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Lance Smackdown


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The plain Captain's Wafers were standard in any basket of breads and crackers in restaurants when I grew up in NC. They were cello-packed in 2s. I ADORED them. Salty-sweet-creamy crackers. They don't seem to be available locally, not even in Harris Teeter, unless you buy them sandwiched with cream cheese and chives.

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Toastchee, for sure. Since it has complex carbohydrates and has peanut butter, it's actually healthy for you -- as opposed to the cookies and stuff. It's the round part of a square meal.

It should be noted that atmosphere adds a lot to the flavor and that all Lance products taste best when bought from a vending machine in a little brick shelter at an aging gas station on the two-lane, just upwind of the dubious but ultimately (barely) acceptable restrooms.

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