Poivrot Farci

Saumon fumé with stone ground mustard seeds and eggs “Mireille” Râble de lapin rôti stuffed with red chard and my lardo Bombine Ardéchoise Braised rabbit in its consommé with olives, potato, mushroom and laurel.

A committee of wise elders with scraggly facial hair and a milky white eye or two. It costs $4000 for the 8 day exam. Proof of mastery is in belt color or collar stripes. A list of certified Master Chefs in the United States that should have the vulgar Mr. Andblueboy’s blessing to noodle with foodstuffs: http://mcf-usa.com/master-chefs-usa.html Mastery doesn’t means what you think it means. Such a discount office-chair edict (and its final sheepish dilution) strips nearly every craftsman of their purpose and pride. It confuses mastery with a proven theoretical and practical understanding and highlights how little you know about western cuisine in general, particularly French and Italian whose culinary nuances vary from village to city within the same region. Odds are better of encountering a chef who has mastered solving Rubik’s cube and unhooking brasiers in the dark, both with expedience and grace, than finding any chef worth a damn who is so arrogant as to believe he is a master of any cuisine. Mastery of immeasurable excellence in subjective arts is decided at awards shows by texting viewers. Or perhaps the casual parlance of Master is being confused with the certified title. ps. Lobster in a pot pie will invariably be hammered. Using a fragile luxury novelty is another Bobby Flay flavored attempt at reinventing a dish while overlooking or not understanding its fundamental concept nor the physical properties of heat and protein. And the cash-cow Vegas-volume celebrity chef outposts are hardly representative of their cherished first-born.

The federal 2009 Alaskan Sablefish (and Halibut) season opened on March 21, 2009 at 1200 hrs ALT (Alaskan Local Time). In shortsighted symbolism or clumsy coincidence, the Smithsonian chose to host the sustainable fishing panel the morning of March 21, 2009, before one of the largest wild populations of halibut and sablefish opened for commercial fishing. Were they serving fresh or frozen 2008 sablefish? Waiting a few weeks would have allowed the panel to serve widely appealing fresh fish (sablefish, halibut and salmon) during the federally regulated 2009 season without undermining the seasonal consideration of their sustainability battle cry.

Those selfishly delusional Farm Sanctuary chicks and their old mother goose who were handing out anti-foie gras propaganda to guests and passersby in front of a DC restaurant last night probably couldn’t get any dates and their compassion does not extend to small businesses whose employees earn their living in lean economic times based on patronage and the exchange of currency. They are why no one likes environmentalists. I will eat their dumb souls pan fried in schmaltz.

That would not be anything without exception of neither a fish which has not been cooked outside of none other than "Chinese method" (rather than not being unopposed to a"Chinese fish") unless you aren’t talking about nothing else than Coi...or Yusheng (Chaozhou raw fish salad)I read Moby Dick and the essential Henry Miller in as much time as it took Carla to go to th’Academie and that doesn’t make me a student or scholar of classical fuckin’ literature.

As of last night, yep. He’d never heard of a Brown Derby until I ordered one a few weeks back and he has been noodling with it and it’s spelling. The complimentary nuts and sesame sticks (east meets west) are worth the price of admission, though the variety has been more austere lately, and a triptych of manhattans will get you properly tuned up. It’s like a Cougar Convention there too so wear snug trousers.

That’s more a salpicon or gratin forcemeat (cooked) than rillettes. In the interest of tradition and culinary purists, the later are invariably a protein simmered in their own fat and mixed by hand or machine within a certain fat/lean ratio and texture depending on the region of origin (e.g. rillettes from Mans are fattier and more finely chopped than those from rivaling Tours, others shredded, some smoked, "rillauds" cooked less and kept chunkier...etc). For the sake of continuity, the oxtails (cleaned of sinew) or a more fibrous cut could have indeed been confit(ed) in tallow and then mixed...the sweet feral waft of rendered beef fat being what Gargantua’s jock strap would smell like in the Rabelaisian era of locker-room romance. The Ren-fare doctor of lewd poetry was alleged to have revered rillettes as “brown pig jam”.+1 for pickles on the side. -1 for using a blender.

The venerable Culinary Artistry, pp196-208. $29.95

Garbure. Navy beans, cabbage, my espelette and rosemary sausage, smoked ham hock, salted pork belly, pork shoulder, parsley root, turnips, carrots and pearl onions ladled over toasted slices of Heller’s not very good rye bread or directly into Garth Brooks' and Stevie Wonder’s mouths.

Coufidou à la Nivernaise Simmered beef neck with a disciplined garnish of carrot, turnip, onion, potato and mushroom.

The true representation of aïoli is nothing more than garlic, olive oil and lemon juice. Never any egg as an emulsifier, the garlic having the same tensioactive properties as eggs (and mustard). Some may call for bread soaked in milk or water to stabilize the thing and rarely potatoes but the authentic version is a monument to simplicity, technique and patience. The result is a pure, opaque garlic and olive oil emulsion that oozes. Everything else is “garlicky mayo” sleight of hand and does not deserve the aïoli suffix.

Is it authentic “aïoli”, as opposed to mayonnaise laced with garlic? The redundant difference is considerable and exceedingly difficult to make. Adding garlic to mayonnaise doesn’t really qualify as aïoli and was presumably brought into the modern repertoire by shortcut and sloth. If its egg/bread/mustard/potato-less, kudos. If not, its garlic mayonnaise.

Suckling Ham in Aspic with leek, carrot and truffle. Carrots "Vichy" "WASA" Seared Grapefruit & Honey Poached Foie Gras. With raisins, warm spices and candied zest.

Epaule de Porcelet Farcie. Galantines and ballotines (ballantine is a brand of scotch whisky) are roulades but roulades are not necessarily galantines or ballotines. Roulade =any meat that is rolled around a stuffing made of vegetable, meat, dairy or whatever. Galantine = a meat, poultry or fish that is boned, stuffed with a forcemeat of the original protein and traditionally poached in a gelatinous stock and served with decorative aspic made from the stock and served cold or room temperature. Galantine comes from the Old French word for chicken “géline” or “galine” as it was originally made from chickens, though some maintain the word has its origins from the Gothic root “gal” meaning jelly, for the gelatinous stock. Towards the end of the 17th century it came to include other types of poultry, the remarkable Russian Doll Roast making use of 17 birds stuffed within one another being a remarkable example. The Bedouin camel stuffed with lamb, chickens and rice is on the furthest edge of the galantine spectrum, and its authenticity is debated. Zamponga stretches the roulade definition even farther and is the skin of a lamb or goat which is made into a bagpipes by bohemian Italians. Roger Waters used zampogna inspiration for the ubiquitous Pink Floyd pig-prop showmanship. Ballotine = a galantine served hot. Traditionalish porchetta.(not mine). No forcemeat. Would fall into the roulade taxonomy. Ballotine. Stuffed with forcemeat made from the legs, tenderloin, scraps, offal, bing cherries and pistachios.

Mixed Nuts Brandade de ma Morue a la Ménagére (I salt my cod, if you know what I mean) Front Suckling Pig Quarter Stuffed with Pickled Apples and Walnuts Modelo Especial 2008 12pk Bourbon Foosball Eric Clapton & Steve Winwood collection LP’s Danish Pebernødder cookies Peppermint Bark

The “swollen asparagus freight train arrangement with Lucky Pierre lamb, spacedock hospitality and elephant-walk waitstaff” can’t be far behind the WashPo’s 2009 bargain-basement Bukowskish criticule (celebrity chefs notwithistanding).

L'Osteria

Throwing out 40 duck breasts and 20lbs of pork tenderloin on the eve of a late summer Christmas amfAR charity party is very edgy. Bravo!... Bravo. I can’t wait for Stefan & Jamie, Leah & Hosea, Richard & Tom to get cold sores during the Zovirax company New Year’s Eve cryovac machine makeout episode. Anyone who can defend or tout the virtues of this season’s shitclowns and stupid conceptual mouse trap challenges (easily avoided using “the same pot” over and over again or naming salt as an ingredient) will be the toast of the egg nog heater and probably has a much cornier sweater than my skiers turning corners and leaving errant tassels of white yarn and sparkles.

Nos Ancêtres Les Gaulois 16th century temple to la table d’hôte and is best avoided by those who go out to be social lepers. An itinerant guitarist plays campy jingles and drinks from your all you can drink Corbiéres carafe. Wicker baskets of whole vegetables with hard boiled eggs and enough all you can eat charcuterie, pickles, and condiments to make Sizzler’s top brass bump knuckles. Meats are grilled in one of the many fireplaces. The labyrinth of worn stone floored rooms are decorated with helmets, hides, swords, shields and Asterix themed novelty bric-a-brac that would be appreciated if Ren-fair were cool(er) in France.

Oliver Twist, Post WWII motorcycle enthusiasts, Wolfman Jack’s pirate radio audience and “The Pharaoh” greasers, stoned out hippie minstrels, unkempt draft dodgers and most recently Caddyshack's Bushwood Country Club golf caddies. Their candidate lost and Ceauşescu was deposed almost 20 years ago.Sour NIMBY quibbles of rabble-rousers and school-night drunks underscores an unprecedented social and political event while highlighting generational disconnect and unsubstantiated fears of fatalistic cocktails during beneficial historical milestones. Those opposed to the extension should be able to retain Matlock with a few bags of Werther’s caramels.

Considering with premium rates liberal armchair-intellectual visitors are spending on hotel and residential accommodations, they should have no problem posting bail after their fun meters run out. The city’s drunk tanks and jails will not be overwhelmed. Paranoid fantasy axes of sour political revelry and 1968 crossed more than a generation ago and celebratory riots are usually limited to sports championships.

Homage to Turkey Mulled Cider Humus and Home Made Pide Bread Pickled Fish Foie Gras Red Lentil and Celeriac Soup Potatoes with Anchovies and Cumin Pumpkin and Barley Stuffing Brussels Sprouts with Apricots and Pistachios 11,000,000 milligram Amish Turkey: The Breast Roasted with Sumac and Yogurt Black Cardamom Kofte with the Legs and Giblets Cranberry and Walnut Baklava Backgammon Massage

Your astringent hip-shot comparison of a 3 month rookie chef to an established one 10 years his senior wasted my "college Friday" (Thursday).

What constitutes an austere G-20 menu outside of fast food and gruel? (I bully rich kids in Georgetown and steal their sour quince logs.)

Cynical cheers for someone’s firing based on posts of interpretable accounts of managerial delivery that dining guests are not contracted to eat within an establishment whose protocol they challenge is so 2006. The “confusion” query has little to do with remedial computer skills or service industry snobbery. More than likely the restaurant has a standard policy of placing complete orders so that the kitchen is not confused by multiple orders or ambiguous instructions coming in for the same table number, (regardless of what may appear to be a busy evening or not) whereupon there may be “confusion” as to whether courses or persons were forgotten or added and if the items should be expedited immediately or not. As a bonus for the guest, a complete order allows the kitchen to prepare the next course in a timely manner since lags in service are a common compl-... ah, fuck it....fire 'em. They’d be better off not having to manage the dining public’s silly notions of what is and should be.