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Lost in Translation

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This was sent to me--it is reportedly a computer-translated recipe. Please contribute others, in a similar vein, if you wish. We need all the humor we can find right now.

"Paste with the vongole:

"Ingredients for 4 persons: 300 gr of long paste (spaghetti,

vermicelli), 500 gr of vongole (to choice, veraci or not), 2 segments

of garlic, olive oil spoons, 1 tritato spoon of prezzemolo, knows

them, pepper.

"Scaldate 1 dl of water and, when bubbles, gettatevi a fist of knows

them large. Left to bubble until knows will be melted them. Prepared

3 L of cold water and you become diluted the solution of knows them.

You dip the vongole and leaves them you to rest for approximately 3

hours so that they eliminate the contained sand in the valves.

"Captured the vongole from the water and trasferitele in one frying

pan. Scaldatele to alive fire until will be all open ones, removing

man hand those already opened in order to leave space the others. You

remove the molluschi from the valve and assembles them in one

ciotolina to you.

"If it appeals to, you can leave some vongole to you entire. You

always remember yourselves to discard those that have not been opened.

"Poured on molluschi the liquid contained in the frying pan,

filtering it through a driven in weft strainer that will withhold the

eventual sand remained on the bottom.

"Lessate the paste in abundant salata water while prepared the gravy,

holding account that in order to complete the gravy is necessary

approximately 3 or 4 minuteren. Scaldate the oil in a frying pan and

fatevi to soffriggere the garlic segments sbuccia you and leggermente

it crushes to you.

"When the garlic is gilded, it discards it to you. If preferred, you

can sminuzzare the garlic and leave it in the gravy: it does not make

you to gild it too much since it would become amarognolo.

"Jetties the molluschi in the frying pan with their water and left to

cook to alive fire for a pair of minuteren. Salate leggermente and

joined to the tritato end the prezzemolo. Flavored the paste drained

to the tooth and you add a little milled black pepper to the moment.


"Someone will think 'but because all this traffic, enough to make to

open the vongole directly in the frying pan with the oil and the

garlic.' Yes, but if is sand also in a single vongola is all the

plate that is ruined.

"If preferred the red gravy in (this over is in white man) prepared a

tomato sauce and simply adds the vongole open and removed from the

shell, with their water and continued the baking for little


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I don't have a whole recipe, but a local band we used to go see in college have a song that was apparently inspired by a really sublime mis-translation. The song title?

Remove Bones From Face Before Inserting in Hot Bird

I've always really wanted to see that recipe.

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Christmas Whiskey Cake

1 cup butter

2 cups sugar

6 large eggs

2 teaspoons baking powder

3 cups flour, sifted

1/2 t. salt

1 cup bourbon

1 pound pecans, chopped

3 cups white raisins (or use candied fruit)

1 t. nutmeg


~ a very large bottle of bourbon whiskey ~

First, sample the whiskey to check for quality.

Assemble all of the ingredients. Check the whiskey again.

To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Repeat this step.

Turn on the electric mixer and beat one cup of butter in a large

fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and cream until beat.

Make sure the whiskey is still okay... try another cup.

Turn off the mixer. Beat six leggs and add to the bowl,

then chunk in the cup of dried flut. Mix on the tuner.

Throw in two quarts of flour. Gradually pour in the cow.

Add 2 dried anything.

If the fried druit gets struck in the beaters, pry it loose with

a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey and check it again for tonsistency.

Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares???

Check the whiskey again.

Now sift the nutmeg and strain your nuts. Add one table.

And the spoon. Of whiskee. Or something. Whatever you find left.

Grease the oven.

Turn the crake pan to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Pour the oven into the batter. Throw the bowl out the window.

Lick the batter off the floor.

Bake 300 minutes at 50 degrees.

Finish the blobble of whishy and flow to bed.


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