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DonRocks

The Worst Songs of All-Time

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I'll Play! 

Wives and Lovers by Jack Jones

Hey, little girl
Comb your hair, fix your make-up
Soon he will open the door
Don't think because
There's a ring on your finger
You needn't try any more

For wives should always be lovers, too
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you
I'm warning you

Day after day
There are girls at the office
And men will always be men
Don't send him off
With your hair still in curlers
You may not see him again

For wives should always be lovers, too
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you
He's almost here

Hey, little girl
Better wear something pretty
Something you'd wear to go to the city
And dim all the lights
Pour the wine, start the music
Time to get ready for love

Oh, time to get ready,
Time to get ready
Time to get ready
For love.

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2 hours ago, susan said:

I'll Play! 

Wives and Lovers by Jack Jones

Oh my, that didn't age well. For a more palatable example of the same thing, there's "Tell Him" by The Exciters (which is actually a very pleasant, catchy song, but not necessarily one you'd want to play at the NOW Christmas party).

This is about as good a time as any to add: I've been thinking lately about some of the humor I wrote here 14-years ago. I've been sensitive to race a lot longer than gender when it comes to jokes, and a couple of posts I made in the mid-naughties (that's the first decade of this century) would be things that I'd be crucified for today, and wouldn't even think of writing. I'm well-aware of this, and have made a decision to leave things be as a sign of the times; ironically, the post that would come across as "The Worst" was satire *against* the contemporary state of discrimination (and, in fact, the people I wrote about unanimously thought it was hilarious at the time), but most people wouldn't see it that way today. Well, anyway, I just wanted to say that I've thought about this a lot, and do feel guilty.

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The thing is, though, "Tell Him" is a good song, and "Wishin and Hopin" is bad, but it isn't that bad; it would be so easy to find older music that's out-of-place with current society that it almost needs another topic, and if this was *really* to be explored properly (minstrel, etc.), I'm not even sure I want us to go there. "Wives and Lovers" has these qualities, but the song itself is just awful as well.

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59 minutes ago, ktmoomau said:

Those songs are bad... but to me, there will never be a song worse than Black Velvet by Alannah Myles.  It is stupid and was overplayed in my youth, I really do not like it. 

I'm not good at this game - I listened to "Black Velvet" just now for the first time, and I didn't think it was *that* bad. 

Watch the third video of "Honey" in my link up above - see if you can finish it without cringing.

A couple others have popped to mind: "American Pie," which drones on, and on, and on; and "Coming Up" - ugh, this is as bad as the contrived "Eye of the Tiger" and its ilk; I'm not even getting into "Welcome Back" and all the TV theme songs from the late 1970s which became hits.

(Anyone who doesn't understand why "American Pie" is on this list isn't old enough to realize just how often it was played on the radio - you couldn't escape it.)

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18 hours ago, DonRocks said:

(Anyone who doesn't understand why "American Pie" is on this list isn't old enough to realize just how often it was played on the radio - you couldn't escape it.)

This is why I HATE black velvet, first I think the lyrics are just plain dumb- how is black velvet a new religion that will bring you to your knees?  But also, in my hometown, you either had to pray you had good enough reception to pick up a Pittsburgh station, or you were stuck with our local station, which played the worst array of music, and this was a favorite for years.

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39 minutes ago, ktmoomau said:

This is why I HATE black velvet, first I think the lyrics are just plain dumb- how is black velvet a new religion that will bring you to your knees?  

Is this not an allegory for Elvis Presley? And the myriad black-velvet paintings of him were essentially like icons?

(It did win the 1991 Grammy Award for Best Female Rock Vocal Performance ... for whatever that's worth.)

I can see "annoying and overplayed"; having just listened to it for the first time; I can't see "worst ever," but I suppose people could say that about "American Pie" (which itself had 4 1972 Grammy nominations) - you had to be there to remember just how much it was on the radio, and those days, there were only about 3-4 FM stations that played rock in the DC area.

Screenshot 2019-07-25 at 11.53.01.png

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Dis Sisqo if you like, but there's always this (if you're a Breaking Bad fan, this is obligatory):

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On the other side of the coin......

Possibly the GREATEST SONG EVER   (if you were a budding young skinny sex starved shy boy, at the Jersey Shore, in the early 1960's.......

 

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7 hours ago, DaveO said:

On the other side of the coin......

Possibly the GREATEST SONG EVER   (if you were a budding young skinny sex starved shy boy, at the Jersey Shore, in the early 1960's.......

Can't relate - never been skinny.

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I don't agree with all of these, but at least it's topical (and mostly correct):

"All Songs Rewind: The Worst Songs of All-Time" on npr.org

And it hints at something people don't like to admit: The Beatles were largely fine and all, but Paul McCartney on his own was often horrific, even by the relaxed standards of popular music (and they don't even mention the cringe-worthy "Coming Up").

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On 8/6/2019 at 6:47 PM, DonRocks said:

I don't agree with all of these, but at least it's topical (and mostly correct):

"All Songs Rewind: The Worst Songs of All-Time" on npr.org

And it hints at something people don't like to admit: The Beatles were largely fine and all, but Paul McCartney on his own was often horrific, even by the relaxed standards of popular music (and they don't even mention the cringe-worthy "Coming Up").

I have at least two of those songs downloaded to my phone.  In my defense, I use one (I'm Blue) to annoy my family.  Totally works.

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20 hours ago, zgast said:

I have at least two of those songs downloaded to my phone.  In my defense, I use one (I'm Blue) to annoy my family.  Totally works.

And the other one is "Brown-Eyed Girl" (which I have no idea why is on the list).

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15 minutes ago, DonRocks said:

And the other one is "Brown-Eyed Girl" (which I have no idea why is on the list).

Africa, actually.  But the cover.

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