Don't Do This If You Don't Want Spit In Your Food

[Nadya]

Last night, on a fairly breezy shift. A reservation for 8 under the name of, oh, let's say, Jack Jackson, is on the books, and is the only eight-top on the list. The table has been set and is waiting.

A crowd of people saunters in.

"We have a reservation but we're not sure whose name it's under."

That happens all the time because Really Important Washington People have staff that concerns itself with particulars such as making reservations, picking up dry-cleaning, lining up exotic dancers, etc. Don't get me started on the story of the evening when we got a call from some White House staffer who took tremendous pains to mention that he's calling for directions and it's nothing short of extraordinary because "usually my secretary makes all the reservations and my driver takes me everywhere, but they are both off today."

"How many people in your party?"

"Seven or eight."

"Jackson?"

"Oh yeah!" the party chimes enthusiastically. "That's right!"

The party gets situated and commences browsing menus and wine lists. Hostess returns to ho'stand.

Phone rings, necessitating a break in perusing the Food section.

"How can I help?"

"It's Jack Jackson, my reservation is for 8 people for about right now. I wanted to let you know it's only going to be three people instead of eight, and we're on our way."

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Most restaurants have a limited number of tables that seat large parties. So even on a relatively unbusy night, losing a large table may be a problem. Example: three large tables occupied, the rest of deuce-based seating is being used liberally to give people some breathing space instead of packing'em in cheek to jowl. If another large party walks in, I ain't got no room, even though it's not busy.

In this case, luckily, the party downsized so I didn't need a large table. But if they didn't, and all my other large tables were seated - I'd be drifting down the shit creek with no paddle. And my inner bitch bitterly wished for the original Jackson party to stay at its original size, just so that I could bring them to the table and chirp, "Why, Mr. Jackson! Here's you, seating at the table! Someone call the National Science Foundation! Man found present in two places at once!" And then stand back and observe the confrontation.

It later turned out that the impostors were colleagues of the legitimate party, overheard of their dinner plans, and made an on-a-whim decision to join them. But instead of making a reservation, they decided to Get Cute With Me.

So, not that any of the enlightened folks here would consider this, but I urge you to spread the news. Don't ever steal someone else's reservation. What seems like a nifty, cute prank to you (Look everyone! I can get us in anywhere!) is a potential minefield of embarrassment to the house. Just don't do it. It's wrong.

Edited October 6, 2005 by Nadya

[DCMark]

Try working the guest list at Red or ESL and you will see this 1000x worse!

[crackers]

Try working the guest list at Red or ESL and you will see this 1000x worse!

Red is closing as of October 23.

[Chris W]

Nadya, your story reminds me of one of the best movies ever....Fletch.

"hi my name is John...John Cock-tost-ten."

"I'll take the lobster termador two bottles of Dom Perignon, and a steak sandwich. Put that on the Underhills tab, I fought with him in the war."

[LolaDC]

Nadya, your story reminds me of one of the best movies ever....Fletch.

"hi my name is John...John Cock-tost-ten."

"I'll take the lobster termador two bottles of Dom Perignon, and a steak sandwich.  Put that on the Underhills tab, I fought with him in the war."

Can I borrow your towel? My car just hit a water buffalo.

[TedE]

Nadya, your story reminds me of one of the best movies ever....Fletch.

"hi my name is John...John Cock-tost-ten."

"I'll take the lobster termador two bottles of Dom Perignon, and a steak sandwich.  Put that on the Underhills tab, I fought with him in the war."

"I'll have a Bloody Mary, a steak sandwich, and ... a steak sandwich. Do you have any caviar?"

"Yes, sir, but it is $80 a portion."

"Well, better just make it two then"

[Chris W]

"Give yourselves $20 each and put it on the Underhills"

"Muchos Gracias senior"

"Tiera Del Fuego"

[DCMark]

The last night is Oct 22, a blockbuster. Were you there the night it was announced. Heartbreaking!

Red is closing as of October 23.