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Special Delivery


JLK
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I have a quandry. I think the Etiquette forum is the best place for it.

There's a restaurant from which I regularly order food delivery. I love it. The food is delicious, and the price is right. And I'm in the restaurant's delivery area which counts for a lot in my part of town where the little food we have, generally sucks.

I have ordered from this place a LOT, so much so that the driver has become - perhaps - overly familiar. It started a few weeks before Christmas when the delivery person (the lone staff member for this purpose, I'm pretty certain) suddenly and inexplicably reached in for...a hug. :P I was stunned to say the least, enough that I didn't order for a whole ten days (sacrifice!). The guy has been awfully nice to me, sending along a free appetizer or dessert with most recent deliveries.

When I finally gave in and ordered again, I made the transaction quick and efficient, but still pleasant. Just not particularly, err, warm. I backed up while closing the door with a smile before he could reach out with those delivery man arms.

Tonight? He hit me with the double whammy, somehow ensnaring me in a hug and going for a kiss on both cheeks.

Is there anything I should do differently (short of ceasing ordering from the place; also short of hauling my tired a$$ over to pick up the food)? I don't wish to get the man, who seems harmless, in trouble with the boss. I'm stumped.

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Tonight? He hit me with the double whammy, somehow ensnaring me in a hug and going for a kiss on both cheeks.
This would be awesome if it were the really hot college student guy who used to deliver pizza for Albertos on Saturday nights. Somehow, I don't think that it is...what a shame! He was so cute that it made the 60 mins+ wait for our girls night in pizza almost bearable.

My advice to you: keep up the "give me my f*ing food, and don't touch me" body language. :P If that doesn't work, you may have to start carrying out your order.

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Tonight? He hit me with the double whammy, somehow ensnaring me in a hug and going for a kiss on both cheeks.

Is there anything I should do differently (short of ceasing ordering from the place; also short of hauling my tired a$$ over to pick up the food)? I don't wish to get the man, who seems harmless, in trouble with the boss. I'm stumped.

I think you have to cease ordering the delivery from there. It sucks, but sometimes it has to be done.

In college, I was in love with Steak Out delivery. I would order a hamburger with a loaded baked potato every other night, and I would save the potato for the next day's lunch. It was great - I never had to wake up before everything in DC closed (6), and I never had to leave my apartment. The delivery guy would even pass it through my window if I didn't feel like getting the door (first floor apt in foggy bottom - read: nasty, roach invested squalor). I thought I had the life. But, then the delivery guy started getting too friendly. He would knock on my window everytime he passed by and sometimes after work. No more Steak Out for me - which, in retrospect, was probably a good thing.

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It does sound more than a little creepy. Are you in one of the high rises? You could start meeting him in the lobby--so there are people around. Not as convienent but...

Or borrow a male friend or neighbor to be around for the delivery just to get a second opinion/warn off the delivery guy.

Good luck!

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If your gut feeling is telling you this guy is creepy... he most likely is and you maybe should do carry out. If, on the other hand, you don't feel threatened, make an anonymous call to the manager of the restaurant and perhaps mention that you had an uncomfortable encounter with his otherwise lovely delivery man, who shouldn't be fired but might need to be spoken to regarding his um, invasion of your personal space.

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Knowing the restaurant to which you refer, I am happy to show up hungover and unshaved to answer the door next timeyou order, in return for a reasonable cut of the dinner. I'm not quite 6' 8", and I think Mrs. B would be distressed were I to get a gig running around your apartment in a towel -- though not as distressed as you would be -- but I'll bet we could scare the hell out of the dude. As a special bonus, I'll record myself saying "who is it, honey?" on an old and useless cassette recorder (remember them?) I've had stashed in the basement for about 15 years. That'll fix him.

And if he's still a jerk, narc on him. That shit really is un-fucking-acceptable. Period.

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I agree with all of the above! But most important, if it feels bad or creepy to you, it is! If you can talk to the owner/manager about some remedial training for the guy, then great, otherwise your options are to stop ordering from there, have someone else around when your order is delivered, or just talk to the manager about putting a stop to his behavior, one way or another.

Your safety and feeling of safety are paramount!

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Answer the door in sweats with your hair pinned up and a gloppy green facial mask.
I used to use that same stuff, in my younger days. Then, in an episode of Inspector Morse, a young woman answered the door just like this and I immediately solved the "mystery" knowing that NO woman under 30 or so would be caught dead like that. She was, of course, the person being sought. But even the very savvy Morse didn't quite get it at the time. :P
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Y'all are a creative bunch. I love it. Can't wait to schedule my next delivery so I can one of you on the couch (cleaning his gun), one of you coming out of the shower (towel or no towel is up to you, but if it's the latter, you are buying) and me with a mud mask on. Truth be told, I have not looked the slightest bit cute or enticing for these deliveries. Instead I have been tired and/or sick and/or just plain hungry. Perhaps this is true love. He sees my inner beauty. :P

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Maybe I'm missing something here, but what's with all of the beating-about-the-bush and third-party solutions? Notifying his manager would probably be a good idea in case there's a pattern here, but have you tried telling the offender directly that you find his behavior inappropriate and unacceptable?

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Easy for a guy to say. Hard for a woman to do in the heat of the moment when the situation could turn ugly fast. And the guy knows where she lives.
True. I'd say a call to his manager would be the best course of action. Make sure to ask that someone else deliver the food. I think Scottee captured it best
I agree with all of the above! But most important, if it feels bad or creepy to you, it is! If you can talk to the owner/manager about some remedial training for the guy, then great, otherwise your options are to stop ordering from there, have someone else around when your order is delivered, or just talk to the manager about putting a stop to his behavior, one way or another.

Your safety and feeling of safety are paramount!

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Easy for a guy to say. Hard for a woman to do in the heat of the moment when the situation could turn ugly fast. And the guy knows where she lives.

That depends on the situation, about which we have only limited information here. JLK's tone doesn't suggest that they feel threatened. It could be that they are from a culture with incompatible notions of propriety or personal space. I'm not suggesting a confrontational tone - only that speech is the most reliable and unambiguous way of "getting the message" across.

Just maybe, they actually are some kind of predator, in which case it should be noted that would-be attackers prefer passive victims. Coughing, posing, and wearing mud aren't likely to be of much use there either.

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That depends on the situation, about which we have only limited information here. JLK's tone doesn't suggest that they feel threatened. It could be that they are from a culture with incompatible notions of propriety or personal space. I'm not suggesting a confrontational tone - only that speech is the most reliable and unambiguous way of "getting the message" across.

Just maybe, they actually are some kind of predator, in which case it should be noted that would-be attackers prefer passive victims. Coughing, posing, and wearing mud aren't likely to be of much use there either.

This is where the "gender wars" cross. We women are programmed to avoid confrontation. And, this is where men and women differ. You boys can't imagine being in the situation where you are alone and facing some man who's intentions are "iffy." Why do you think that so many women, faced with a guy who needs "help" and you invite him in to use your phone, wind up getting raped? This happened to somebody I know in Woodley Park. She was also an Ivy League LAWYER, so were aren't talking stupid women, here.

Hey! The guy gives you the creeps? Stop ordering from that place or call the management. Do one or the other. Whatever you do, stop having this guy come to your HOME!

BTW: Why did I, a dyed-in-the-wool FEMINIST, come to the conclusion that I really NEEDED a husband? Ask Dame Edna what precipitated our marriage.

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Is there anything I should do differently (short of ceasing ordering from the place; also short of hauling my tired a$$ over to pick up the food)? I don't wish to get the man, who seems harmless, in trouble with the boss. I'm stumped.
You don't really know if he's harmless, and I would counsel you to stop doing business with that establishment until such time as he leaves. His behavior is wildly inappropriate, and you don't know if he acts this way with all of the women on his route, or just you. Given that dangerous uncertainty, I'd avoid any and all contact with this man.
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I'm with the crowd on this one. A fellow at one of my favorite local restaurants started getting friendlier and friendlier with me every time I came in (and he was working EVERY TIME). I eventually had to stop going there after he thrust his phone number on me. It was not a personal safety thing; I never felt threatened. But jeez--I just don't need to deal with that crap even if the place has great chicken.

(It took eight months of skulking down the street, peering in the windows, and getting reports from friends, but he finally left, and I now can get chicken once more.)

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What paranoid fantasies have led women to choose passive aggressive over assertive in shooing away check-out courters or delivery-type flirts who have been designated as harmful serial perverts? No XX's have the primordial courage or decency, it would appear, to directly inform retail-Romeos that their philandering puppy eyes are creepy, rather, it has been recommended that the object of the Pizza guy's desire rebuff the advances with such inefficiencies as ambiguous body language or anonymous phone calls to the manager.

Which forms or grocer gallantry won't get seducers maced?

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What paranoid fantasies have led women to choose passive aggressive over assertive in shooing away check-out courters or delivery-type flirts who have been designated as harmful serial perverts? No XX's have the primordial courage or decency, it would appear, to directly inform retail-Romeos that their philandering puppy eyes are creepy, rather, it has been recommended that the object of the Pizza guy's desire rebuff the advances with such inefficiencies as ambiguous body language or anonymous phone calls to the manager.

Which forms or grocer gallantry won't get seducers maced?

Because a guy who does that in the first place can be assumed to be at least a little imbalanced?

Because a firm rebuff runs the very real risk of making the situation worse?

Because this kind of crap happens to women a lot and passivity is easier?

Paranoid fantasies? No courage or decency? Are you kidding? I guess I can assume you're a man?

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I had a problem like this years ago with a guy who worked at a neighborhood corner store. The entire thing is too long to go into, but, as a result, I stopped going there when I knew he was working. Some of the time he had a friend who would hang out there with him (and I had no problems with him if there was someone else there), but I just felt too uncomfortable to risk running into him, especially in that closed space. I suspected some of it might have been cultural and he was overall pleasant, but it was creepy. When something makes you feel creepy, listen to that.

Then I found out there had been an allegation in the neighborhood that he had molested a pubescent girl who came into the store. Whether it was true or not, I don't know, but I stopped going there altogether at that point, because there was no 100% way to know he wouldn't be working. Eventually the place was sold and he no longer worked there.

I only went there to begin with because it was convenient, so I understand that rationale, but he at least only knew the neighborhood I lived in, not the exact address.

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Unless you are a single woman, confronting someone who not only knows where you live but comes to your door and therefor has easy access to your apartment, you cannot understand the situation. Period.

There's a chance the guy doesn't even know he's creeping you out, but there is also a chance he knows exactly what he is doing.

JLK-don't order again, call the manager and give him a heads up, and learn to cook the dishes you miss :lol:

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Unless you are a single woman, confronting someone who not only knows where you live but comes to your door and therefor has easy access to your apartment, you cannot understand the situation. Period.

I disagree. Anyone, male or female, can understand the uneasiness that comes with an unwelcome person knowing exactly where you live and what you look like. Bottom line is to listen to your 'gut' and err on the side of safety.

BTW, do you happen to know anyone else in your building that orders from this place? It would be interesting to find out if anyone else has had this experience.

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What paranoid fantasies have led women to choose passive aggressive over assertive in shooing away check-out courters or delivery-type flirts who have been designated as harmful serial perverts? No XX's have the primordial courage or decency, it would appear, to directly inform retail-Romeos that their philandering puppy eyes are creepy, rather, it has been recommended that the object of the Pizza guy's desire rebuff the advances with such inefficiencies as ambiguous body language or anonymous phone calls to the manager.
Because a friend of mine won't wear short-sleeved shirts because of the scars she got from the too-friendly national overnight package delivery company employee who pushed her into a mirror in her entry when she confronted him about his inappropriate behavior.
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This delivery dude sounds like a predator to me. He probably is pulling the same sh*t with other women too. His behavior sounds like it has escalated and it may continue. This doesn't sound like it (to him) is about how you look or your behavior. It sounds like it is about power and control. He knows he is making you uncomfortable. You should report this to the police.

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I kind of figured this would spur an interesting discussion and I'm not at all surprised that there's some division down gender lines. Guys, I suspect you can't really relate so some of the situations we women find ourselves in because most of you seem like "good guys." The kind who couldn't fathom saying the things we hear all too often.

I have in the past rebuffed unwanted advances only to have a guy say "you thought I was interested in you? Are you kidding? You're fat/not cute/etc." Guys can be awfully nasty even we're polite about our lack of interest. As a result, I tend to wait until the advances are undeniable to prevent embarassment/retaliation. In the workplace, we're harassed or put in uncomfortable ambiguous situations all the damn time, but to speak up is to only create a new hell for oneself whether due to being ostracized or fired (when the harassing party is, say, a top executive or a company founder).

Sorry for the tangent. I'm a little bothered about the situation. I feel like I should be able to order the food I want without fear or worry or beating myself up for overreacting to what might just be an awkward friendliness. Truth be told, given the unfriendly service I have received when dining in at this restaurant, this is all rather awkward. I have a feeling that if I reported the guy to management, they'd blow off the complaint.

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This kind of stuff shouldn't be taken too lightly. Sure, the guy probably means no harm and is just a little flirty- there are certainly LOTS of guys out there who can't take a hint. And plenty more with no sense of what's appropriate vs. innappropriate.

But as laniloa and barbara's upsetting examples show, occasionally it's way worse. Guys, I don't think it's really our place to say whether this is a big deal or not. The risks are different, and more frightening, for women.

I think a call to management, anonymous if possible, is the way to go. Even then, there's always the possibility of the guy getting angry and having a good idea of who placed the call, but the guy does need to be called out.

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I have in the past rebuffed unwanted advances only to have a guy say "you thought I was interested in you? Are you kidding? You're fat/not cute/etc." Guys can be awfully nasty even we're polite about our lack of interest. As a result, I tend to wait until the advances are undeniable to prevent embarassment/retaliation.

Dollars to doughnuts any guy who comes back with lines like these is either embarassed himself by your rejection, covering his ass because he doesn't want to get into trouble on the job, or playing some sort of head game.

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I don't want to get all mired in sisterly feminist empowerment stuff here, but - hang tight and stand up for yourself. I've been in similar situations over the years, and I know exactly how you feel.

In the workplace, we're harassed or put in uncomfortable ambiguous situations all the damn time, but to speak up is to only create a new hell for oneself whether due to being ostracized or fired

Currently I'm in a profession where women are extremely rare (I think there are more female firefighters than women in my field), and I deal with the raised eyebrow "can you really do this? you're a woman!" thing all the time - from clients and coworkers and management.

Makes me just want to stay home and bake cookies. :lol:

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This really is unacceptable. Perhaps ScotteeM and I can help? A couple of Dobermans by your side when you order next time might have him leaving the order on your doorstep and asking you to mail the payment.

On a more serious note, I would tell the guy, "please don't touch me" in the firmest of tones.

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OK, let's just cut to the chase here. JLK: what is more important to you, your well-being or whatever food this guy is delivering? I thought so. DON'T ORDER ANYTHING FROM THIS PLACE AGAIN. PLEASE.

We don't know where this guy is from. Is he American or from somewhere else (probably). We don't know what this guy has been brought up to think of women. This is just too problematical and YOUR SAFETY is at issue.

There is not food on this earth worthy of risking your safety. Hells bells, girl, find some frozen stuff to microwave in a pinch and remove yourself from this dilemma.

Yes, I know. It's tough. But, there are good guys out there, which is why I made sure to marry one of 'em. Until that happens for you, you have to protect yourself. It's just that simple.

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