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Unfortunate Cocktails and Lethal Shots


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I ran across an item on the Internet about shots designed to produce, um, shall we say, emesis.

This got me to thinking that, with all of the brave and adventurous souls here on this board, there is probably a goldmine of untapped beverage horror to recall and share.

My own worst experience came from what I dubbed the "Jaeger-schlager" (1/2 Jaegermeister, 1/2 Goldschlager) which I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

For the record, here is what was on the list (plus a couple of added ones):

Drinks / Shots That Will Make You Puke

* The Stinger ( or Stanger ) - A shot of Vladdy (*EDIT - I'm guessing Vladimir vodka?) in a glass of Natty (or Natty Ice)(*EDIT - could that be National Bohemian beer, a.k.a. Natty-Bo?).

* 252 - Half 151, Half Wild Turkey. Total puke through your nose - the kind that burns for hours.

* Three Wisemen - Jack, Johnny and Jim. The three J’s of death. Surprisingly, this shot tastes better coming back up. True Story.

* Cement Mixer - Fill one shot glass with Bailey’s. Fill second shot glass with Lime and 151. Shake you mouth back and forth and let the good times roll. I had this on my buddy’s 21st and it was absolutely terrible, especially since I had to chew it down.

* Motor Oil - A shot of bourbon mixed with Hershey’s Syrup. You can’t get this one at most bars as they don’t usually carry Hersey’s syrup. While it might sound tasty, it’s far from it.

* Prairie Fire - Tequila and Tabasco sauce. It will put some hair on your ass no doubt.

* Poop Dollar - This is an original, although I am not sure who came up with it. We went out for a friends birthday and made this ridiculous shot called the Poop Dollar. Knob Creek, Bailey’s and Jager. Gives the shot a nice “feces brown” color. Hey, THERES POOP ON THAT DOLLAR!

* Four Horsemen - 151, Rumple Minz, Cuervo and Jager. Alone, they are nasty but when mixed they make you orgasm. Seriously.

* High Crown - 10 High Whiskey + Crown Russe Vodka. While I have never had this one, it can’t be that bad. Crown Russe goes down easy with anything…

* Jager chased with some chest hair - Another original. Nothing beats some Jager from the chest with some nipple hair to add some texture. Barf.

Conquistador - Tequila and milk. Almost puked from the idea of drinking it.

Colombian Carbomb- Shot of tequila dropped into a glass of Corona. (*EDIT - since both ingredients are Mexican, it's curious why this would be called the Colombian Carbomb

So, what concoctions have churned your guttyworks into gastrointestinal insurgency?

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I can attest to the Three Wisemen and Four Horsemen. Truly vile with no redeeming qualities whatsoever. I think that applies to any combination of tequila + X, though. Some of those are totally mild by comparison (Cement Mixer? Tastewise it's tolerable, but the texture does people in I guess).

Some real horror stories? I need to dig some up from the depths of high school (ahem) ingenuity. There was one we dubbed the "Swamp Foot" from a particularly disturbing commercial on local TV at the time. Kiwi-Lemon MD 20/20 and OJ were involved, that's about all you need to know. In fact we had a whole series of Mad Dog inspired "cocktails". I seriously had them written down somewhere. This was about the same era that I lost most of my bangs in an errant flaming 151 incident. Ah, youth!!

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I have a friend who would never puke, and one night he was nice and drunk and was being rather insufferable, so I bet him $20 (quite a sum of money back in the day). So I went behind his father's bar, and started to mix. What I remember is that there was Jameson's, Pepe Lopez, Sambuca, peach schnapps and milk. This was a nasty curdled mess, and I won the $20.

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Jager + Schlager = liquid cocaine

Jager + Rumplemintz=liquid heroin

Jager + Vodka + splash of Cranberry (numerous recipes)=Red-headed Slut

Jager + Redbull=Jager-bomb

Yes, I did used to bartend, and yes, i was hung-over a lot...

Dave "Anything but Jager" Batista

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The signature cocktail of St. Thomas USVI:

The Bushwhacker*:

Throw ice in blender, top with,

1.5 oz rum, vodka, gin and tequila

1 oz tia maria and frangelica (some variations here. Just put in a couple sweet liqueurs)

A couple healthy glugs of Coco Lopez.

Take it for a whir.

*To demonstrate your local knowledge, mention that the drink is named after that particular group of deviants on St Thomas who hide behind a bush until they see a pretty woman walk by. At that point they jump out in front of the woman and begin furiously masturbating.

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Jager + Schlager = liquid cocaine

Jager + Rumplemintz=liquid heroin

Jager + Vodka + splash of Cranberry (numerous recipes)=Red-headed Slut

Jager + Redbull=Jager-bomb

Yes, I did used to bartend, and yes, i was hung-over a lot...

Dave "Anything but Jager" Batista

Strangely enough I hate all those drinks, but Jager + Malibu + Pineapple = surfer on acid I adore and so does everyone else- probably because you can't taste the Jager. I use Jager in a lot of cocktails I'm creating at the moment because it adds a wonderful anise flavor- though I'm only using a half shot or so in a 6 oz cocktail.

As far as something I've had someone else take because she "really loved vermouth" 2 oz shot of Dry Vermouth + Sweet Vermouth mixed equally. I call it a washer and dryer.

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One evening when I was a lad in college, my roomies and some friends and I sat in a circle on the floor passing around a bottle of tequila, and then another one. I did so many shots of tequila I had to stagger to the bathroom to puke. Does that count?
If you chased it with strawberry milk I think it would count.
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Azami's old roommate once wanted a White Russian, but they had no cream in the apartment. What they did have was the icy, freezer-burned remains of a carton of Haagen-Dazs strawberry ice cream. Into the Black Russian it went, resulting in an undrinkable chunky, frothy, pink-and-brown concoction. We named it, of course, but neither the drink nor the name should ever be repeated.

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The Hairy Buffalo:

Only ingredient is a non-porous bar mat found at approximately 3 am. Gently lift bar mat, tilt corner to glass, let all of the excess/spilled liquor from the night run into said glass, drink. Sometimes the soapy taste is actually a good thing....

Also, the Oatmeal Cookie:

Jager

Goldschlager

Baileys

Tastes remarkably like a burning, searing oatmeal cookie.

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Captain Oliver's Dinghy Dock bar in St Maarten has been a favorite hangout for us whenever we go sailing in the Leeward Islands (on a culinary tangent, this is where much of Anthony Bourdain's book, "Going Bamboo", takes place). Last year, we made friends with the barkeeps who kept giving us free shots of absinthe, as well as a particularly nasty shooter they called Duck Farts, made from equal parts JD, Amaretto, and Bailey's. I noticed that whenever we did either the Duck Farts or the absinthe, they would just drink Jack. We kept this up until 4am. Good times.....

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Captain Oliver's Dinghy Dock bar in St Maarten has been a favorite hangout for us whenever we go sailing in the Leeward Islands (on a culinary tangent, this is where much of Anthony Bourdain's book, "Going Bamboo", takes place). Last year, we made friends with the barkeeps who kept giving us free shots of absinthe, as well as a particularly nasty shooter they called Duck Farts, made from equal parts JD, Amaretto, and Bailey's. I noticed that whenever we did either the Duck Farts or the absinthe, they would just drink Jack. We kept this up until 4am. Good times.....

Alright, two things come to mind here. First, we used to have these ridiculous end of the fall-season parties for rugby in college. Somewhere along the line a tradition got started for the older team leaders to carry around bottles of Tenley brand tequila and a bottle of tabasco to interrupt any underclassmen attempts at wooing the opposite sex with an impromptu prairie fire. No glass either, shot of each and then swish. I would have said this was cruel hazing but I don't really know any upperclassmen who didn't match each underclass shot while doing their best to maintaain an unfazed look just to let them know who was boss.

Second is a story from the Black Cat back when it was still the Cage. This was in the height of our hard drinking years and we heard they had an all you could drink special for $10 from 9-midnight on Saturday. We took this as a challenge and after a morning game and quick showers we all started "pregaming". Well, all we had was a case of steel reserve 40's and a flat of Foster's oil cans. 6 of us polished off the 40's (yes that's 2 apiece) while the others plowed through the Fosters. There were about 8-9 guys and one girlfriend. (typical) We showed up in this state at the Cage right on the dot. Actually 5 minutes to nine. Completely dead. They didn't even have the door charge table and cash drawer set up so we had to wait. We got in and I am pretty sure they had more bartenders than we had people. It was like this until about 10:30 (from what I can remember).

Anyways here is the shot part, I was standing next to the girlfriend and she asked the bartender for sex on the beach or some equivalent. I didn't really hear. I came over and asked for one of whatever she had ordered. This was overheard by two of my friends who instantly began chastizing me for my less than masculine order. The chided me until one of them came up with the idea that I should drink something manly to make up for it. They asked the bartender for the manliest drink he could think of. I think for pure entertainment sake this guy nearly tops off a rocks glass with a mixture of rail tequila, rail gin and Old Crow. I managed to choke it down and they decided they felt bad and both knocked one back also. Needless to say my memory of the night ended very shortly after that.

Not proud but it is a part of my past and I can't deny it.

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Earned thai-chili steeped moonshine stripes by the grace of a shifty Turkish tree-house hosteler during a liquor-lubed game of backgammon. Super Capsicum Kool-aid did not make it very far down the gullet. Peristalsis went “tilt!!”. Puked hard. Real hard. Jettisoned the hooch, day's pomegranate sustenance and any euphoria from the fiery maw; hot snot and repressed childhood memories of past lives through the sniffer. Angrily flailed a limber fist of dice at whichever Ottoman solar deity had so hastily bottled juice of the sun with whole pieces. Felt as if my sinuses and throat had been planed with a steel brush then lacquered in acetone. Tear ducts were cauterized. Haven't been able to cry since.

...go sailing ...absinthe...Good times.....
Friend and I hitched rides on sailboats in the 2002 Cutty Sark Tall Ships race. Ballast of the Czech 35' sloop was 14 cases of bohemian beer and 30 bottle landfall wet bar with esoteric elixirs ranging from wretched Bundaberg rum to tippy-top-shelf Kallnacher Swiss “white” absinthe. 98' sloop “Antwerp Flyer” was sponsored by Duvel, had a deep fryer and the seafarer before me paid passage with 60lbs of milk, dark and white Belgian chocolate. Heady times on the high seas, three jibs to the wind.
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