I wait tables two nights a week, in addition to my FT position for an investments firm. I am amazed at how terribly servers are treated by many of the well-to-do patrons my restaurant receives. Please and Thank You are seldom used and, to me, have become cherished as something beautiful and rare.
I had a table last week of four 50-somethings. They did not acknowledge me as I said hello and filled their waters, they did not acknowledge me as I read the specials, they did not acknowledge me as I brought their complimentary bread...then their entrees...filled their drinks...etc. You get the picture. It had gotten to the point where I was saying to my colleagues, "I would be willing to give up the tip for JUST ONE THANK YOU...or, at least, a nod of their head. Something to acknowledge my presence. I feel like I'm their dog."
When they SILENTLY gave me their credit card to run, I smiled, thanked them and took it to the front. And noticed that the card was issued by the same financial firm with whom I'm employed. When I brought the slip to the table, I told them this. And noticed a palpable change in their attitudes. All of a sudden, I'd grown a white collar and was deemed suitable for engagement. Every person at the table smiled warmly and thanked me profusely as I left the checkbook on the table and walked away. When I returned to see if they wanted coffee refills, one pointed at each of his dining companions to check their status, before thankfully declining. It was an obvious difference in their treatment of me, and I was horrified.
I'm not a perfect server, but I am a good one. Mainly because I care. But the attitudes I've encountered over the years have begun to break me down, bit by bit. Someone who interrupts my greeting with their drink order may not get the same level of service as the table who smiles at me and ask me how I am doing. I still care about doing a good job and making the customer happy, but I can also relate to those that do this full time, and have taken more abuse for longer periods of time...servers who may no longer give 110% to customers who come across as demanding or unappreciative at the start. For every nice person we encounter, there are two who mistreat us, undertip us, scowl at us, berate us. And it does affect you a bit.
***Oh and, by the way, I blurted out "You Guys" once when greeting a table, was immediately horrified by my slip and apologized profusely. Luckily, they laughed and said they don't mind that greeting whatsover.