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What Your Drink Says About You


Joe Riley
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What Your Drink Says About You.

Vodka Martini – Sophisticated. You’re classy, old school or a James Bond wannabe. I’ve been known to drink these.

Cosmopolitan – Prissy, over ordered and passé. Favored by Manolo Blahnik wearing Candace Bushnell devotees who spend all their money on shoes but live in rathole apartments. Rapidly becoming an old lady drink.

Sidecar – The last time you got laid was 1932.

Chardonnay – You know what you like. Boring. Predictable. The Missionary Position of White Wine.

Pinot Grigio – You’re pretentious or don’t know what you like. You follow the herd. The Circle Jerk of White Wine

Beer – Blue collar, simple, and an old standby. (I think a girl wearing a t-shirt and jeans while drinking a good ‘ol Bud is very sexy.)

Chocolate Martini – You’re immature or have a sweet tooth. Good for masking the taste of Roofies.

Vodka on the Rocks – You want to get drunk as fast as possible.

Malibu Bay Breeze – A gay man’s drink. (According to Louis)

Sloe Gin Fizz – Same as above.

Gin neat – Only for mad dogs and Englishmen.

Sour Apple Martini – You have a sense of fun but overindulgence might cause dancing on tables and bad karaoke singing. (Beth?)

Negroni – Fluvio’s favorite drink so I can’t badmouth it. I like my job.

Campari and Soda – You’re a gourmand. A good aperitif. A bitter drink for bitter people.

Manhattan – Old fogey drink. Stuffy. Where did I put the bitters?

Sweet Vermouth on the Rocks – You’re so old that if you’re not already in the grave you soon will be.

Pinot Noir – You’ve seen Sideways. Nuff said.

Sex on the Beach – You’ve been to Club Hedonism haven’t you?

Sex up Against the Wall – You own shares in Club Hedonism don’t you?

Galliano –You’re a waterbed, lava lamp, reel to reel, gold chain wearing, wall to wall shag carpet loving, swinging 70’s disco fool.

Gimlets – You’re old fashioned and like to drink. Usually the libation of classy cerebral babes.

Rob Roy – You’re an alcoholic.

Margarita – You’re fun, good in bed, and naughty with a sense of style. If you don’t have it with salt you’re a wimp.

Shirley Temple – What? Are you five years old? On the wagon? Get the fuck outta here.

Bloody Mary – You need an excuse to start drinking before lunch.

Gin and Tonic – You’re kinda boring but an excellent drink when it’s hot outside.

Mint Julep – You’re a hospitable Southern guy/gal. Good stuff. Rarely ordered.

Tequila – You’re not afraid of spending a little time in jail.

Champagne – You’re reserved, classy, or a stripper.

Vodka Red Bull - Party person, young, possible cokehead.

Southern Comfort –Where’d you put the Lynyrd Skynyrd eight tracks? I know I saw ‘em around here somewhere.

Mojito – You’re not afraid to try new things, have low frustration tolerance and are prone to wild rages.

Rum and Coke – You’ve been arrested for assault once or twice.

Whisky Sour – Have another one Grandma.

Alabama Slammer – You’ve read the “Have a Cocktail” placemat at the diner once too often.

Whisky, Single Malt Scotch, Bourbon – You’re a sexual athlete. Women want you and men want to be like you. You have class, talent, wit, and brains. Of course, this is what I drink.

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I am quite torn by this list, it appears that my wife must be a boring stripper since she drinks G&T and Champagne. On the other hand, it is obvious that at 35 I am just too damned old for my age since I am a huge fan of sidecars, and Manhattans (and yes I complain that no one makes them with Rye anymore).

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What about A Slow Comfortable Screw Up Against a Wall or the alternate Slow Comfortable Screw on the Beach? What do those drinks say about you?

That you have a mustache onyour face, a puka shells around your neck, seeds in your dope and, when you're making your move on some "fine lady," America or Seals and Crofts on your turntable.

Diamond Girl, sure shine

Diamond Girl, glad you're mine....

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This is pretty inaccurate.

G+T made properly is a perfect cocktail. Jose Andres (no slouch himself) taught me how to make them, and I will say I am pretty much a disciple.

I'd hardly call myself boring.

I love a proper G&T, made with top-shelf gin and Schweppes tonic water, and just a bit of lime. That's summertime in a glass to me. :lol:

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I love a proper G&T, made with top-shelf gin and Schweppes tonic water, and just a bit of lime.  That's summertime in a glass to me.  :lol:

Gin (Citadelle is my choice) in the freezer, small bottles of Schweppes, big ice cubes, serve in a big-ass wine glass (as not to warm up the beverage with your hand), lots of limes.

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Gin (Citadelle is my choice) in the freezer, small bottles of Schweppes, big ice cubes, serve in a big-ass wine glass (as not to warm up the beverage with your hand), lots of limes.

Sold! What time should I be over? :lol:

I do like flavorful gin. Sapphire, Tanqueray #10, Citadelle, Boodles, Junipero, Plymouth.. We have a few that I've never tried, such as Miller's, and Damrak (from Denmark, therefore unfashionable for the duration of the cartoon-crisis)

Fox & Hounds always served me my Sapphire & tonic by bringing me the gin, and handing me a 10 oz. Schweppes, so I could make it to my own tastes. Very smart of them, I must say.

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Gin (Citadelle is my choice) in the freezer, small bottles of Schweppes, big ice cubes, serve in a big-ass wine glass (as not to warm up the beverage with your hand), lots of limes.

Schweppes: feh. Try Hendrick's gin, ground Venezuelan quinine powder, dash of simple syrup and club soda. Available at Citronelle Bar. Garnish with lime.

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Schweppes: feh. Try Hendrick's gin, ground Venezuelan quinine powder, dash of simple syrup and club soda. Available at Citronelle Bar. Garnish with lime.

Pray tell, my good Mr. Slater; where might the Average JPW pick up "ground Venezuelan quinine powder"?

:lol:

Edited by JPW
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Pray tell, my good Mr. Slater; where might the Average JPW pick up "ground Venezuelan quinine powder"?

:lol:

*sticks fingers in ears* lalalalala, can't hear youuuuu.....

(speaking as someone who doesn't want to know lest one's household end up with an industrial-sized drum of ground Venezuelan quinine powder)

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... and there is no substitute for a PBR in a longneck

Wow - I am officially too old to be a hipster. I actually remember back in college when PBR (in a can of course) was considered the low of the lows. We're talking lower that the Beast, lower than Huber, lower than Schlitz. In fact the only guy in our fraternity who actually liked the stuff happened to be from Wisconsin - or maybe he was just too cool for his time :lol:
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Wow - I am officially too old to be a hipster.  I actually remember back in college when PBR (in a can of course) was considered the low of the lows.  We're talking lower that the Beast, lower than Huber, lower than Schlitz.  In fact the only guy in our fraternity who actually liked the stuff happened to be from Wisconsin - or maybe he was just too cool for his time  :huh:
Oh yeah...now it has Ironic Retro Kitch cred. "The Beer Of Your Grandfathers". That and High Life. Apparently it tastes better while wearing a bowling shirt from a state you've never visited, a trucker hat, and expensive shoes that don't look like they were expensive.

Thinking more on the 'Venezuelan Quinine Powder' thing, the best bet is probably to get it fresh right from the source. Have an aquaintance in Venezuela put one kilogram of quinine powder in a Ziplock bag and mail it to you. To ensure safe shipping, wrap the bag in Saran wrap and put it in something such as a teddybear, a computer case, or inside a packing container of other innocuous consumer goods heading Stateside. :lol:

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Thinking more on the 'Venezuelan Quinine Powder' thing, the best bet is probably to get it fresh right from the source.  Have an aquaintance in Venezuela put one kilogram of quinine powder in a Ziplock bag and mail it to you.  To ensure safe shipping, wrap the bag in Saran wrap and put it in something such as a teddybear, a computer case, or inside a packing container of other innocuous consumer goods heading Stateside.  :lol:

No mail. No Teddy Bears.

Mules.

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lower than Schlitz. 

Schlitz is an unpleasant surprise when you blindly grab the white can with red writing out of the fridge and expect to taste Diet Coke. :lol:

I like many of these on the right occasions, but overall, Manhattans are my favorite. A fogey at 30. :huh:

Edited by Xochitl10
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Well Derek was spinning Manhattans from a darn-good bottle of Jim Beam Rye--bottled in 1985--that I had found in a dusty corner.  CrescentFresh, care to comment?

If we can only convince them to always make Manhattans with Rye I am sure that I would take-up residence under one of their tables.

Do you know of any restaurant that generally makes the Manhattans with Rye? So far my hunt has been futile. For example, one night I asked the much praised bartender at Off the Record (at the Hayes Adams hotel) for a Manhattan with rye, he proceeded to tell me that rye and bourbon are the same thing. At which point, I cancelled my wife’s G&T and we walked to the Town and Country Lounge, where I approached the often overlooked Sam Lek and asked him for the same. Instead of handing me the Rye=Bourdon bullshit, told me he did not have rye. I like honesty, so I allowed him to make me one with Maker’s. While it was not as good as one made with rye, it was still very nice as he actually used bitters, unlike most bartenders who simply mix bourdon and sweet vermouth.

You would think with the number of old school bars in this town I could find some f’ing rye!

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If we can only convince them to always make Manhattans with Rye I am sure that I would take-up residence under one of their tables. 

Do you know of any restaurant that generally makes the Manhattans with Rye?  So far my hunt has been futile.  For example, one night I asked the much praised bartender at Off the Record (at the Hayes Adams hotel) for a Manhattan with rye, he proceeded to tell me that rye and bourbon are the same thing.  At which point, I cancelled my wife’s G&T and we walked to the Town and Country Lounge, where I approached the often overlooked Sam Lek and asked him for the same.  Instead of handing me the Rye=Bourdon bullshit, told me he did not have rye.  I like honesty, so I allowed him to make me one with Maker’s.  While it was not as good as one made with rye, it was still very nice as he actually used bitters, unlike most bartenders who simply mix bourdon and sweet vermouth. 

You would think with the number of old school bars in this town I could find some f’ing rye!

Old Ebbitt has one bottle of Overholt out--it's usually in the bank of liquor bottles closest to the front door. And the bartenders usually deny it, so be prepared to direct them. But it is a total travesty, in general.

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We now carry Jim Bean Rye and I can make both a Manhattan and Sazerac properly. Yes that means with bitters--Peychaud and Angostura for the Sazerac. Palena has Wild Turkey Rye, which is my personal favorite for Manhattans, plus they have Carpano Antica Formula Vermouth. Bourbon and Saint-Ex both have a great Rye selection. Ask for Adam at Saint-Ex. Last night he introduced me to the Sazerac 18-year Rye. CrescentFresh said it best, "Holy ----!"

Derek

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How does one get a proper Sazerac cocktail then, if no one has any rye? Do they make them with bourbon?

Well, I've never seen a bottle of Herbsaint at a bar up here. To me, it is different from Pernod, Ricard, et al. And also, who has chilled old-fashioned glasses ready??? Or for that matter, how many places (other than Eve and Firefly) have syrup ready? Superfine never works well enough for me.

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Ask for Adam at Saint-Ex. Last night he introduced me to the Sazerac 18-year Rye. CrescentFresh said it best, "Holy ----!"

Gawd, I love Sazerac rye. I found it at a reasonable price (around $35) at the Monkey County stores (once in Bethesda, once at Tuckerman Lane) but that was a couple of years ago, and they haven't had it since. I saw one bottle at Central Liquor, but it was like $99 or something, which is way beyond the realm of possibility. If anyone knows where I can get some at a reasonable price, I'd be most grateful for the info.

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Coming soon from Buffalo Trace is a new Sazerac-branded straight rye that is labeled at 6 years, but due to production delays, came off the bottling line at 7 years. It's in a funky, cool, old-style bottle. I haven't tasted it yet, but all reports have been good and BT is probably doing the best current-product distilling in Kentucky.

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I rye the day Jake sent me off on a wild goose chase looking for some goddamn 13 yr Van Winkle Family Reserve. Though I have to have a wru smile when I consider how ignorantly prejudiced I once was against American whiskeys in general, and rye in particular.

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"The proclivity to purchase large formats of wine is inversely proportional to one's penis size."

-- Old Yiddish Proverb

It is with this in mind that I take possession of my first-ever imperial of Bordeaux.

What I will do with it, I have no clue.

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"The proclivity to purchase large formats of wine is inversely proportional to one's penis size."

-- Old Yiddish Proverb

It is with this in mind that I take possession of my first-ever imperial of Bordeaux.

What I will do with it, I have no clue.

I'll open my Imperial of Gosset to go with it.

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