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Today's edition of donrockwell.com is brought to you by Finesse-a-Fart, a new medically approved, pushbutton-activated, remote-controlled device that gently, discretely, and temporarily widens the anal crevice, greatly reducing the potential for embarrassing skin flap during covert public discharge. Our deluxe models (*) include an advanced, NASA-tested, carbon-filtration system for maximum discretion. Results vary by individual; performance not guaranteed. Potential side effects include localized irritation, swelling, distension, elevated heart rate, panic, entrapment, temporary incongruence, rebound pucker, unwanted erection (in males), and in rare instances, mild electric shock.

(*) Super-deluxe model features our patented Molecular-Throw ™ technology that, when used correctly in conjunction with pelvic yaw, is capable of producing an across-the-room “ventriloquist” effect, further shifting suspicion away from the perpetrator. Not intended for use in elevators. Brochure sold separately.

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