Poivrot Farci

They make their own ketchup though. At least they do or did next door at the mothership, and sharing is caring.

Preparation might include harvesting said "tater-tots" from tater-tot bags (organic, naturally) that grow inside frozen Simplot- genesis-tuberpods in Canada, way up there. Every American eats 7 million tons of the damned things in their lifetime. Stacked end on end, that’s a tower 7 million tater tots high. That’s how J.R Simplot can afford to live on an iceranch above the Arctic Circle maintained by ice robots cloned from members of the Shackleton NIMROD expedition. Then, the "tater tots" (presumably pre-cooked at a cooler 250 degrees -its colder up there) could be fried in the deep end of a fryer filled with canola or motor oil which is heated to a temperature of 350 degrees Fahrenheit/449.816649 Kelvin for 5 Magic Minutes (same as regular minutes) until the starch absorbs water thereupon exuding dissolved starch into the potato cell... granules...surface dries...pores... ...until they are golden brown and crispy on the outside! Leave ‘em in the hot oil overnight and they’ll be brown and crispy all the way through! Perhaps, they then dump them onto paper towels, possibly purchased as well, - maybe even from the same purveyor!?- which absorbs all the grease. The science is magic. Or vice versa. I forget.

had drinks with Mr. Bourdain a few years back. He really liked the fish soup, sweetbreads and cheese plate at Bistro Bis when he was in DC. He smokes Kent cigarettes. He doesn't pretend to know everything culinary and after reading that he was impressed by Scott Bryan's uniformally cut chives, my expectations of his standards dropped slightly. Nice guy however. I envy some of his travels. Most of his Jamaica trip segment was censored for television. Top Brass frowned on smoking joints with staff between seatings. Campton Place in SF had live snails under Bradley Ogden...albeit 6 years ago.

The connotation of "criticizes" implies a negative criticism. My gripe was the lollipop review. For a street-corner hot-dog stand to garnish their tube steaks with canned snails, or if one prefers the canned to the fresh or if space or time or procurement is an issue, fine. I expect more from high-end-gourmet houses. Anyone has the ability to open a can and as a traditionalist who still shaves with a flat razor blade and writes with a quill, I choose to judge chefs and restaurants based on their ability to transform raw products as in all a trades, be it carpentry or leatherwork. Palena uses fresh snails. Not sure about Marcel’s, Eve, Cityzen or Amsterdam Falafel. I care for neither fresh nor canned snails but my experience has been that the canned snails are chewier and are stored in an unpleasant liquid/syrup of sorts that resembles a filthy version of the juice found inside of a dashboard compass. I find the texture unpleasant. Periwinkles I don’t mind because they can be swallowed whole. Fresh snails are more tender and delicate, not overpowered by their juice and don’t need to be masticated so much. There are snail farms (heliciculture - not to be confused with the “E lei ka lei lei” Don Ho beach party song) on the east coast in Pennsylvania and Delaware, and others on the west coast that raise helix pomatia, the most common edible snail (60ct when bought canned). Smaller helix aspersa are 90ct/can. Often, the snails are raised on small patches of grass edged with ash (which burns them)and Smurfs, which contains them much like barbed wire and cowboys contains cattle, though on a smaller, slower scale. Wild, ahem, garden snails cornu aspersum need to be purified/fed cornmeal or greens for a week to clean their insides, or starved. Some then place them in salt to disgorge the impurities and slime and such. Once the gastropods are blanched quickly (or they become tough) the operculum (trap door) is discarded and the foot is pulled free from the intestines and whathaveyou. Given the quantity of creatures in a 10# bag, the mightiest would cook and can their own. You can order them via the intertronweb like you would crayfish, only your 4th of July Bar-B-Que won't even make the Lyndon LaRouche newsletter Style section. The snails are then cooked slowly (or they toughen and shrink like mussels) to one’s taste. The process is long and tedious, like the superbowl halftime show, but some like it...

I remember the snails in puff pastry vol-au-vent from almost 4 years ago at Bisto Bis. The snail came out of a can. Are the snails from a 3 star restaurant using "prime" ingredients fresh or canned? From the stock, almost masturbatory review, the steak tartar seems very unextraordinary and the eastern sundries -pineapple, rice wine vinegar, jasmine rice- drift against the grain of the "traditional" setting and pre-civil war wood. Mr. Beauchamp's epicurean integrity and prowess are not in question. The review itself however appears labored and desperate to maintain the 3star tradition. "pork chop is thick and full of savor..." writes Mr. Sietsema. Would that be savory the herb, or savory salty? "perfectly cooked tilefish..." Other than by means of applying heat or salt, how was the fish cooked? "Perfect" is a tedious description reserved for housewives to rate cupcakes from half a century past. Congratulations on the stars, but as far the manner in which the review is written: delineation is like peanut butter; less you have, more you spread it. Reminiscent of a term paper based on a second hand account of a book that was never read in its entirety.

My attorney and I are drafting a letter post haste, after a game of Hungry Hungry Hippo and 7 healthy shots of Tuaca. Letter of discontent 1.0 will be posted forthcoming for community contribution and suggestion. References to pubic lice and women/men with "all the meat in the tail" shall be discouraged.

Pretzle Logic 100's

It would appear as if science has once again been overlooked by the self-righteous. The ramification for humans are more concerning since dead crustaceans pose a health risk and there is no proof that frozen lobsters were, uh... put to sleep while still living. Lobster and crab organs are so close to the meat we ingest that once a crustacean succumbs, its meat can become contaminated. Do oysters have feelings? Ultimately, the scientific community and flakes should decide whether crabs or lobsters would you rather be frozen or boiled to death? If I were a crustacean -which I am not- I would organize my fellow crustaceans and plan attacks on unassuming bathers.

Japanesechesknife The nuances of weight and balance are negligible. Your hand will adapt to a few centuries of proven eastern tradition. Japanese blades are much thinner and far sharper. Splurge on carbon steel, but don't let prep people open clams with your knife. It will stay sharp with care but may oxidize eventually. Keep your German/French steel for frenching bones and cans of olive oil.

winebid.com

Some of wine from the bladder can me mixed with vanilla, champagne mangoes, papaya, watermellon, rum and such and such and returned to the bladder, thereupon inserted into a large watermellon with the tap coming out from the bottom. Results in a jungle juice that would make summer BBQ enthusiast blush.

Did the waiter remove the plastic wrap from the glass tableside? Oneological protocol should be that the wine bottle be presented unopened, to the guest, price tag removed (with a razor blade like at the liquor store if need be), opened in front of them, and then the host feigns smelling the cork while discretely comparing the name on the cork to the label on the wine and making it look to their dinner companions that they know what they are drinking about. That might guarantee the guests that, oh I don't know, maybe management is funneling leftovers into "tasting bottles" or cutting the juice with Wycliff Resever 5 Gallon boxes. If they offer to decant the White Zin, decant indeed, preferably by candlelight. Seems that Jay Coldren's template for wine service has spoiled. The R&D or accounting dept needs to rethink the pricing formula. Conventionally, in western civilization, the price incentive is to buy more for less, like the 40lb baking soda boxes for 23cents less a pound, or drugs. For the uber frugal, At CP steak you can buy 2 small filets and 1 lobster instead of 2 surf & turfs and save $1.00.

The Michelin star restaurants are Ensemble, Kommandanten, Kong Hans Kælder, Kokkerie, Era Ora, Godt, Noma, The Paul, Formel B, Restaurant Rasmus Oubæk. Kong Hans has the best setting in the basement of a 15th century vineyard building. Nice but still expensive alternatives are: Restaurationen Pierre Andre TyvenKokkenHansKoneOgHendesElsker (The cook, the wife, the butcher, thief...) Saisons in Hellerup Egoisten Le Sommelier Gastronomique Cheaper, lighter: Restaurant Els Peder Oxe's Restaurant/Vinkælder Wine Bar Nyhavns Færgekro I once heard of a woman named Mette who allegedly held 12-14 person dinners in her apartment 3 nights a week. Home made saussages. There are some really cheap and good vegetarian food in Christiania.

Doesn't seem like anyone there went out of their way to pair special food with the cognacs. The tuna, mushroom dosa, foie gras and duck with pomegranate jus/syrup are from the original openning menu in Dec 2004. It is far too common, frustrating and deceitful for restaurants to offer guests special tasting menus that are supposed to be paired with wine/spirits/hooch when the starring beverages are most likely not tasted and the dishes are stock "creations". I suppose the same could be said for Gallagher smashing watermellons at every gig. I did however see him make a map of the US with various food items and condiments, so at least he is able to show the depth and breadth of his destructive epicurean genius.

I don't think that the crabs have feelings. At least not feelings that you and I have felt upon the conclusion of Friday's Day's (of our lives) or other soap-opera cliff-hangers. Think of softshell crabs as an exoskeletal reincarnation of Stefano, or that bastard son of his Peter. In my youth I worked with a hippie Viet-Namese butcher "Vy Ha" who would cajole the crabs before cutting their faces of. "Steal Your Face." I found that pulling the eyes out rather than cutting the face off kept lots of the juices in the head, like that time back in Buffalo when Chuck "The Acid Queen" and I dropped 2 tabs of Squeaky Freaky and played foosball to 6/9/77 (Winterland, Good Gig).

The scallops were U-10 "sea" scallops, presumably Placopecten magellanicus, or giant sea scallop, the most commonly eaten in the US. They are harvested in Argentina, Canada, Chile, Iceland, Japan, Russia, and the United States. I suspect that "these" were harvested in Russia since Chilean and Argentinian mollusc harvest/cultivation has been compromised by frequent episodes of Pfiesteria and red tide. The distance of harvest would explain the STPP. I did not purchase the scallops in question and can only assume. I choose to eat sustainable or day-boat seafood when I eat fish -with the exception for candy swedish fish whose origins aren't as closely regulated. My reason is idealistic, albeit it flakey and futile. Though my corpse will be stuffed and seated at the bar of The Townhouse Tavern long before the oceans have been depleted of contemporary/conventional fish and fishermen will have to dredge deeper and deeper, I feel I must do my part to balance chi, nature and karma for future posterity through a consumption filter. (I do not believe in God nor seamonsters, but am afraid of both.) I will gladly pay more for a product whose yield may be less, but equally less detrimental to the product itself, it's environment and it's producers/harvesters in the short and long term. While I did not pay for the offending allegedly illegitimate shellfish, I find it morally reprehensible that an establishement such as WF, which prides itself on providing unspoiled bounties of nature, would sell an artificially treated product, if in my case it may be. I shall try Black Salt if the opportunity and a car and a driver's license present themselves. Until then I will continue my strict regimen of Grape Nuts, daquiris, TV Guide and the occasion Swedish fish.

A presidential dinner was held this evening in the nation’s capital. As sergeant at arms and personal chef to the President [of the company’s 3rd floor bagel club] I oversaw not only the lighting of the candles at the monumental birthday donut‘s zenith but the searing of the sea scallops with the now ubiquitous neanderthal mango salsa. An assistant to the president procured said scallops from her cherished Whole Foods outpost on 14th street, NW. While she may have used her feminine wiles to secure a position as assistant to the president, last week’s “everything” bagels looked like they had fallen on the floor and clumsily been kicked around like a “hacky-sack” and the fishmonger may have been a spiteful ex-boyfriend...or girlfriend (who knows these days). Furthermore, they looked as they had been previously chewed on. As I shucked the pectinidae molluscs from their plastic half-pint shells, an overwhelming sense of not so good smell of sodium tripolyphosphate, confusion and despair consumed me, like those times when I went down to the docks, drunk and such and such. The Assistant had purchased the scallops for not less than $18.99 per pound! And yet the scallops were treated with a preservative, sodium tripolyphosphate. While the inorganic compound is widely used in toothpaste and is as safe as salt, vinegar and baking powder, STPP helps to retain natural moisture, but in excess. Therefore, the scallops weighs more after being treated than it would if it were dayboat or dry-packed, the quality of which one would only assume if sold at Whole Foods “The World’s Leading Natural and Organic Foods Supermarket.” In my rare and begrudging tangents into the Whole Foods empire, I have satiated my lust for free cheese and free-when-no-ones-looking nuts but squelched at the sight of orange roughee (a no-no according to NOAA ) and nothing more than organicly priced rutabega during the lean months.Has anyone else purchased a product at Whole Foods whose integrity they feel fell short of the price to which it was paired with?

roken Arrow ranch in Texas offers animals like antelope and wild boar that roam somewhat wildly and are shot from marksmen in passing helicopters like in "Running Man". The owner of the ranch said "I now know not to serve anything too exotic, like rattlesnake, lion, or zebra. They are all available, but because those animals are more like a pet, people aren't as likely to want to eat them. Especially if they were in a children's movie." Regardless of whether the lions were raised and pampered by vigrins in white linen, that kind of meat may fall into the Pandora meat-box next to the Panda ribeye and bald eagle burgoo; creatures that most of western civilization might see as once majestic and exploited to the brink of extinction by Gargantua's gluttony and greed. The consumption of all things zoological should be limited to leaner times and absolute necessity as during the siege of Paris in 1870. The zoo was unable to feed the animals and on the 99th day of the siege (Christmas Day) restauranteurs bought the beasts and served stuffed ass's head, elephant consomme, cats & rats, roast camel a l'Anglaise and kangaroo stew. Should a category 8 hurricane hit DC this fall (as I am predicting) I recommend the invertebrate section of the National Zoo and the plump seals. Avoid the macaques in heat.

I too share your gripe of lackluster culinary expeditions to the summits of epicurean epiphany and the loathsome question of what to wear, however 5 years may be close to the statute of limitations. Did you bring sherpas? Was the suit plaid? Don’t commit Kara-Kiri tableside just yet. Perhaps you were preoccupied with the praise you had heard and your expectations were to high? I expect staphylococcus and to be overcharged whenever I go out. I always leave pleased. Many “chefs” have trouble acknowledging a dish better than their own because like any other craftsman, no one wants to be outdone or upstaged. It also impresses your fellow guests if you can look down your nose at the chef’s deconstructed cardoon and duck testicle chimichanga or whatever. When preparing to go to an elitist dining establishment I usually confer with my local haberdasher about which shade of regal purple velvet my dinner suit should be tailored from and I always bring a gilded scepter. I remove my bejeweled crown but as I am suffering from male pattern baldness and am terribly vain I wear a piece of pita bread as a yarmulke which informs the waitstaff that not only am I a foodie, but I am doing my part in improving middle-eastern relations. I ate at Citronelle well over a year ago and also found that the dishes could have benefitted from some finishing sea salt. The tuna nicoise with the yellow tomato/mozzarella egg quarter was impressive, the fake egg thing at least.. I was less impressed that the kitchen used a glue gun for the egg handle on the caviar dish (I would have used isomalt) and that they used a Dremmel kit to cut the egg shell in half. I worked with a guy who did it by hand, but he wouldn’t show us how; his secret. Cuttlefish “Pasta” was silky and clean as was the lobster and eggplant but the lobster claw could have been finished with salt. Basil crusted rack of lamb was what it was and its fingerling potatoes were buttery excellent, but I did not like that the bone was removed, blanched and then put back into the loin. My rustic penchant is that proteins be minimally handled after frenching. Rumor has it that some of the proteins are finished a la microwave to ensure consistency. Microwaves are widely used in France (as is ketchup by some chefs, but they will never admit it. Ketchup is sweeter over there too). The result, microwaved or not was a perfect medium. Still I prefer traditional fire heat. Microwaves, as useful as they are, have become Beelzebub’s Holly Hobby home bake oven -another thread... How good are you at picking lottery number or movies? I too am known for picking the best things, 'specially awesome movies. I rented "Gigli" and "Battlefield Earth" last night. It was cinematic sweetbread poaching milk! There’s nothing I like better than the congealed milk after poaching sweetbreads. I love it! Its like jello, but its milk...but its got the offal taste!? Truly a rich, savory tapestry of flavors. Which restaurants are at the top of your list? Good luck in your pursuits.

My attorney and I got tuned up at the Tune Inn a while back. We sat at the beginning at the bar and order our bourbons (his retainer is Maker's Mark). After 2 trips down the bar to refresh our libations, the barkeep cheerfully told us that we reeked of honesty and offered us each a bottle of our respective booze to pour at our leisure. And pour we did. We did not take advantage of the gentleman's trust, nor were we bashful, and poured ourselves conservative 3oz drinks, 6 at a time. I woke up the next day with an excruciating attack of the gout and DT. Whilst looking in the mirror I was able to see the inside of my skull through my eyes. I would glady return as I have no recollection of leaving, but not even Bukowski should get that drunk, much less the night before a Foreign Service written exam.

Taste and price is subjective. Milk is still more expensice than gasoline and liquor from a plastic gallon jug smells like the later. All three places have poverty rates between 14-17% but starndards of living vary from city to suburb and New York City is far more expensive than ony other city east of the Mississippi. Eating better here or there than over there for less seems to be an overwhelming general statement lest you have eaten from every gumbo emporium, pizza-the-size-of-your-face stand and hotdog cart in between. Eammon's will offer cheaper sustenance. Both will still be expensive for those of us who fashion our clothes from 50# burlap rice bags and tip in wampum. They are expensive for a reason; restaurants offer sevices, not necessities and Palena, Eve, Citizen and other "Big-Boys" offer a more luxurious version of that service. There are, after all, alternatives to eating in 3 1/2 star restaurants for lunch and dinner.

I don't think Cathal's vision of Restaurant Eve was to serve food at the bar. His inspiration was to open a version of what the French Laundry did a decade ago. I believe the bar is meant to serve guests drinks while they wait to be seated in a timely manner that is conducive to a proper dining experience. I have had an item or two off the tasting menu at the bar on a Monday, by no means a meal, but wouldn't expect the same elbow room on a weekend when the bar is used to buffer aforementioned guest bottlenecking. I am puzzled by the Bayona allegory. Their cuisines are different. Bayona -worldly eccentic [con]fusion Eve- Local, seasonal, French technique Aside from them both being restaurants and having different service in different rooms I see little similarity. Had the desserts from the new pastry chef on a recent visit. I heard he comes from Wylie Dufresne who closed Clinton Fresh Food in March. The petit four caramels, fennel jellies, merengue lollipops and bubble gum were, without hyperbole, awesome. The desserts themselves however had all the flare and practicality of prototypes at an auto show. My citrus something had 2 citrus segments along a strip of somewhat edible yellow silicone. There were what looked and tasted like transparent onion flavored pencil erasers and a chive blossom or two. Mine and others' sorbets seemed as if they had chemical or engineered sugars (WD's modus operandi) which they shouldn't need if they are respinning them daily, as they should. Odd texture. 1000 leaves of chocolate and french toast were favorably consumed in haste.

knocking back a tumbler of my winter kumquat/cinnamon/corriander and clove aquavit. It helps soothe the bitter taste from the closed MayDay boycott thread. For all the entreprenurial libationers, infused-vodka.com has a fine selection of glass infusion jars with brass taps and homedistiller.org offers formulations for sugar wash/alcohol ratios if you distil at home. The guy's "thumper still" works quite well. I recommend thoroughly cleaning any copper tubing though, lest you want to drink hooch that looks like you scooped it out of the YMCA pool. Brita filters work well. Any home distillers out there? Anyone with an arc welder that can help me build a reflux column that would make the engineers of the Death Star blush?

By being better prepared, is Vafoodnut suggesting that all establishments within the food industry have an entirely non-immigrant staff? Perhaps in Ron Burgundy’s world, but my experience (restaurants at least), reminds me that be they Sri Lankans in Paris, Chinese in San Francisco or Salvadorians in DC, immigrants have been the backbone of all labor driven societies since Babylon. Warm, diligent bodies who are paid lower wages than the status quo due to their limited language skills and education make available to us everything from the remotely affordable California strawberries and almonds we buy at Whole Foods, to the degustation menus that we enjoy at highbrow restaurants frequented by members of this forum.

Try slow poaching the foie in verjus with concord grapes. Better yet, marinate it in cointreau with orange zest and confit it (in pieces) in wire-bale mason jars. It will last over 6 months. I don't know of any goose foie gras prodcution in the US. Raw poultry product importation is illegal. My experience has been that goose livers need to cook longer and are more delicate, almost grainy. Anyone know of any farmers fattening geese for this winter? I'll take one for my Danish Christmas.