Joe Riley Posted August 29, 2005 Share Posted August 29, 2005 My friend David Raines, of Gordon's in Waltham, Mass, is obviously in a silly mood today. His Daily Flash for today is a complete hoot. It made me look askance at my bowl of Total, that's for sure (Moderators: I posted this here because of the nature of the parody, and the fact that it comes from a wine merchant. If it belongs elsewhere, please feel free to move it.) The Gordon's Daily Flash: Monday August 29, 2005This morning's scrambled eggs are an artful if not entirely original blend of whipped fresh local large browns, grated Parmesan, and cold low fat (2%) milk. Browned lightly in just melted butter they exhibit aromas of field herbs, scorched earth, 10W30 motor oil and newly laundered 200 thread count all cotton pillow cases. 88 POINTS Remarkably, Tropicana has followed yesterday's stunningly successful Original Style (no pulp) charmer with an even more intensely flavored beauty featuring abundant amounts of pineapple, paint thinner, pop corn and just a soupçon of a hauntingly grapefuit-like extra kick of tartness leading to what must be a 30 seconds plus finish. This total hedonistic turn-on will be at its best for the next few days and should be consumed before Sept. 9, 2005. 90 POINTS The talented, hard-working Mrs. Avocado added a sexy concoction of drip brewed Sumatran Abilja, stiff-beaten fresh heavy cream, sugar, and just a scant half teaspoon of vanilla to the bright smile and radiant personality she brought to the table this morning. Reveling in a rich mixture of hot asphalt, charred balsa, caramelized rabe of broccoli, and grandma's holiday ginger cake scents, this long and sumptuously textured brew boasts a full-throttle, horse-collar tackle of finely hewn flavors and a welcome wheel-spinning pure cafeine buzz. 93 POINTS Sadly few Americans can indulge themselves in a morning bowl of our country's favorite frozen treat, but the stupefyingly rich Ben & Jerry's Chocolate-Raspberry Swirl (an awesome follow-up to last week's blockbuster effort) boasts compellingly detailed notes of scorched earth, asian spices, wet bird's nest, and patent leather garter belts (specifically those from the famed Parisian lingerie firm Aubade), and rewards those unafraid of a few hundred mid-morning calories with its huge body, dense texture and marvelous integration of pure cane sugar sweetness, monstrously creamy opulence and stunningly icy je ne sais quoi, (not to mention its astonishing elegance and 35 cents off mail in coupon). This is a 9.9 on the Richter scale, a cascade of hedonistic gratification of an intensity most often found only in felonious associations with tantric professionals in certain mountain villages in northeasternmost Burma (or so I'm told). I have not been provided with pricing information, but for an experience as close to perfection as this, I would estimate most long-time readers would reckon this blockbuster offering a very great bargain at anything less than $50 to $60 per pint. 99 POINTS -David Raines Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olivia255 Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 Hilarious! Does this guy have a website? Newsletter? What? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Riley Posted March 18, 2006 Author Share Posted March 18, 2006 This looks extremely well-done to me: http://thepour.blogs.nytimes.com/ I'm hoping to do something similar when we get our website launched (sometime this month. I hope.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonRocks Posted June 30, 2006 Share Posted June 30, 2006 I fear that Dave put my name right next to the title so that Google will display both together in the search results... nevertheless: Click. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonRocks Posted July 8, 2006 Share Posted July 8, 2006 Separated at birth? Tunnel plot ringleader Hassem Ammoud Wine writer Dave McIntyre Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Slater Posted July 8, 2006 Share Posted July 8, 2006 I fear that Dave put my name right next to the title so that Google will display both together in the search results...nevertheless: Click. Cool, Dave. Now any time someone Googles "monkey farts", my name comes up. Thanks a pantload, dude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DanCole42 Posted July 8, 2006 Share Posted July 8, 2006 Cool, Dave. Now any time someone Googles "monkey farts", my name comes up. Thanks a pantload, dude. Thanks for all the advice, BTW. Trust me. There are far worse things than "monkey farts" to have your name associated with in a search engine. Do you have any idea how many people got in touch with me because they heard there was a "Dan Cole 5k Memorial Race"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmwine Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 Separated at birth? Good thing I shaved my beard years ago. My wife, BTW, thinks that guy looks nothing like me. Cheers, Hassem Cool, Dave. Now any time someone Googles "monkey farts", my name comes up. Thanks a pantload, dude. Glad to help, Mark! I never really thought of that, to tell the truth. But I just googled "monkey farts" and found several references to scented candles and bath salts , plus one Seamus Kennedy, but no mention of you. Perhaps we need to generate a lot of hits on my blog to boost the Web traffic .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winecompass Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 At wine-compass.com we just added a link for DC wine retailers on our Wine Info page. Our list is practically empty (just one store), so we are looking for good suggestions. Please include the store name, address, phone number, and hours, web address and email - if these last three are available. We are also taking suggestions for Maryland and Virginia retailers; let us know as well. Thanks for your help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Riley Posted March 14, 2007 Author Share Posted March 14, 2007 (Whistles innocently to self....) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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