Food Failures -- When Things go Horribly Wrong in the Kitchen

[FunnyJohn]

Feeling a Little Down, Poopsy?  Hours of effort in the kitchen not paying off the way you'd hoped?

Therapy

[some of these things may not actually taste that bad, but since we "eat with our eyes"...}

[zoramargolis]

I did not take photos, nor would I do anything other than consign such an abomination to the garbage can. I neglected to follow my own rule on Saturday, when I put a pot of dried kidney beans on the stove with sauteed onion, garlic and a lovingly assembled aromatic herb bundle tied in a leek green but neglected to set a timer to remind me to check it and add more water. I went off to do chores in another part of the house, and because I had remembered to turn on the exhaust fan, I did not smell anything untoward happening. When I did return to the kitchen, not only had the water boiled out, but there was an ugly, charred mess stuck to the bottom of the pot. Nothing to do but scrape out what I could and the baking soda simmer/soak to dislodge the rest. This was my very best All-Clad dutch oven, but (yes) I've done it before, so I knew it would clean up with some work and some Barkeeper's Friend. That left me with the problem of it being mid-late afternoon and no cooked kidney beans for the chili I'd planned to make with the last of the smoked brisket. I did have half the large bag of dried beans I'd opened that morning. And a possible solution. I got the stepladder out, and cleared out the salad bowls, food mill, potato ricer and flour sifter from the front of the top shelf of the cabinet above the oven. And eventually unearthed my old pressure cooker, originally purchased in the 1970's, used often until the early 90's, and last used goodness knows when. It was good quality, Austrian enameled steel, chipped and dinged here and there, but still in reasonable shape. I remembered ordering new gaskets for it, and I must have put a new one on before putting it away far out of reach, because when I examined it, the gasket on the lid was flexible and shiny as new. I figured it was worth the risk--the design is such that the lid can't explode off. The worst that could happen was that the steam would leak and it wouldn't stay at pressure. I covered the beans with water, brought it to a boil and let them soak for half an hour, while I prepared the aromatics. Then I drained the soaking water out, added the aromatics and fresh water, fixed the lid in place and brought it up to pressure, so that the steamcock was gently rocking. I set a timer for half an hour and stayed in the kitchen just to be sure, and cleaned the All-Clad while it cooked. After half an hour, I brought the pressure down under cold running water, and when I opened the lid, I had a pot full of kidney beans cooked just enough to go into the chili pot with the rest of the ingredients, to simmer together for another hour or so. Needless to say, my old friend the blue enamel pressure cooker isn't going back to its place of banishment from my cooking life. I'd forgotten what an amazingly handy tool it is, and it will see regular use again.

[Rieux]

I did not take photos, nor would I do anything other than consign such an abomination to the garbage can. I neglected to follow my own rule on Saturday, when I put a pot of dried kidney beans on the stove with sauteed onion, garlic and a lovingly assembled aromatic herb bundle tied in a leek green but neglected to set a timer to remind me to check it and add more water. I went off to do chores in another part of the house, and because I had remembered to turn on the exhaust fan, I did not smell anything untoward happening. When I did return to the kitchen, not only had the water boiled out, but there was an ugly, charred mess stuck to the bottom of the pot. Nothing to do but scrape out what I could and the baking soda simmer/soak to dislodge the rest. This was my very best All-Clad dutch oven, but (yes) I've done it before, so I knew it would clean up with some work and some Barkeeper's Friend. That left me with the problem of it being mid-late afternoon and no cooked kidney beans for the chili I'd planned to make with the last of the smoked brisket. I did have half the large bag of dried beans I'd opened that morning. And a possible solution. I got the stepladder out, and cleared out the salad bowls, food mill, potato ricer and flour sifter from the front of the top shelf of the cabinet above the oven. And eventually unearthed my old pressure cooker, originally purchased in the 1970's, used often until the early 90's, and last used goodness knows when. It was good quality, Austrian enameled steel, chipped and dinged here and there, but still in reasonable shape. I remembered ordering new gaskets for it, and I must have put a new one on before putting it away far out of reach, because when I examined it, the gasket on the lid was flexible and shiny as new. I figured it was worth the risk--the design is such that the lid can't explode off. The worst that could happen was that the steam would leak and it wouldn't stay at pressure. I covered the beans with water, brought it to a boil and let them soak for half an hour, while I prepared the aromatics. Then I drained the soaking water out, added the aromatics and fresh water, fixed the lid in place and brought it up to pressure, so that the steamcock was gently rocking. I set a timer for half an hour and stayed in the kitchen just to be sure, and cleaned the All-Clad while it cooked. After half an hour, I brought the pressure down under cold running water, and when I opened the lid, I had a pot full of kidney beans cooked just enough to go into the chili pot with the rest of the ingredients, to simmer together for another hour or so. Needless to say, my old friend the blue enamel pressure cooker isn't going back to its place of banishment from my cooking life. I'd forgotten what an amazingly handy tool it is, and it will see regular use again.

I had a similar experience last week when making tuscan white bean and kale soup. I forgot to soak the beans, and also forgot to start cooking early in the day, so there was zero chance that the dried cannellini beans I had bought would be cooked enough before dinner.  20 minutes later with the use of the pressure cooker and dinner was saved.  I've only had it a year, but it really is handy.

[Pat]

Feeling a Little Down, Poopsy?  Hours of effort in the kitchen not paying off the way you'd hoped?

Therapy

[some of these things may not actually taste that bad, but since we "eat with our eyes"...}

A lot of it is the photography, I'm sure, though many of those plates look rather...goopy (and not in the "goop" way).  One of my favorite regular food blogs has not-so-appetizing photography.  (I won't name it because I like the blog and don't want to be insulting.)

It's odd, because I know the food must be delicious, and photos of the family pets (no connection  ) that appear on the blog are pretty good.  Food photography can be pretty tricky.

[The Hersch]

 Food photography can be pretty tricky.

The real trick is knowing when not to post a photograph.

[FunnyJohn]

I think most of us who have cooked many meals have experienced the "forgot about it and it burned" problem.  The difference between that kind of disaster and the apparent ones on this website is that the website seems to feature intentional violence to ingredients.

[zoramargolis]

Sorry, I can't relate to people who take perverse pride in producing unappetizing food, and want others to see. But this thread provides an opportunity to share chagrin over the occasional kitchen catastrophe.

[Pat]

I think most of us who have cooked many meals have experienced the "forgot about it and it burned" problem.  The difference between that kind of disaster and the apparent ones on this website is that the website seems to feature intentional violence to ingredients.

Or it might just show what people actually eat.  People put ketchup on a lot of interesting things, it seems.  Some of the photos didn't actually look that bad when I clicked on the specific ones.  Other people seem to be a bit cooking-impaired but trying.  There was one photo from someone who cooked 3 chicken drumsticks in the center of a lasagna pan and green beans around the perimeter.  The beans were that olive color that comes from long-cooking.  They might have started out canned too, but it seemed like it might have been someone's effort at a healthy meal  .

I don't think my food photos are that good, which is why I rarely post them.