Michael Landrum

I believe the exemption from my above post applies (if someone strives to be the Michael Bay of the restaurant world, who are we to stop them?): I wonder if anyone involved in the media frenzy remembers V--can I say it?--probably the worst steakhouse ever. (My hostility here is Pynchon-based, not competitor-based).

Plus, it helps propagate the species over a greater geographic range...

I read in FoodService Monthly that he has signed a lease, I believe, on a second location here already. Will asking if Zentan wasn't the name of the wish machine in Big get this post deleted, Don?

You are assuming I have a mind. Maintenance, repairs, equipment installation at 1725 Wilson Monday and Tuesday. It is impossible to describe how beat up we get everyday just trying to keep up with the crowds. That "not too crowded" Monday (the Monday after a holiday weekend)? Ohh, 600 people. On any given day, at different times throughout the day, we may be serving at 1713, 1725 or both, depending on the day, time, and cleaning and prep schedules. As far as the Catch goes, it is impossible to make any plans--for anything--at all right now due to the ongoing insanity. Impending reviews don't help matters at all (in fact, have once again forced me to cancel whatever little time off I was planning to take this summer)--especially since based on his questions, I am sure that Tom Sietsema is going to bring up that whole fallacious "time limit" thing that his little network of spies and the chronically aggrieved love to bitch to him about, thereby encouraging people to come poke the bears. Of course, they are always so shocked when they find out that this bear has learned how to pick the lock on his cage. It's always so funny how bullies turn into the biggest cry babies, and liars, when denied their right to threaten and bully. You'd think that Tom would know that by now before he give credence to their whinging. It's enough to make me want to put on some moose antlers and head up to Wasilla. Or to set up a web site and change from Invision 2.0 to Invision 3.0. Arrrgh. I'd really hate to have to stop taking reservations again. By the way, glad the Hell-Burgers didn't suck.

Rock with you Those are still my best moves on the dancefloor. You know that rock survives so we can dance forever. So happy. Actually...

Hmmm...and how long is the process of editing a manuscript from the time it is submitted until it is published? I guess it depends on whether you view a restaurant the way you view a blockbuster Hollywood movie--all about the stars, glamorous premieres, and the boffo opening weekend box-office--or more like a play, where the cast, director, audience and playwright are constantly interacting, evolving, re-writing and improvising--and a thing of enduring value comes into being with time. Of course, a play requires knowledge, intelligence and patience from the participant-viewer. Don't tell me you've come to value the former over the latter. Ryan Seacrest over Hilton Als? Gene Shalit over Pauline Kael? And who aspires to be the restaurant world's James Agee? (I mean besides the drinking). And yes, the agenda to publish a review as soon as possible and to rush to publish every piece of insider news and gossip is in direct conflict with the long-term health of restaurant, unless it is a hyper-capitalized, PR-driven and media-manipulating vehicle for star-fucking. It also cheapens the profession of critic. To bring it back on topic, don't all those complaints in the first three days seem silly, now that Don is fixing them one by one? A little time to let things work out is all I am advocating--especially when those complaints will most likely appear as criticism of the host, or worse, thoughtless petulance.

Food for thought: How soon is too soon to criticize a website? Here is a question that is often asked about restaurants and is typically answered with a mix of patience, intolerance, forbearance, outrage and understanding. I have always maintained that it is unprofessional and irresponsibly agenda-driven for a professional food critic to review a restaurant before it has been in operation for at least six months. However, a diner should judge his experience solely on his own criteria--but he should avoid new restaurants if he is adverse to or intolerant of service glitches or imprecise cooking or presentation. It is up to the restaurant to gauge satisfaction on an individual basis and to be more generous in finding ways to compensate for imperfect performance. From my point of few, the question is always begged: How much did you suck at your first six months in your job/profession? How lame were you as a freshman in high school, and then again in college? How inept or terrified were you as a parent those first few weeks/months? How much did your first recital/speech/presentation/performance blow? How clean were your underpants afterward? Now a restaurant provides a service and collects money for it, so the standards should be pretty high from day one. Of course, in the restaurant business we witness a good deal of neediness from guests, even on day one, since we are providing a service. How disheartening, then, sad really, has it been to me to witness the cavilling and neediness and impatience surrounding the minor inconveniences caused by the switch to a new site format. If Don is so miserably failing in his efforts to provide what is, after all, a free service whose only expense comes at his expense, as well as the efforts of the various volunteers, and if so little regard is afforded to, or assistance offered in, his labors, what chance do any of us have at pleasing any public?

Why should we help you? We help you plenty with our suggestions. More than you deserve. Just make it work! Jeeez. What is wrong with you?

Don-- Invision will no longer pick up my dry cleaning for me, calculate my taxes, respond to the many e-mails I receive from Paris Hilton begging me to go out with her, program the telemetry for the replica Vergeltungswaffe 2 rockets I am building in my basement in preparation for the upcoming Sietsema review, or find my binky. Not only that, I now have to turn my computer on and off myself. Thanks a lot for the "downgrade." Since the site will no longer do these things for me, perhaps you could take care of these chores for me. In fact, I kind of expect it. Can't you do anything right? You know, you could be a little more appreciative of the time I spend here. Cheers, Michael

"LOCATION: Zoso Flats Bldg" Awesome!

Hey Don-- Just a quick question out of curiosity: How much does the hosting and other services on Invision cost?

In other Drakkar Noir-related news, a gram of coke recently purchased at Sesto Senso, weighing approximately .52 grams, was found to actually contain trace amounts of cocaine. Neither the purchaser, 38-year "Sammy" B., nor 18-year old Amber-Crystal C., whom he hoped to seduce with said coke, noticed any decrease in the pain and sadness of living despite the presence of actual cocaine in the ingested powder. Authorities have no explanation as to how the trace amounts of the potent chemical compound may have found their way into the coke. Despite later passing out from too much Red Bull and vodka, friends report that Amber-Crystal eventually arrived safely at the home of her parents, both geologists, having avoided sexual assault by a propitious case of passenger-seat vomiting while on the way to "Sammy" B.'s Van Dorn Street apartment.

Traffic was disrupted and the spread of HPV slightly diminished when an otherwise harmless fire broke out at Paolo's in Georgetown. Authorities believe a miasmic cloud of Drakkar Noir, accumulating in the rafters of Paolo's since the early '90's, reached critical mass and ignited from a spark generated by the collision of two gold-plate chains believed to be solid 14 karat by their owners, a mortgage salesman and a salon receptionist. More details reported here.

I wonder if it's on the menu at their Parker Meridien location as well.

Sam, Marvin, Jackie, Tammie, Biggie, Pac, Big Pun, now Michael, time to join the Night Shift

Indeed. Now is the perfect time to dig in to the superior and delectable burgers at Palena, Central, and, possibly my new favorite, Vidalia. Actually, for those keeping score, the demand increased by (only) about 25% in the immediate aftermath of President Obama's visit--but previously we were already operating at three times the level for which the space was designed and can reasonably accommodate. Now we are managing at four times that level. Expanding to the old Ray's The Steaks location hasn't really helped--kinda like adding a new lane on the Beltway, traffic just gets busier. (Now that I mention it, I am getting to feel a little bit like Monsieur Hulot). Another great idea is to fire up the Weber, pulse some 50-50 Chuck-Sirloin blend in the Cuisinart, and then spend the time waiting sipping on some Rolling Rocks. Edited to add better link Edited to add an even better one

Really? I don't think it is an absurd trend--that is, as long as the Pad Thai costs at least $32 and features head-on day boat prawns and the Kung Pao Chicken is a whole deep-fried bird carved table-side for $22 a person/minimum 3 people. Of course, gold leaf must be embedded in the noori, or it is indeed absurd.

Inappropriate dress, I said, not behavior. DC behavioral norms still manage to be boorish, thuggish, grabby and whiny all at the same time, and I have as little tolerance for that as always.

As not only a guest chef, but as someone who has spent many years playing host to guests in many circumstances, I can say one thing that would perhaps explain my relaxed approach to the question of appropriate dress in restaurants: there are hundreds of reasons why someone may be dressed inappropriately at a restaurant. Boorishness is only one, and of the hundreds the only one which maybe should be judged harshly, if at all. All others should elicit and engender sympathy and understanding, not scorn. It could be a difference in racial/cultural/geographic experience or expectations. It could be a business traveler or tourist with lost luggage. It could simply be a family in an unfamiliar city who unknowingly wandered into the "wrong place" because they were hungry and tired, as if there ever should be such a place in the hospitality business. It could be someone who read about a wonderful, must-try restaurant on donrockwell.com and didn't realize he would be unwelcome there based on his apparel. It could be, as is sometimes my case, a family member with severe mental illness who does not always manage to arrange himself "properly", but usually does behave well--should he only experience "lesser" restaurants? I am sure every one here has a story of finding himself, for whatever reason, unexpectedly or unavoidably inappropriately dressed. Without knowing why, precisely, the individual is not dressed appropriately--and who can ever know that?--judgement should be reserved, and all efforts should be made, by the restaurant staff as well as surrounding diners to make that person feel as comfortable as possible. Trust me, except in the case of the boor, the offending party already feels as much shame, embarrassment and mortification as you would probably like him/it to feel for being out of place. As to the whole Cary Grant/Mad Men thing, I am sure in those days anyone committing the offense of wearing a suit with padded shoulders would be treated to the same scorn felt towards those wearing jeans today. That being said, as some may have seen first-hand, when I am out doing some daytime drinking, on my way to the club, or out on a date with a young lady of what some would call questionable morals (but believe me, there is never any question in my mind) I may be wearing a sweat suit or a jeans outfit that costs much, much more than my suits from Brooks Bros., Hart, Schaffner and Marx or Hickey-Freeman, but that doesn't mean I am going to try to go to Citronelle, Bourbon Steak or even the Source dressed that way. I do however, appreciate that in jeans I may be welcome at Central, Proof and Komi, or in the hotel version of Corduroy. In fact, over the years those restaurants with a dress code or of a certain atmosphere have lost literally thousands of dollars in spontaneous business from me on nights when I found myself out and wanting a good meal but not dressed for the occasion--so I do agree that everyone who knows better and who has a choice under the circumstances should make the effort to dress appropriately and respectfully or choose his dining options to suit. But again, I always say, when I am out with people I like I never notice how long I have to wait for a table, how long it takes the waiter to get my drink, or what the people around me are wearing. It's only when I am out with people I don't like that I notice those things.

Actually, the story most attributed to Coolidge is that behind the Coolidge Principle, whereby a farmer is giving a tour of his award winning (then) modern husbandry facilities and proudly proclaims to Mrs. Coolidge that his prized stud bull "gets the job done" up to twenty times a day. She says to the farmer, "Perhaps you could mention that to President Coolidge (who was following slightly behind)?" When the farmer does so, the President asks, "Now tell me, is it the same cow twenty times a day, or twenty new ones each time?" "Why, twenty new ones," the farmer replies. "Then tell that to Mrs. Coolidge."

This whole thread calls to mind the apocryphal story of Jackie Kennedy who, while hosting a dinner at the White House, noticed that a guest was drinking from her fingerbowl. Rather than let the guest be ridiculed for her ignorance, Mrs. Kennedy then drank from hers. Some use this story as the definition of true manners and class. Others would insist on their right to judge and find fault. It may be wrong to dress inappropriately in a restaurant, but it is a far greater trespass to judge. What I'd like to see is a real discussion on the violations of behavioral codes in restaurants that pass without comment, judgement, or outrage. I have witnessed many well dressed figures browbeat, insult, denigrate and demean simple hostesses, servers and busboys--often with a real, vicious rage--just because they feel they can. (Rarely have I seen this from someone wearing jeans and a T-shirt, by the way). That is where the real cause for alarm lies, for those who fear the collapse of civilization.

What everyone seriously needs to do is to get to Vidalia as soon as possible and avail themselves of the three course lunch special. $19.90 for some of the best and most beautiful food I have had in a while. Drink well and tip generously to assuage the guilt you will be feeling for such a ridiculous steal.

Speaking of dirty pool...

Ha ha, Mr. Parts. TV party tonight!

What we all need to do here, before this discussion continues any further, is first, to decide with whom we identify: Judge Smails-click Al Czervix-click Ty Webb-click Danny Noonan Carl Spackler-click, click Spaulding-click Lacy Underalls-click Maggie O'Houlihan Mitch Kumstein Dr. Beeper Once you have determined your sympathies, announce them at the start of your comments, and then espouse the view which corresponds to the relevant character. Like in all things, life is merely a macrocosm for Bushwood Country Club, and the truth lies herein.