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Post Your One-Star Yelp Reviews Here


DonRocks
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Although this post has nothing to do with "extortion" (or for that matter, much of anything else), it did give me an idea.

I invite every restaurant to reprint their one-star Yelp reviews here in this thread, along with whatever comments and annotations you may wish to add.

This is important.

Oh.

They're in Philadelphia too?

https://twitter.com/yelpphilly/status/375753186218237952

:unsure:

OMFG - HELP WANTED. MUST BE YOUNGER THAN 25 AND HAVE AN IQ LESS THAN 100.

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here is 1 from me. he is talking about the soft shell crab :)

--------------------

George C. from Beltsville, MD  1 star

Had the crab sandwich with cole slaw.  Still hungry, despite the fact that I spent nineteen dollars.  There was only a trace of crab meat.  The sandwich was mostly shells, lettuce, tomatoes, and a huge bun.  It was served with messy sauce that was so watery the sandwich had to be eaten with a fork and knife, rather than eating it like a sandwich.  But that was rendered awkward because the sandwich was served on paper, which made it impossible to cut without getting pieces of paper inside my food.  I was the only customer, during peak dinner hours.  Scarcity of customers implies others already knew what I found out.  I won't return, either.  PS - They advertise free WiFi.  But their WiFi is so unreliable that you won't be able to use it.

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here is 1 from me. he is talking about the soft shell crab :)

--------------------

George C. from Beltsville, MD  1 star

Had the crab sandwich with cole slaw.  Still hungry, despite the fact that I spent nineteen dollars.  There was only a trace of crab meat.  The sandwich was mostly shells, lettuce, tomatoes, and a huge bun.  It was served with messy sauce that was so watery the sandwich had to be eaten with a fork and knife, rather than eating it like a sandwich.  But that was rendered awkward because the sandwich was served on paper, which made it impossible to cut without getting pieces of paper inside my food.  I was the only customer, during peak dinner hours.  Scarcity of customers implies others already knew what I found out.  I won't return, either.  PS - They advertise free WiFi.  But their WiFi is so unreliable that you won't be able to use it.

https://twitter.com/DonRocketh/status/375821975928590336

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This is a very recent one for the Light Horse:

"I should have taken the hint when it was so easy to get a holiday brunch reservation here at the last minute. Almost everyone at ur table of 6 had to send their food back because something had been made wrong: well done requested burger served rare, dish where we asked sauce on the side was swimming in it, eggs served the wrong way, etc. They served the hollandaise cold so we asked for a new one, and they brought it back microwaved and a broken butter mess. Maybe it's a great place for drinks, but I wouldn't ever eat there again."

"‹Ahem"¦your burger (I saw it myself) was cooked a teeny bit under well-done.  It was nowhere close to rare.  It was medium well.  We try to cook well-done meat as close as possible so there is the finest hint of juice left.  Our bad.  It was re-fired and back at your table in less than two minutes.

"‹Your "sauce on the side" was served on the side.  You dumped it on the plate.  I watched.

Your eggs were served as you requested them.  Runny.  I saw them.  What's the deal?  Oh wait"¦I just checked your Yelp profile and you only slam restaurants and never offer positive "reviews".  I hope you enjoy your life.  Because you're awesome at all aspects of it. 

Your hollandaise was served at 100 degrees.  That's not cold.  We don't have a microwave in our kitchen to reheat it anyway.   You were so diehard on having an emulsified egg/butter sauce served hot, so we  heated it in a pan and tried to make you happy.  No luck there, I guess.

Eh.

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This is a very recent one for the Light Horse:

"I should have taken the hint when it was so easy to get a holiday brunch reservation here at the last minute. Almost everyone at ur table of 6 had to send their food back because something had been made wrong: well done requested burger served rare, dish where we asked sauce on the side was swimming in it, eggs served the wrong way, etc. They served the hollandaise cold so we asked for a new one, and they brought it back microwaved and a broken butter mess. Maybe it's a great place for drinks, but I wouldn't ever eat there again."

"‹Ahem"¦your burger (I saw it myself) was cooked a teeny bit under well-done.  It was nowhere close to rare.  It was medium well.  We try to cook well-done meat as close as possible so there is the finest hint of juice left.  Our bad.  It was re-fired and back at your table in less than two minutes.

"‹Your "sauce on the side" was served on the side.  You dumped it on the plate.  I watched.

Your eggs were served as you requested them.  Runny.  I saw them.  What's the deal?  Oh wait"¦I just checked your Yelp profile and you only slam restaurants and never offer positive "reviews".  I hope you enjoy your life.  Because you're awesome at all aspects of it.

Your hollandaise was served at 100 degrees.  That's not cold.  We don't have a microwave in our kitchen to reheat it anyway.   You were so diehard on having an emulsified egg/butter sauce served hot, so we  heated it in a pan and tried to make you happy.  No luck there, I guess.

Eh.

https://twitter.com/DonRocketh/status/376025905681809408

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My favorite is a two stars Trip Advisor review of Iron Horse Taproom:

"Nice old place with excellent bones and the beer was exceptional. However the food wasn't. My wife had a corned beef sandwich. Half of the meat was inedable due to fat and gristle. She complained to the waiter without effect. Finally we had to insist and it was removed from the bill.

Visited April 2013"

Um. They don't serve any food and have no floor wait staff.

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Tacky?   Snarky?   Funny?  

Definitely interesting.   Ha ha.

I did like the total story on the Light Horse review and response.   That one was crazy.  Complete rejection of every claim on the review.   boy does that leave that review in question!!!!

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This one was two stars, but a good read nevertheless. Just to clarify; we're not racist or sexist.

From Karmalita J, Washington DC:

I ate at Boundary Road last night.  I was promptly seated at the back of the restaurant, by the coat rack and kitchen pick up window.  There were other tables available in the front of the restaurant.  The waitress started off not introducing herself, but by telling me they were out of the Bison Spare Ribs, which I wanted to order.  The braised oxtail pasta was good, but tasted as if it had set for a while even though I was right by the window.  The chicken was underdone.  I do not send my food back unless there is a major problem.  This was minor.  My very dirty Ketel One Martini was hard to drink; the wine was not much better.  It tasted like it was rose out of a box.  Kind of stale, and not properly preserved.  Best part of the evening was the dessert brownie with caramel sorbet; dessert always makes things okay.  
Tips for this restaurant:  
1.  If there are other tables available DO NOT sit single black women (OR anyone for that matter) at the back of the restaurant, it is a horribly offensive and loud experience.
2.  Wait Staff - Introduce YOURSELVES, I should not have to wait for my check to know who waited on me.  It is inappropriate, rude and unprofessional to drop a plate on one table while taking another table's order.  I don't care how close you are to the window.  Multi-tasking works well in some professions just not one where you are charging folks to serve them your product.  Instead of stopping to see if maybe I would've liked fresh ground pepper, or if my dish arrived as ordered, you just sidestepped the table beside me and plunked my plate haphazardly in front of me.  Sorry if you were having a bad night; you should try your best to fake it or go home.  When I was a waitress you could have given me an OSCAR!!  Smiles don't kill; they actually heal.
3.  Bartenders should not spend most of their evening shooting death darts at tables because they do not want to make someone's drink as requested.  Secure your wine and alcohol better.  Folks can tell when you don't.  I like my martinis dirty.  I have heard several folks in the industry suggest this is "ghetto."  Well, from now on I will order Olive Juice and Ketel One!!  Do not serve wine to customers, seated beside other wine drinking customers, in a high ball glass.
4. Bread; when one orders bread, please do not serve them bread from the GRILL (bread was actually flattened and buttered on the GRILL.  Which was not clean, resulting in black lined bread).  It was at best disgusting.  
Bottom line, I work hard for my money, I eat well and I tip well.  I enjoy spending it in establishments that respect my time and choices.  I should not HAVE to be accompanied by a man, white person or another female to be treated fairly.  I make it a point not to have diva moments inside of the restaurants, especially while dining alone.  Thanks, Yelp, for allowing me to thoroughly express my opinions.  Have a great day.

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My favorite is a two stars Trip Advisor review of Iron Horse Taproom: "Nice old place with excellent bones and the beer was exceptional. However the food wasn't. My wife had a corned beef sandwich. Half of the meat was inedable due to fat and gristle. She complained to the waiter without effect. Finally we had to insist and it was removed from the bill.

Visited April 2013"

Um. They don't serve any food and have no floor wait staff.

One can only assume (hope?) he got the restaurant wrong.

Still, this review has been on Trip Advisor for five months.

https://twitter.com/DonYelps/status/380798228687355904

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One can only assume (hope?) he got the restaurant wrong.

Still, this review has been on Trip Advisor for five months.

https://twitter.com/DonYelps/status/380798228687355904

The best part is that they probably got Light Horse and Iron Horse mixed up.

"Hey, hon, what was the name of that place we went in D.C. where I got that sandwich I didn't like?  The horsey one.  Sumthin' Horse?  Hmm, looks like there's an Iron Horse around there, that's probably it.  Can't wait to give them a piece of my mind!"

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From: Pierce

This interesting reviewer has actually reviewed us twice.  The first time he dined with us, he was quite happy with the experience and gave us 4 stars.  Unfortunately, some of his facts were wildly incorrect:

  • it might just be my sense of aesthetic but I would not describe our upstairs dining room as "semi-industrial and Ikea-laden"
  • I would also not describe the first floor counter seating as a "sake bar"
  • It's nice that he think our "house-made food is delicious" but would be incorrect to think that it's a "mother-daughter" pair behind it....my mother lives in St. Louis.
  • It's also nice that he was happy with the "sweet older lady" who served him -- who may or may not have been me -- except that all of our servers are in their 30s or younger and I'm not sure I've ever comped a free beer just because we ran out of a dish or two during the course of the night.....is 30 so old to be called "older"? 

THIS is the nice review.

More recently, Pierce had a very unhappy experience with us that merited a 1-star update because apparently, we turned him away at the door and suggested that he go to Daikaya instead.  It sounds like he came on our one-year, all you can eat tuna night when I was acting as hostess all night.....it's true that we had an excessively long wait for three days straight.  We weren't expecting so many tuna sashimi fiends!  But I'm sure that we managed to seat every single person that came through our door.  And as much as I appreciate Daikaya and what they do, I am *pretty sure* I would never turn away a customer and suggest that they try another restaurant.  I LIKE customers.  I want their patronage.  Maybe I'll ask Daikaya to pay me a finder's fee for new customers????

I am admittedly "too cool for school" and have been told by several people that I'm an "aging hipster" :-(

"Overgrown aging hipster child" might also be accurate :-/    especially if i'm passive-aggressively retaliating by re-posting this review.

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This was actually a 3 star review, but it really rubbed me the wrong way. Say what you want about the chocolates, customer service, whatever... But by saying that you felt ill after eating  one piece of chocolate is absolutely ridiculous as it totally undermines the sanitation of my shop. I can guarantee that there is no gluten in that particular piece and I can assure you that our kitchen is probably one of the cleanliest around. Why even write anything at all? I hate this, because if I write back or post on Yelp, I look like a whiny business owner and it always comes off as defensive. I wonder if there will ever be a day when internet "reviewers" can be held liable for their false accusations? Rant over.

Fairfax, VA

 
10/30/2013

We stopped in Artisan Confections earlier today on the way to the escalator to Target.  It was a small chocolate shoppe, and the appearance really attracted my attention.   The shoppe was small and square and clean.  It was very well-organized and not at all cluttered, very similar to their chocolates!

The chocolates are all the same shape.  Each one has a special decoration on it, which is most likely intended to resemble the flavor and ingredients.  The decorations seem to be edible decals.  They are very small chocolates for $1.75 apiece.  Or you can choose a beautiful, little box, which holds four chocolates for $8.00.  The lady behind the counter said the higher cost for the boxed chocolates is due to the cost of the fancy gift box.  

I had white chocolate pistachio honey.  I did like it while I was eating it, but I did not feel so well afterwards.  It was gluten free, and the lady told me which chocolates were gluten free and which chocolates contained gluten.  I will try one again in the future so I can determine if it was just the chocolate or whatever.  I can always tell fine-quality food by more than the taste.  We will see next time.  

For now, I rate it at a solid three stars.

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This was actually a 3 star review, but it really rubbed me the wrong way. Say what you want about the chocolates, customer service, whatever... But by saying that you felt ill after eating  one piece of chocolate is absolutely ridiculous as it totally undermines the sanitation of my shop. I can guarantee that there is no gluten in that particular piece and I can assure you that our kitchen is probably one of the cleanliest around. Why even write anything at all? I hate this, because if I write back or post on Yelp, I look like a whiny business owner and it always comes off as defensive. I wonder if there will ever be a day when internet "reviewers" can be held liable for their false accusations? Rant over.

It looks like Darth Onestar picked up on your post. :)

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This was actually a 3 star review, but it really rubbed me the wrong way. Say what you want about the chocolates, customer service, whatever... But by saying that you felt ill after eating  one piece of chocolate is absolutely ridiculous as it totally undermines the sanitation of my shop. I can guarantee that there is no gluten in that particular piece and I can assure you that our kitchen is probably one of the cleanliest around. Why even write anything at all? I hate this, because if I write back or post on Yelp, I look like a whiny business owner and it always comes off as defensive. I wonder if there will ever be a day when internet "reviewers" can be held liable for their false accusations? Rant over.

Fairfax, VA

 
10/30/2013

We stopped in Artisan Confections earlier today on the way to the escalator to Target.  It was a small chocolate shoppe, and the appearance really attracted my attention.   The shoppe was small and square and clean.  It was very well-organized and not at all cluttered, very similar to their chocolates!

The chocolates are all the same shape.  Each one has a special decoration on it, which is most likely intended to resemble the flavor and ingredients.  The decorations seem to be edible decals.  They are very small chocolates for $1.75 apiece.  Or you can choose a beautiful, little box, which holds four chocolates for $8.00.  The lady behind the counter said the higher cost for the boxed chocolates is due to the cost of the fancy gift box.

I had white chocolate pistachio honey.  I did like it while I was eating it, but I did not feel so well afterwards.  It was gluten free, and the lady told me which chocolates were gluten free and which chocolates contained gluten.  I will try one again in the future so I can determine if it was just the chocolate or whatever.  I can always tell fine-quality food by more than the taste.  We will see next time.

For now, I rate it at a solid three stars.

I would like to thank Celia C. for her thoughtful takes on Crackerbarrel and Walgreens. Now I will always know where to head for biscuits and Robotusin DM, so that I can orchestrate my favorite personal holiday; Southern Robotrip Thanksgiving. See you on the flip side.

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I would like to thank Celia C. for her thoughtful takes on Crackerbarrel and Walgreens. Now I will always know where to head for biscuits and Robotusin DM, so that I can orchestrate my favorite personal holiday; Southern Robotrip Thanksgiving. See you on the flip side.

Celia also gives solid five-star reviews of 7-Eleven and Dollar Tree. A woman not to be trifled with.

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This was actually a 3 star review, but it really rubbed me the wrong way. Say what you want about the chocolates, customer service, whatever... But by saying that you felt ill after eating  one piece of chocolate is absolutely ridiculous as it totally undermines the sanitation of my shop. I can guarantee that there is no gluten in that particular piece and I can assure you that our kitchen is probably one of the cleanliest around. Why even write anything at all? I hate this, because if I write back or post on Yelp, I look like a whiny business owner and it always comes off as defensive. I wonder if there will ever be a day when internet "reviewers" can be held liable for their false accusations? Rant over.

Fairfax, VA

 
10/30/2013

We stopped in Artisan Confections earlier today on the way to the escalator to Target.  It was a small chocolate shoppe, and the appearance really attracted my attention.   The shoppe was small and square and clean.  It was very well-organized and not at all cluttered, very similar to their chocolates!

The chocolates are all the same shape.  Each one has a special decoration on it, which is most likely intended to resemble the flavor and ingredients.  The decorations seem to be edible decals.  They are very small chocolates for $1.75 apiece.  Or you can choose a beautiful, little box, which holds four chocolates for $8.00.  The lady behind the counter said the higher cost for the boxed chocolates is due to the cost of the fancy gift box.

I had white chocolate pistachio honey.  I did like it while I was eating it, but I did not feel so well afterwards.  It was gluten free, and the lady told me which chocolates were gluten free and which chocolates contained gluten.  I will try one again in the future so I can determine if it was just the chocolate or whatever.  I can always tell fine-quality food by more than the taste.  We will see next time.

For now, I rate it at a solid three stars.

What about your bags of chocolate?  Or the little boxes of bars, bark and etc.  Not ALL of your chocolates are even square, the caramels are round.  Speaking of chocolate, my house is desperately low on good chocolate, and my secret office stash is gone... It's pretty much getting to be a full out crisis point, must be remedied.

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