Worst Food Injuries

[Banco]

Thank you, all. My balls have receded into my pelvic cavity.

[edenman]

I couldn't even say, "I had stitches" and instead had to say "I had stitch."

At least you didn't have to say "I had Sthitch"

I have so far (fingers crossed) avoided injury in the kitchen, except for the occasional minor burn (hey that pan is hot) or nick (oops, that's not the chicken, that's my finger). Of course, I don't actually cook all that frequently, maybe once or twice a week tops.

[Joshua Grinnell]

Jesus... we just got a mandoline as one of our wedding presents and you've all convinced me that I might as well sit on it naked and get it over with.

I also have an "accidentally eating crisco" story that my wife is telling me doesn't count as an injury.

[Sthitch]

Jesus... we just got a mandoline as one of our wedding presents and you've all convinced me that I might as well sit on it naked and get it over with.

You might consider one of these. Since I bought one I have not had any mandoline related injuries.

[Dmnkly]

One actual injury and one near injury, none nearly as gory as the current points leaders, but good stories nonetheless.

The first, a typical chopping accident. Serious, but not ridiculous. Lopped off my left middle fingertip along with a good chunk of nail (worse than it sounds... I bite my fingernails way down). It occured to me that the piece might be large enough to reattach. The problem was that I was rough-chopping garlic and green onions at the time which, like a chunk of digital flesh once removed from its blood supply, are quite white. I had to resort to tasting multiple specimens to determine which was my finger.

I also narrowly averted what surely would have been the winner. I was slicing something with one of those flexible, serrated ginsu fishing knives with the two sharp prongs on the tip. I knocked something onto the floor to my left, and turned and lunged rather quickly -- a horribly unsafe speed, really -- to retrieve it. This is a little difficult to explain, but in the process of making this motion, my right hand, which held the knife, caught on the edge of the counter just as I bent over to retrieve the object, the end result being that my haste and physical bungling had resulted in my face lunging very rapidly and with great force straight towards the two-pronged tip of a ginsu knife that was firmly planted on the counter. Just as my reflexes kicked in and I yanked my head backwards with all my might, I felt the tip of the blade nick my right eyelash. If not for years spent playing video games, I would've lodged that thing deep in my right eye socket. Only later did it occur to me that when the investigators examined my corpse, they would have found me dead on the kitchen floor, a ginsu knife shoved through my eye and deep into my skull, nobody's prints on the kinfe but mine, and all of the doors and windows closed and locked from the inside.

So while I suppose I would have been the winner, none of you ever would have known it.

[Ilaine]

Dropped a brand new Cuisinart blade on my foot, slicing a flap of flesh on my ankle that was 2 inches wide, 2 inches long, and about 1/8 inch deep. Took months to heal and I still limp.

When using a Cuisinart, heed my tale. Remove the blade before tipping out the contents of the bowl.

[Pat]

Soooooo...I'm trying to get things organized. I find a bread knife in a cabinet, a knife I bought probably a year ago and have never taken out of the package. Instead of leaving it somewhere where I keep forgetting it, I'm going to put it with the rest of the knives. I wrangle it out of its hard plastic packaging (with difficulty) and run it under some hot water with soap. I notice it is made in Japan. Ooh, I bet this is good knife. I rub the soap over the metal with my fingers...and nearly remove one of my fingers in the process. Sharp knife. Blood everywhere. I should have used a thick cloth or sponge to do that, not my hands. It's currently bleeding through the fourth level band-aid.

[Toogs]

I used to be a line cook in a craptastic chain restaurant. We served a couple of desserts in these gigantic glass goblets. The stem was maybe 8 inches and the bowl was 32 ounces I think.

Sometimes they just failed and cracked apart when coming out of the dish area. One night the bowl cracked and fell off of the stem, and somehow the dish guy took the stem right through his hand--all the way through. Horrible.

Same restaurant, trainee fry cook didn't understand gravity very well and misplaced the pot he was dumping the old (and still 350ish) fry grease into. Instead when he opened the valve, he drained it right onto his leg. Last day we were allowed to wear shorts, like pants would have helped.

My personal worst mirrors the first post in this thread, but with habaneros.

[janetdwms]

Same restaurant, trainee fry cook didn't understand gravity very well and misplaced the pot he was dumping the old (and still 350ish) fry grease into. Instead when he opened the valve, he drained it right onto his leg. Last day we were allowed to wear shorts, like pants would have helped.

I've also seen some doosies (rather, don'tsees) in restaurants over the years... One involved a stunningly brilliant line cook who thought it'd be a great idea to invert a flat hotel tray over the cooling grease pit so he could stand on it for the purpose of cleaning the hood..... right. Pants didn't help. That was one nasty nasty mess.

At home, my first priority is trying to stay alive, no matter what creation is being whipped up in the kitchen, but things happen. I've got this gas bbq grill that is so old and such a hazzard that it really does need to be condemed. I foolishly continue to use it, even though lighting it requires a blow torch and a lot of courage. I'm still growing back eyebrows...