Michael Landrum

You may want to see my edited version above and reconsider your admitting this...

Carmichael's. The place for psychologically disturbed underage drinking and anger-fueled casual sex in the early '80's.

Quick update: Hell Burger will be closing at 6. Ray's: The Steaks is taking reservations until 8 or so, but will continue serving later as necessary. The krazy kids up in Silver Spring are going ahead and opening up for a limited service--call (301) LUV-RAYS for exact information.

The flames of Hell are still burning strong to welcome the intrepid, hungry and insane. Ray's: The Steaks will be opening early and closing early. Ray's: The Classics is on stand-by for an unlikely limited opening. Please call 703/841-7297 for information on all three before heading out. Don't forget to check in on your neighbors, especially the elderly, the infirm and those who are known drink themselves unconscious even on normal days.

The flames of Hell are burning strong, the hot chocolate is free, and the wine splits suck. Open now, we are expecting to close earlier than normal tonight if the snow doesn't let up. Same deal for Sunday, barring power outages. Great chance to pummel me with snowballs while I shovel the walks. Ray's: The Steaks will open today and tomorrow. Ray's: The Classics is closed. Walk or Metro. Please no one drive.

Goofy 4 AM one-liners? Bull shit Don! You delete my posts because they are funnier than anything you could come up with! Or ballsier than you've got the guts for! Oh, and my wine splits suck.

I was approached for a "personal profile" which in my mind, based on such profiles in the New Yorker, Harper's and Atlantic Monthly, seek to explain and de-mystify the complicated motives and difficult personalities that lead to public misconceptions--even with, or especially with, unsympathetic characters--rather than re-hash old controversies. Oh, and my wine splits suck.

You are right...as a very wise person explained to me, "It's always hard to read about yourself."

I know poor Jane is shaking in her shoes waiting to hear what I post about this article, but I will only say this: This article is in no way the piece that I was asked to give an interview for. This article in no way reflects the interview I gave. I have no idea who the fuck Shallah Jewel is or what his relationship is to the Post for him to be quoted in this article. In addition to the family I lost in death camps, my adoptive mother (while serving in the army in Israel) was orphaned at the age of four in 1944.and after surviving death camps and DP camps herself lost her eldest son, an officer in the Golani Brigade's commando unit, at the age of 19, just as my sister lost her eldest son at the same age on December 31st of 2009 (a fact only relevant because it was while after his funeral that Jane reached me to arrange her interview). While living in Tel Aviv, I lived next door to a synagogue where I was daily ambushed to pray, having not been raised Jewish, in order to fill the minyan--which never reached beyond 7 or 8 (allowed under these circumstances)--because the members of the congregation, tattoo'ed all, had died off or were in the process of doing so and had no children to replace them. I lost several of my friends, members of the Second Generation (Dor Ha-sheni) to suicide, a common phenomenon. The only mention of the term "steak Nazi" I made was in the context of how abhorrent I found it that the term would be applied to me and how sickened I was that that word and my name would appear in the same sentence--a point i made very clear to Jane. Shame on her for including it in her article. Other than that, all I can say is what a waste of time. I can only hope that this missed opportunity to tell a real story only slightly diminishes the work I hope to achieve when I open up in Ward 7. Oh, and my wine splits suck.

So, I am sitting at the bar waiting for my Irish Bacon Egg and Cheese Sandwich and wondering to myself how wrong, possibly sick, it would be to ask for a side of mayonnaise. Hoping to be allowed back in the restaurant, I decided against it. Imagine my delight when the sandwich arrived with a perfectly applied layer of mayonnaise deliciousness. I like the way they think and wish to subscribe to their newsletter. Seriously, though, it is amazing how every single detail at Eve--even the ones no one but Cathal, Meshe, Todd and Craig could possibly even be aware of--is not just attended to but thought through to the most mindful, thoughtful and thorough degree. What an utter delight!

Only if they own a cat named "Garfield."

Let's just talk about all the really good stuff we've eaten, and all the hard work that must have gone into it. I know I could fill pages upon pages of just that--and that's just me. Dinners at Liberty Tavern? Oh my god! So much better than they need to be! Eventide? Even my own mother doesn't know how to spoil me more! American Flatbread? Frost and Whitman singing the body non-electric together deliciously! Artisans Chocolates? Seriously, I think I might just need to trade my coke habit in for a bon bon habit! Posto? Sitting at the bar, what trattoria could serve you better? Palena? Corduroy? Central? Obelisk? Proof? Komi? Cityzen? Are you joking? A European city or two's worth of special finds--enough to live a lifetime's worth of stories of great dining and exceptional people! Kavita? Cunningham? Gillian? Now I'm just rambling... On and on I could go, and I'm still missing more than half. And the one thing that ties them all together? Outstanding kitchens filled with insanely dedicated staff and servers, bartenders, hosts and owners working to care for you far beyond the demands of mere professionalism. World maps of ethnic dining and history in the making to be found reflected in no greater place than here? Globally conscious members of an irrevocably drawn-together-despite-our-differences-and-dislikes community coming together to make a difference and argue passionately along the way? Picnics? Gatherings? Events? Nights at DCCK? Births, weddings, passings, arrivals, causes, calls to duty, flipped cars? Calls to sing together the Internationale (you all suck for not knowing it by heart, by the way)? With so much to treasure, can't we all just celebrate the blessings we have, and leave the gossip and innuendo alone? Oh, and my wine splits suck!

That is impossible. For this to be true would mean that when Todd English himself said (when he arrived in town to shutter Olives that same day with no advance notice to his staff, making them instantly jobless) that it was only for a temporary renovation, it was a lie to avoid negative publicity. And that, my friend, is simply not possible. In fact, Mr. Kuller, who entertained him that very night, can confirm the real story.

Is there no one brave enough to answer my cri de coeur? I would have thought that this timeless cri de guerre would be answered with a thousand resounding voices. Does no one on this board recognize those immortal words and feel a burning irresistible passion aroused within? Shame, shame, shame!

Wait, I'm confused. Olives just closed briefly for renovations. Your sources must be wrong, Don.

Debout, les damnes de la terre! Debout, les forcats de la faim!...Foules esclaves: Debout! Debout! C'est la lutte finale!!!

I can categorically state that in eight years of business, I have never read or received a negative--negative, not critical--complaint where the event described or details offered come close to matching the reality of the situation. This is especially true when the complaint criticizes a member of the staff on an individual or personal level, or when the complainer presumes to know the thoughts or motivations of the server or manager (e.g. "We obviously received lesser service than the tables around us because we are younger."; or "Once the server found out we weren't ordering an expensive wine he promptly decided to ignore us."; or "The waiter was too busy being hipper than thou to bother to re-fill our water glasses."--Just a heads up guys, every member of my staff is trained and instructed that once he feels a guest has been rude or dismissive or insulting in his conduct, he is not to interact with the guest other than to provide the basic necessities of service, and offer no more.). Being an owner who does not conform to the expected role and appearance of an owner, I am in a unique position to experience directly the hysteria and falsehoods of those seeking to complain in a retaliatory fashion. I can not tell you how many times, whether while working the phones at Ray's: The Steaks or working the floor at Ray's: The Classics, I would get a call from an outraged guest demanding to speak to the owner who would then go on to describe an interaction they had with me in the least truthful of terms, expecting that I be fired. Or the lies that would be told about the conduct of a member of my staff while I was a first-hand witness to the event, albeit presumably as a cook or food runner or mere host. Again, with the expectation that this lowling be fired. Many of these would also appear in Tom's chats as well, or in the WaPo's unmoderated reader reviews section. I also can not tell you how many times I have heard from guests "Wait until Tom Sietsema hears about this!" I have pointed this out to Tom on a number of occasions, with numerous examples and with a seeming understanding of this phenomenon on his part. It is a mystery to me why these uncorroborated accounts continue to dominate his chats. Let me make clear here that I am distinguishing between a negative review, which is inherently retaliatory or otherwise agenda-driven, and a critical review, which while expressing critical opinions or negative criticisms, is to the point, is based on an actual experience (one of my most seething personal critics has neither been to my restaurants nor met me--despite espousing publicly many of the same personal beliefs and commitments as I do, strangely enough), and is not personal in nature or directed at an individual.

What is so baffling to me is that there is a simple, fool-proof method, known to all, of determining who the culprit was--one based on scientific reasoning and deduction that would not have put any of the innocent parties at risk. Click.

Go to the signature external link (Kitsch & Classics) for a glimpse of what appear to be pate glory holes.

I believe, NCPinDC, that Don was referring to his imminent takeover/purchase of UrbanSpoon--something long speculated upon but now, apparently, ready to be revealed to the public.

Okay, quick poll before Don locks or deletes this thread. What is more disturbing?: A ) That this thread even exists. B ) That "cat glands" are mentioned and Dean immediately pulls out a link to a song about "cat love glands" as though he had been waiting for the subject to come up all along, which, no doubt, one day it must. C ) That "B" surprises no-one.

So you're saying that cats--even boy cats--are just like girls? Now it makes sense.

Oh well, I guess I will just have to drink some more Hennessey, close my eyes, and sing Thunder Road over and over again in my head until it stops--just like I've always done.

I am abnormal, but you--you--are sick.

So I guess you are going to merge this with the "Just Desserts" thread? Is it too late to order the cheese plate?