shirt and was politely informed that I would have to don a tie in order to be seated. Needless to say, none of the ties available matched my bespoke attire, so I ate dinner dressed as a circus clown, decidedly embarrassed and uncomfortable. It was 15 years ago and I still remember how bad that meal sucked, because of that horrific tie.

Dress as you want. Be comfortable. To this day, I have never had a meal spoiled because the man on table 43 had on a pair of jeans. And if you, as a patron, are bothered because the restaurant made a decision to seat someone despite the fact that they are dressed contrary to the restaurants published dress code, take it up with the restaurant.

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BTW, I hope nobody will be offended or insulted when I arrive at Fiola on Friday wearing jeans. Hmm, maybe if I pair it with my tuxedo t-shirt that will be ok. ;)

This past Saturday evening my husband and I enjoyed a fantastic meal at Fiola. We were seated in the front area, where I had a view of the entrance. Many diners arrived wearing jeans (some even with shirts untucked) and all were greeted graciously and seated. So no one should be offended or insulted. Tuxedo t-shirt? Sounds a little overdressed. ;)

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Fiola's "casual elegant." It's as vague as "smart casual." I intrepret anything casual (other than business casual) as okay to wear jeans. My gripe with untucked shirts and jeans isn't that they don't meet the restaurant's dress code if it's casual, but that they've become the uniform for those men with no sense of style. For those who want to dress this way, here's a clue as to how.

From GQ:

I enjoy wearing button-down shirts untucked. Sometimes, however, I feel that this casual style may look a little too sloppy. What’s the general rule about how long a shirt can be before it needs to be tucked in?

The rule is: Tuck in your goddamn shirt, barn boy! But seriously, folks, I know that the hip thing has been to go around with your shirt out, or maybe half tucked, like you slept in your clothes and haven’t had coffee yet. But this “hip” look has been hip so long, how much longer can it possibly be hip? The rule I live by is, if a button-down shirt has a finished, squared-off bottom, it’s okay to wear it untucked in casual scenes. If it’s cut curvy—long in front and back, short on the sides—then tuck the mother in. You’ll feel better when you look at pictures of yourself ten years from now.

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Part of the problem with dress codes is that, as they've become unfashionable (ha!), restaurateurs have come up with these new terms (the smart, elegant, and casual ones) that put the onus on customers to decide what is okay to wear. Or maybe it's that they give people the freedom to decide. The terms don't mean much of anything, though business casual may come the closest to meaning something.

"Jacket and tie required" means something. The age when ladies wore skirts and dresses regularly and there was a way to indicate that they shouldn't wear pants has been gone for a long time. This leaves an imbalance between males and females, as the places who have dress codes that specify particular clothing generally only affect males.

The exception to this is probably Corduroy where shorts aren't allowed, and this applies to women wearing skorts/culottes. Corduroy is really the only place I go to with any regularity where I have to think about the dress code and what I'm wearing. I don't mind that, really.

I'm like Don in that I'm dressed down most of the time but feel bad for not dressing up more. I was dressed more fancy for Boundary Road last Saturday than my husband was and he really looked more like the norm.

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I enjoy dressing nicely, I like for my husband to look nice when we go out. (Although he normally dresses nicely. Now and then though... and when we first met we went shoe shopping quickly.) I think it is a good reflection of your own self-worth and respect for everyone around. I have on occasion been annoyed when I go to a nice restaurant and people show up clearly under dressed. But I also don't mind being the nicest dressed person in the room. I would rather be best dressed than worst.

I am married now obviously, but I would not date someone, and haven't dated people based on them not dressing appropriately for dates.

I think many restaurants legitimately do not uphold their dress codes for valid reasons, but I don't think that makes it ok to voluntarily violate it. As nice weather roles in my annoyance with flip flops and Crocs and people's dress will at some point culminate in me being really annoyed with the state of society. But that's just me. I am fairly old-fashioned and had really strict parents in terms of appropriate dress and behavior. And Myers Briggs says I am a judgey judger.

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Good discussion. I do not go into restaurants looking to purposely flaunt the dress code. It's when they state something ambiguous like "smart casual" or the sort that irritates me the most. If it states jacket and tie I am happy to get all prettied up for the night out.

If the food and company is good I don't know how what others are wearing can bother anyone. OTOH I have been assaulted by fancily dressed men and women with way too much cologne/perfume, but that is probably a topic for another thread.

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