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Friday Afternoon Throwdown


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A Yugo, huh? My first car was a Pinto.



Wish I was younger &/or headed west (or that I could play a fiddle or a banjo or do splits while jumping on a trampoline). I didn't like country music growing up, but now I like the melancholy & heartbreak, & weird optimism.

There will always be people writing bad stuff, it's easy enough to get it online, you read it & forget it (glad you didn't join their blog).

My cousin (who's much younger than I am) is headed cross country, to start a new life in CA, I envy him & I hope this trip is memorable for him. It's kind of scary, uprooting yourself from your comfortable surroundings, & starting fresh-but what an opportunity!
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I could tell Pinto stories for days ( my kids are already over it). Mine was purchased by my dad for $100 & a couple of buckets of shrimp- he was totally taken. But he opted for a fancy paint job, blue w/ silver racing stripe down the center.

About 10 years ago, maybe at the turn of this century, the Car Guys put out a list of the Ten Worst Cars of the Century. Turns out that my Brother owned two of them--a Pinto and a Cadillac Cimmaron (which had a stick-shift, which he loved). I never miss an opportunity to remind him of this.  :D

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Ok, now come up with a word that correctly describes your relationship w/ your child (whether it's an anagram or homonym)- right now mine is a mix of expletives ( as I think back to the crap I put my own parents through).

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I just realized that marital is a small step away from becoming martial.

I just realized that marital could be pronounced "MARE-it-tall" making it sound like a prescription medicine. Ask your doctor if Marital is right for you.

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I just realized that marital could be pronounced "MARE-it-tall" making it sound like a prescription medicine. Ask your doctor if Marital is right for you.

Does that come with the disclaimer list of contraindications?

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Contest #1 (For Beginners)

Rules: You laugh, you lose. 

1. Be out of earshot of children or people who may be offended. This is NSFW, so you've been warned. That said, if there *is* someone in the room with an open-minded, erudite, sophisticated sense of humor, you can all play at once! The first person to laugh, loses.

2. Click on this, and then move your cursor off the word, and then back on the word - there is no need to click anything. Do this 10 times.

That's the whole contest - if you can make it to 10 without laughing, you win. The first person to laugh, loses. Good luck.

Contest #2 (For Tougher Nuts To Crack)

Rules: Same as before.

Click on the letters of the alphabet. If you can make it all the way through without laughing, you win.

If you're in a group, the first person to laugh, loses. Let's begin - for each letter, click it, and then close your eyes. If you're in a group, then you have to stare at each other.

A B C D E F G H I (*) J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

 
(*) And you accuse me of being puerile.
 

And if you've made it this far, congratulations. Now for the bonus round: If you're alone, you have to keep your eyes closed; if you're with other people, you have to stare into each other's eyes. The first person to laugh, loses. Click on this, close your eyes, and good luck.

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Fred [emerging from lavatory, limping, thermometer in mouth]: "You know you're really sick when your pee is purple."

Ralph: "Oh my *God*!! Is your pee purple?!?!"

Fred: "No, but if it was, I'd know I was really sick."

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Try to get this visual out of your head.

People are (justifiably) angry at the cost of WiFi on flights - the last time I flew, there were several options. For example, a "monthly, unlimited American Airlines pass" was $49.95, and there was another package which provided 30 minutes of WiFi for $4.95.

I justified the 30-minute package(s) by figuring that on my round-trip, cross-country flight (with one plane change each way), I could easily stay under 5 hours online total, so 10 of these packages would only cost me $49.50. That, and it would "force" me to attack the novel I've been procrastinating with.

So, between DC and Chicago, I paid $4.95 for 30 minutes. 

Then, from Chicago to San Francisco, I went to purchase a second 30-minute package, and the 30-minute price was now $14.95! That *really* ticked me off, and I refused to buy it - I got a lot of reading done, took a nap, and had a pleasant conversation with a PhD in Philosophy sitting next to me. (Sure seems weird to actually *talk* to someone, doesn't it?)

It's easy to see why people are pretty hacked off about all these airline fees - it cost me $25 to check my bag, $4.95 for 30 minutes of WiFi, etc.

However, in the distant future, I believe I've come up with an optional add-on that will make the airlines a fortune, and nobody will be angry about it. And unless you want to have an image stuck in your head that won't go away, I suggest turning away right here. Stop. Do not proceed. 

In the future, each seat should come with optional Orgasmatron sessions - the airline industry would instantly become the most profitable in the world.

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On 6/4/2015 at 11:26 AM, Al Dente said:

I just realized that marital could be pronounced "MARE-it-tall" making it sound like a prescription medicine. Ask your doctor if Marital is right for you.

On 6/4/2015 at 11:40 AM, weezy said:

Does that come with the disclaimer list of contraindications?

On 6/4/2015 at 0:09 PM, Al Dente said:

Side effects include ingrown testicle, rectal hallucinations, and restless torso syndrome.

See you in HEALTH!,

Dr Stephen Colbert

Al Dente's testicle, after long-term usage of Marital. The sun soon set, and didn't rise again until mourning came, and his pole was lashed, shortly aft her.

IMG_2894.jpg

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